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remembering our last time
the way you teased
brought me right
to the edge
then pushed me over...
like a tsunami
drawing back
then overwhelming me
with a flood of sensation
doesn’t help to subdue
the memory
of the awful way
you screamed
as you left me
the way you cried
I pleaded with you
not to go
I tried everything
it wasn’t enough
to keep you
I’m left with no choice
but to find another
battery-powered friend.
. . . and reeled me right in. I was truly feeling your pain--right down to the last line. Nice job.
Adroit, slithery, manque in an not maudlin way, with charming denouement. Delightful! Submit this to the New Yorker!
Nice start to your writing career. This is a well written poem that has great form and good structure. It flows smooth and the words are rich and vibrant. You display a powerful image of emotion that turns the tables and becomes very humorous because of the way you set up a dark and rich tone. The first stanza alone could stand as a poem. The way you tied it all together worked rather well, which is hard to do because of how deep the beginning was set up. Good job and very funny. I hope you keep writing because you have a way with words. You really know what you're doing.
It was very powerful and the end made me giggle. Excellent work!!