Letter from Sacramento

Dear Shoeblossom,

I hesitantly taped this over dinner, but I knew that anything Phryne said was usually pretty hot and erotic, so taking that chance I did. Of course I was also worried she'd catch me and beat the crap out of me there in the restaurant, but as Norman Mailer said once, "Culture is worth a little risk" right?

Robin Timsdale

"I looked up your name, Phryne on Wikipedia after we first met."

"Yeah?"

"Apparently the original Phryne was a Greek courtesan from the fourth century, and apparently caused a lot of trouble."

"Well, you met me on a kinky site, Robin. I mean, if you wanted a quiet girl, you should have gone to Plentyoffish or something."

"I know, and I find you so lively, but-"

"Is this about the bowling pin?"

"A little bit, Phryne."

"I know I have kind of a temper. I'm Greek-Irish, and we are kind of pissy, Rob. But I told you not to go bowling. I don't like your friends, and they have crappy attitudes."

"But you came in and you made this scene, and when Moggsy-"

"Yes, I kicked him in the nuts, and pulled down his pants and shoved a bowling pin up his butt. He won't call you anymore to go bowling, or take your money in his little poker roundup."

"We were friends for a-"

"Friends. Moggsy's a loser, big time. He got you kicked out of school, you should be thanking me for chasing him off."

"And then you-"

"Right. Then I took your pants down and I whipped your ass for going fuckin' bowling!"

"That was so-"

"You like it when I beat your ass. You need it. You gave me my first Spencer paddle, Robin."

"I just felt like a little kid, crying and everything in front of the whole bowling alley. And you came by the billiards hall and hit me with a cue, once."

"You were supposed to take me to my manicurists and wait in the chair, read a magazine, and then take me home."

"I just went out for a minute."

"Bullshit you did. You went down the street, I felt ridiculous, thank God I had your Visa to pay the damn thing, you like me to rub your tiny little dick with my power-nails..."

"You did look so cute, all hot when you strutted into the pool place, waving your boobs around in that tight white tee shirt, and pointing at me with your sharp nails"

"You need to have the crap kicked out of you about three times a day."

"What was funny, I guess was, I saw you do your lipstick and check yourself right before you walked in."

"You think I'm vain? I oughta take my belt to you right now."

"Phryne, we're in a restaurant. Please don't-"

"I should. I should make you take your dick out and I should beat the crap out of it, and make you cry. I love it when I get you to cry in front of people, you're such a little bitch, Robin."

"Well-I-"

" I had lunch with your Mom the other day, and she told me that after she finally got you to go back to college, after that idiot had you kicked out, you were twenty-four years old and you still hadn't learned not to act up."

"My mother is very overbearing and I think she might have a mood disorder."

"What, you think she's manic? I ought to tell her that."

"No, don't-she-"

"Considering you sleep in her guest bedroom and she's putting you through college? No, I wouldn't, either. But she told me that after she read one of your papers, she had to waltz into your Neuropsych classes, and she slammed you against the wall and whipped your bare ass...and there were all girls in your class. Can't you major in something with guys in it, real men, like engineering?"

"That was so horrible, and those girls they were laughing at me...I couldn't help blubbering, Mom brought this folded piece of wire and it hurt so much."

"She told me that, and your dick got hard, and it creeped these girls out, but you stopped writing about family neurosis after that."

"Well, my mother is very overbearing, like I said. She makes me shave all my body hair off, and tries to punish me for masturbating."

"You should be punished for jerking off! You're in your mid-twenties."

"But you won't make love with me. What am I supposed to do?"

"You have to be Master of your Domain, like on Seinfeld. You are so nice otherwise, you brought me Combray, and you didn't mind when we fucked and had you watch."

"It's not that I didn't mind, it was because it was the only way I thought I'd get to see you naked."

"Yeah, well, you're a nice kid, but Phrynnie don't take it off for everybody."

"But you've seen ME naked."

"When we went on our first date, and came back to the creepy little apartment your mom lets you have over the garage, you voluntarily took off all your clothes and I tied you to that table."

"That was something else..."

"And I beat your ass and then I was playing with your cock, and I even asked you did you want me to bring you off, and you said 'It's up to you if I cum, Miss Phryne."

"And then you ordered me to go limp, and I had to think about football scores."

"That was hilarious, and I did take down my panties and let you lick me under the skirt. I think you're a lucky little freak. And Combray said that he was surprised when you sucked his dick, just 'cause I told you to, but he says it makes him feel like you really are friends, and he always thought you were a white racist."

"But-I want to make love to you, soon, please, Phryne?"

"See, that's why I should whip your ass. Take you in the bathroom and beat it, or maybe right here in the restaurant. You have a filthy mind."

"Oooh, you're playing with my thing under the table...as you yell at me, Phryne!"

"And I'm warning you, Robin, if you have an accident, I am going to make you pull down your pants right here in the Noodle Palace and show everybody. I can rub Grafton's dick and he don't make messes."

"I can't believe you are dating my brother, too."

"Grafton is a submissive little faggot too. But he has his own apartment. It's nice 'cause I can bring guys there, since I am still living in the halfway house till my parole is approved."

"What does Graf do when you are with these other guys?"

"I tell the sissy bastard to take off his goddamn clothes and kneel in the corner while I get it on. Sometimes I let one of the guys beat his ass if it seems like Grafton is being a resentful little bitch about it all."

"We're a little wimpy, I guess."

"Look, I'm a tough gal. Did you know that along with being Irish-Greek, I'm also part Asian?"

"Yes, you told me that one of your great grandparents came to Sacramento during the Opium Wars, whereas the Irish came because of the Gold Rush, panning for gold,right?"

"We're tough as nails. That's why I know I need a sweet guy to look after me, while I fuck a bunch of nasty assholes, you know, for sport, and maybe to have a good lookin' kid. "

"That's-I don't-"

"I think what you and me and Grafton should do is all get married, and move to Utah or Arizona to one of those Mormon cults."

"That doesn't happen in the Church of Latter Day Saints anymore, Phryne."

"Are you mouthing off to me AGAIN?"