A Step Too Far

With a look of hopeful apprehension on her face, Sara shyly smiled back, "Thank you. That would be lovely," as a tear escaped each eye and caressed her cheeks.

Even now, I still saw her as a most beautiful woman and I was growing tired of hating her. A lot of time had passed and they do say it heals all wounds. I still couldn't forget and never would, but could I forgive? That's an interesting consideration. I guess by inviting her into what once was our marital home, I had started that.

There was a lot of uncomfortableness as we all sat around the kitchen table quietly sipping on our drinks. I could see the children's eyes darting around from me to Sara, to each other. Sara sat with her shoulders slumped slightly as she glanced around the room, noticing the changes that had been made. During my weekends alone, I had done a bit of repainting to freshen up the house and make it more mine I guess. Gone was a lot of the clutter that had existed and there was some new furniture.

"I like what you've done to the house Jason. The new colour scheme looks nice. I see you've replaced some furniture too" Sara tried to sound as normal as she could. I could see the effort that was taking.

"Thanks. We like it, don't we kids" I stated. "The kids chose their own colours and I'd love to say they helped, ....buuuuut...."

"Daaaad. We offered, but you said we'd just get in the way and mess it up" Karen said rolling her eyes at me. Patrick just smirked at me. There was a look in his eye that gave me the impression that he knew I was worried about his Mother and that's why we were all here right now. Smart kid.

"Do you want to see my room Mum?" Karen asked.

"I'd love to honey. If...if it's alright with your Father" she looked at me questioningly.

"Dad? Is it ok?" Karen said softly, with a hopeful expression in her eyes.

I paused for a moment, then smiled at my sweet little girl. "Sure it's ok honey" Then turning to Sara, "Feel free to look around".

They both almost split their heads open with the smiles they broke into as Karen grabbed Sara's hand and dragged her upstairs.

"Are you sure about all this Dad?" Patrick said as we listened to Karen chattering away as they went up the stairs.

I shrugged and looked at my son. "I don't know Son, but look at your Mother. She's wasting away with guilt and depression. You and Karen have told me how sad she is and how she cries all the time in her room. I know what she did, and I know I can never forget it, but she is your Mother and what would that make me if I allowed her to keep getting worse? What would that teach you and your sister? How would you look at me if she wasted away and I let it happen? What sort of person would that make me?"

Patrick just sat and pondered these things silently for a couple of minutes until we heard some laughter come from the top of the stairs as the girls came back down.

"You've done a really great job of the painting Jason. I never would have thought of some of the colours you've used but they look wonderful, especially in our....I mean, your bedroom. I see you have a new bed too" Sara said before a fog of sadness crossed her face.

We all watched as tears welled in her eyes and she started to sob at the table. Karen quickly went to her Mother and hugged her as I handed her a tissue from the nearby box. Sara looked up at me and smiled wanly and mouthed a 'Thank you' as she dabbed at her face.

And this was the start of a new phase in the relationship. Sara started dropping the kids off and staying for more and more time over the next few months, eventually staying for dinner and then dinner and a family movie night. There was no intimacy between Sara and myself during this time, but the kids and I saw a marked improvement in her. She seemed to get happier as time went on and she put on a little bit of weight, and though thinner than when this had all started, it really seemed to suit her more.

Yes, ok, she was looking more beautiful now than ever. I accepted I still loved her, and she would, on occasion, catch me looking at her with something close to longing as I still saw the woman I fell in love with. I would even blush when she caught me, as I saw her blushing and smiling coyly at me. The more time we spent together, the more comfortable I was feeling.

"Sara?" I asked one day, about 18 months after the collapse of my world.

"Yes" she replied as she turned to look at me as she helped make the kids dinner one Sunday evening after she had brought them home.

"Would you like to go out for dinner with me one evening?"

I couldn't believe how calm I felt whilst asking this. I guess enough time had gone by for me to forgive her, and I still did love her. We had been spending more and more family time together and it was, in a way, like we were before all this happened. When these nights were over and she went home, I always felt sad and a little lonely. We were always so good together and I enjoyed her company so much again.

I watched and waited quietly, expectantly, even nervously, for a response. Sara just stared at me wide eyed, her breathing sped up and her face flushed as a few tears dropped from her eyes. I watched as she shakily placed the knife onto the cutting board and turned fully to face me. I could see a myriad of emotions cross her face, but the over-riding one seemed to be joy as she brought her hands to her face and cried openly. This was not the reaction I hoped for and I was a little dumbstruck to be honest.

Hearing their Mother crying, Karen and Patrick came to the kitchen, concern on their faces.

"What's going on? What happened? What did you do Dad?" I could hear Karen's confused questions.

"I'm not too sure honey. I just asked Sa...your Mother if she'd like to go out for dinner one night, and she started to cry. I'm not sure if that's a yes or a no" I said with a smirk.

Sara's head shot up, "That's a yes you big dummy! That is so much a yes!" she almost said with annoyance as she moved to me and threw her arms around my waist and hugged her body tightly to mine. I could feel her body quaking with emotion and her tears were starting to wet through my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her and Sara sobbed louder and held me tighter.

It was the first time we had held each other since before, well, you know. And I have to say, it felt good for her to be in my arms again. Like Sara, I had not dated or been with anyone else and I missed this. I could feel her warmth, her firm breasts against my chest. Karen now had tears running down her cheeks, whilst her smile beamed at me. Even Patrick nodded his approval at me as he smirked back.

I leaned down and kissed the top of Sara's head and took in her smell, her scent, that distinctive Sara perfume that only she can create. It was home. My hands ran up and down her back as she snuggled more into me, trying to meld herself to my body. It felt good and I have to admit, that after more than 18 months of not holding a warm and sensual body like this, I, umm, reacted in a certain way. I couldn't help it, and honestly, I didn't want to.

I heard a small gasp, followed by a low moan, combined with a slight pelvic wiggle as Sara looked up at me with a hopeful look. I was blushing and licked my lips as my mouth seemed to go dry. I stared at her for a moment or two, kissed her on the forehead and broke the hug we were sharing. Doing the whole throat clearing, quickly change the subject before the kids noticed, make sure to hide my growing erection behind the island bench, thankful the kids were on the other side, dance. I stepped away from Sara and moved to the counter, turning away from the kids and started finishing dinner preparations.

"Well how does Friday sound? I'll pick you up at 7?"

Wiping her eyes and smiling broadly, Sara nodded, "That's perfect. Thank you Jason". I glanced at her and I could see the depth of her feeling as she said the latter.

Dinner that night was noticeably lighter and I caught Sara looking at me adoringly from time to time, sometimes with eyes that looked close to crying. Karen and Patrick noticed and were all smiles for the first time in a very long time.

The week seemed to drag on and as Friday drew closer, I was really starting to get nervous. It was like I was going on that first date when back in high school. I started to worry about what to wear, what to say, how to act. I had long forgiven Sara, and though I could never forget, I still loved her deeply.

I had known her, all of her, for so long and so deeply, that I couldn't let go of her. I know she hurt me, and that pain resurrects itself in odd quiet moments, but it has lessened so much as time has gone on and we have been interacting again. And the kids are so much happier and settled seeing their parents getting on again. They have both been to a therapist and I have seen a counsellor as I know Sara has too. We are all on the improve, and I feel good about life again, which to be honest, I never thought I would again once upon a time.

I took a deep breath and steadied myself as I stood there. My mind began to wander and sadly, some unbidden thoughts did sneak in to make me wonder if I was doing the right thing. Was this a mistake? Should I move on and start over? Start over. That in itself was scary. I stood quietly pondering all the possibilities of my life and what I wanted, where I wanted to go, and most importantly, who I wanted to go there with.

My hand was getting sweaty holding the small bouquet of flowers, lilies', Sara's favourite, as time seemed to pass by quickly. I looked at my watch and realised that I'd been standing there for over 15 minutes as I worked the problem through my mind.

I took another steadying breath and raised my hand to knock on the door. My hand hardly had time to hit the door before it flew open and Sara was standing there, tears streaming down her face.

"I thought you changed your mind. I thought you were going to walk away from me forever this time. I was so scared that you thought this was a mistake. You just stood at my door forever. Please don't go away. Please don't leave me Jason. Please. It would kill me" Sara almost collapsed bawling into my arms.

I stepped into her apartment and closed the door behind us. "Shhh, it's ok Sara. I'm here. We're here. I...I love you Sara. I have always loved you and I want us to try again. Would that be ok?"

Sara looked up at me, looking for any lie or game play, but she knew that was just not me. "YES. YES. YES. Oh god yes." Sara screamed as she enveloped me in her arms and we kissed with more fire and passion than I think at any time in our lives together. Suffice it to say, we didn't make it to our dinner reservation that night. To be blunt, we fucked like demons. This was followed by the slow passionate lovemaking that we needed to help us reconnect and help to ease the wounds that had been caused.

That night started a year long love affair with my ex-wife. We fucked, we made love, we experimented and we played, but only ever with each other. Yes, we had some hard times, and I had some issues that we still had to resolve, especially the first couple of times we tried anal again. Those damned memories.

We were freer with each other and more open, doing much naughtier things than ever before. Sara, early on, was a little too compliant to my ideas and once I realised it was mainly driven by guilt, I had to have a long talk with her about it, finally going to couples counselling to address it.

Afterwards Sara felt more at ease resisting some of my more outlandish ideas, and I was glad for that, it showed me that she was becoming herself more. At the end of that year, I asked Sara to move in with me and the kids and she almost broke down right in front of me.

Once she recovered somewhat, I can honestly say, I have never been fucked so aggressively by her in my life. That night lasted a long time and I was exhausted by morning. The kids were ecstatic when we told them and were more than happy to help us move their mother back home.

We were a family once again and in some ways, stronger for it. We all continued to see a councellor for a few months after this major development in our lives. We all had minor issues to deal with as we settled into this fresh start. Like any family, there were and will continue to be issues to deal with, just as in any family, but we are all determined to make things better as we move forward. Will we get married again? Well, I have restyled her last engagement ring, so, fingers crossed I guess.