Sex Addict

Living everyday so careless
knocking on deaths door.
Running from suffering
instability and neglect.

Toward a life of abuse
heartache and bad habits.
Convincing myself
Its what I deserved
made it easy to accept it.

No matter how hard I tried,
always ending up alone every night
The chase was addicting, it became my life.

Sex was all I had, my drug
that I abused countless times.
Never made me happy, or secure
didn’t pay my rent or keep on the lights.
Pushed me further away
from the dream of ever becoming a wife.

I used sex for a place
for my insecurities and self hate
failing to ever notice
that it was enhancing
the filthiness I felt inside

An addiction I felt I needed
everyday in order to feel like I was alive.
Never taking into account
every time I had sex I laid my life on the line.

Suffered through my life
from the same source I used to stay alive
the same source that’s been the reason
why millions of others have died.

Altering unnoticed blessings
for a source to hold onto the blame
in order for others to see me as innocent

dealt out a life that made me a victim
Seeing no fault of my own in the choices I made
leading my life to rock bottom
where I comfortably lived out my life sentence
mistaking freedom for my independence
ignorant to the safety I felt in a self built prison.