- Non-Erotic Poetry
- After B.Okudzhava--a free variation
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Click herethe war's quick start
long last last breath
with the grains in my heart
don't rush my death
my Lady's soft glove
i wish i were smart
She looks from above
straight into my heart
a couple grains in my heart
blue sky above
i had no luck in death
i will have in love
...
...
wh,
2014-12-29
(after Bulat Okudzhava)
- COMMENTS
The total rhyme scheme is:
-------------------------------
---- abab - caca - acbc ----
-------------------------------
"had ... rhymes and the last had none" -- hm, an interesting comment (so-to-speak).
"leads to several conclusions not expressed here." -- I see... :)
"a couple grains in my heart" means "a bullet in my heart" (bullet = projectile). You may Google on "bullet grains", or read:
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In particular, this quote:
"Bullets are measured in a unit of mass called grains (abbreviated “gr.”). One pound is equal to 7000 grains, and there are 437.5 grains in an ounce. Bullets can weigh anywhere between 15 grains for the lightest 17 HMR bullets all the way up to 750 grains for the heavier .50 BMG rifle loads."
Interesting that the first two stanza had such elementary rhymes and the last had none, although the end letters of the abab form were the same... leads to several conclusions not expressed here. An ignorance of the subject matter makes further comment impossible, but, it was recommended by gm I had to look. I'll read the other comments now.
I second Ash's recommendation in PF&D. Wonderful economy of language.
I was at first thrown a bit in the last stanza, but when I looked up "grain" and discovered it could be an intransitive verb as well as a noun, the pieces of the poem came nicely together, at least for me. I found myself melancholic, not overly so, just enough to think about love and suffering.