- Illustrated Poetry
- In the Wild
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- COMMENTS
I liked how you massaged this in PF&D, AH and am enjoying reading this again. It effectively builds towards a crescendo in the 2nd stanza.
I may have missed it in an earlier version, but I think "things" in the first line weakens it. If you can find an image word, it would be better. "Things" is too general. Even if you substituted "lust" in line 4 and inserted "it" where "lust" was, it would be an improvement IMO.
That said, it was an enjoyable read with or without the recommended change or, for that matter, with or without the illustration.