Englishman Booted Off to Australia

Chapter 1

The ailing Earl of Faversham (a hereditary and ceremonial title) said to the assembled senior extended family members, "My heir-apparent Garth wishes me to make an early settlement with his younger brother, with Connor to receive a generous share of his potential inheritance; and I'm in agreement."

"The brothers don't get on well and I'd wish to Garth to have a smooth pathway as my successor upon my demise. Therefore, Connor should be relocated with our assistance to a great distance from the Motherland. What say you?"

Connor, seated away from the debating table, was almost asleep when he realized the motion was being passed, that Connor Archibald Ludlow would be assisted to relocate to the City of Sydney in Australia with final and total pre-payment of his estimated rightful inheritance of 1.8 million British pounds (currently US$2.36 million).

The 26-year-old, with a Master's degree in Media and Communications, was a passive anti-Royalist leaning towards preference to be a Republican, and had no wish to hang around in line for a hand-me-down Earldom that he regarded as being pointless.

Now a future in Australia, yeah that had promise. He visualised tanned babes in bikinis with more than two handfuls of meat under their skimpy bras, surfing real big waves in front of adoring beach-goers and business people educated to cope with the new age in international business. Aussie had much to offer him, surely?

He decided to accept the offer provided the right wheels were turned to ensure he received instant permanent residency status subject to his good behaviour and willingness to embrace the Australian flag and the Aussie way of life, whatever that meant. Oh yeah!

* * *

Fresh out of the English mid-winter into the Aussie mid-summer, Connor stopped on the walk to the limo booked for him as part of his complimentary first three-week stay at a fairly posh hotel in Darling Harbour. He shed his jacket in the car, found his sunglasses in the inside pocket of his jacket and said to the driver, "Fucking hot even with the car air-conditioning on."

"Very good sir, visitors like Sydney's weather except when the wind batters the city, the temp drops prior to a hail storm and the heavy downpours catch everyone not expecting wetness," the driver said in a foreign accent that sounded East European.

Unexpected wetness, eh? Connor grinned. He figured Sydney already felt refreshing.

In his room with great views of the inner-harbour, he crashed on to the bed and slept the prince of all sleeps after his long business-class flight from London, with just one stop for a few hours that had eased air travel weariness a little.

In the morning he awoke to a door knock and called "Enter".

A room service female came in with big tits attempting to burst out of her gaping V-neckline and announced she was Estela.

Wow, he ejaculated verbally as a murmur and then thought she was probably a married mother of three kids on their way to school and he smiled, and said hi."

"Good morning sir," she said primly and he said with a smile, "Please carry out your work. I'll dress and go for a run."

Day Two, Connor spent across the harbour at Manly Beach and marvelled at the huge number of females dressed on the absolute borderline of, err, decency and many were below the borderline of reasonable standards. He had a hard-on for much of the morning, starting on acquiring sun-tanned bronze over his Limey paleness and watching the surfers, including groups under the tuition of coaches.

He had a delicious pizza and great coffee from a take-away bar and ate it back on his hotel towel where a young babe, who'd said she was Kim Hayworth, promised to keep an eye on it.

"Thanks for looking after my stuff, Kim. Have a slice of pizza."

"Nah, but thanks. I have to watch my diet because it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my tits within my bikini top."

Connor laughed and appreciated being with a woman in a foreign land who knew how to talk naturally to a guy she didn't know. Was that friendliness that indicated how people should converse in honesty, or was it unrestrained bawdiness?"

"What do your parents do, Kim?"

"Dad lectures to university students on physics and mum is a much-loved children's hospital nurse. I'm a university law student."

That made the family including the daughter sound pretty normal.

Kim asked him what part of England he was from.

"I'm Faversham. You will never had heard of it."

"I think from memory early in my high school studies that's it a notable market town in North Kent."

"Holy wow."

Kim laughed and said Australia has a fairly good education system that includes a lot of international studies.

"You're very expressive," she said, eyeing his gym-toned body. Come to my home for a family dinner tonight."

"That's a lovely offer thanks Kim but I'm booked on a harbour dinner cruise tonight and I'm actually staying on the other side of the harbour."

"No sweat. Do you surf?"

"Yep."

"Tried it yet in Aussie?"

"Nope, only arrived yesterday from the UK."

"Okay, let's go and hire boards. My girlfriend beside me will look after our gear."

Connor had a lovely couple of hours in the surf with Kim who was very flexible and had great balance on her board. In turn, she was impressed by his expertise and he confessed at having had surfing tuition in three European countries.

Later, when he gathered his things to leave, Kim said, "Kiss me goodbye."

"Um, you're only 18."

"Nineteen actually, but so what? My father kisses me and he's much older than you."

Conner laughed and they kissed sweetly.

He walked across to the ferry boarding zone on the inside of North Head and 20 minutes later by fast ferry was back in Circular Quay at the foot of Sydney's commercial area. He grinned, thinking of the possible reception he may have receive had he accepted Kim's kind invitation to dinner and the 18-year-old's parents saw that she'd brought home off the beach a 31-year- old male trophy!

He returned to his hotel to nap before going out to dinner as he wished to assist his natural time-clock to adjust, as he was now in a time zone a day ahead of the time he'd left in England.

"This sounds a lot of rubbish," he yawned. "But I do feel a little adrift. I think I know what I'm attempting to explain to myself."

On the 75-foot launch for dinner that evening, he was invited to sit at a table with three 30-something females who said they were in Sydney for a refresher course for senior nurses from rural areas of New South Wales, of which Sydney was the State capital.

What do you work at, Connor," asked Emma? "Body-building?"

"I worked in public relations in London but have no job here yet, although I have four prospects pre-arranged for me."

"I hope one is the NSW Ministry of Health." Snorted Megan. "Those pricks who rule our working lives are cave-dwellers spinning a web of bureaucratic entanglement."

Later, when the boat docked after a great evening at sea in the largely flat and sheltered waters of the harbour, Claire was driven away by her aunt whom she was staying with. Emma and Megan got into a cab waving after kisses with Connor when the cab stopped and Emma stepped out and beckoned to him.

He was invited to their shared hotel room for a nightcap.

Connor ploughed both women until they fell asleep. Proud of his manliness, though exhausted, he staggered off attempting to remember the name of his hotel.

The cab driver, from Egypt who spoke broken English, said, "Near the water, eh?"

"Yeah, the name has something to go with weather."

"Ah, perhaps the Four Seasons, Darling Harbour. Is that right, Mister?"

"Yeah mate, you are bonza." Connor blurted happily, attempting to speak Strine as the nurses said Australian slang was called.

"Sorry mate, me no understand," grinned the cabbie and then scowled, "Don't vomit in my vehicle you bastard."

Connor shut the door to his room behind him, tripped over the side of a sofa and went to sleep where he landed on the floor.

Closing his eyes, he'd wheezed, "Great night. Aussie girls really can suck and fuck."

Next morning, he awoke at 11.00 to answer his phone.

"Hi, it's Kim, you know, the babe you felt like groping on Manly beach."

"How did you get my number?"

"I'd asked Carol my friend to look for it in your things while you and I were surfing."

"H-how did you figure that out?"

"My dad is a cop and sometimes tells us how they catch crims."

"Fuck me," Conner yawned and said oops remembering he was on the phone and apologized.

Kim told him to just be himself rather than utter non-genuine soothing apologies.

"I'm coming across to accompany you around the central city from just after midday till late tonight."

"Um Kim, I won't be meeting you unless you have discussed this with your parents."

"I have discussed it with mum."

"Ah, and she told you no way?"

"No, she went on about how she met this guy in a coffee shop at Heathrow when she went to the UK at my age and this guy sat across from her asked her where she was from and she said Sydney and he said where was that. They got talking and she was invited to her family's apartment for dinner and I said, oh yeah, is that how you really met dad, and mum said yes, the guy was from Sydney and was faking an English accent."

"Omigod, err, great story. Um, and what else did your mum say?"

"She said it you pressed me for sex to make sure you wore protection."

"Your mother said that? Does she know my age?"

Kim sighed and said yes and yes to both questions.

"My mother is a woman who insists that having sex should be kept in perspective, that it's stupid to label it as immoral and use other terms designed to frighten young people away from enjoying sex that once had relevance before the protection against unwanted pregnancy became universally available.

Connor thought he ought not to become involved with a female so young.

"Kim, I'm sorry but I don't think..."

"But I do. Don't be a wimp. I'm leaving so to catch the ferry. Be waiting at the terminal where you landed yesterday at noon. Don't make me wait otherwise I'll be wrongly picked up by cops for loitering for nefarious purposes, obvious soliciting for sex and or drugs. Alternatively, I may be mauled by perverted men."

"That's akin to blackmail, Kim."

"Yeah, well I have to protect myself from rejection as a result of your medieval thinking."

"Oh fuck," Connor sighed, thinking she was incredible for her age... for example, nefarious, medieval thinking left one wondering what Australian schools were teaching kids these days or was it acquired by watching inappropriate after 9 p.m. programmes?

"Sorry, I didn't catch that mutter. Was it a yes?"

"Yes."

"Good man. You probably will identify me by my tits; you gawked at them enough when we were at the beach."

Connor sighed and cut the call, avoiding saying another word with Kim in a mood like that.

Waiting on Circular Quay, that lies between the Harbour Bridge and the Sydney Opera House, Connor looked anxiously among the crowd of ferry-goers and sight-seers for a long black-haired young beauty, probably dressed in a bra-like coloured top or sweat-shirt, tummy exposed, hip-low jeans appeared glued to her body with the leg-length finishing mid-calf and feet in sandals.

He'd arrived early, but he failed to sight her.

"Looking for someone, Connor?" a sweet voice sounded in front of him.

He blinked, focused close up and blinked again.

It was Kim, all dolled up. Wow.

Her black dress finished a few inches below her pubic bone and was so tight that it had flattened her breasts and she was bare-legged and wore fashionable clunky high-heeled sandals with bright red straps.

"You look marvellous," he breathed.

"Ah, you've decided to talk to me at my level," she smiled.

It was the first time Connor had seen Kim wearing make-up and her lipstick was the same red as her sandal straps and her lips were held out to him in a slight pout as a Big O. He kissed her, unhurriedly and gently.

"Omigod, I may have to sit down," she giggled. "Knees are almost giving out."

He grinned and she hooked into his arm snugly.

"Early lunch?"

"Yep, I was thinking pizza but..."

"I've booked at a nearby restaurant," she said. "But as this is our first official date, the gentleman usually pays, right?"

As they sat at a table, Connor said gravely, "I need to call your mother."

Without a word, Kim pulled her phone from her handbag that matched the red of her shoes and lipstick, used fast-call and handed the phone to her date.

"Oh hi, Mrs Hayworth."

"Oh hi, Connor. Please call me Ada. Kim said you might insist on checking with me to confirm was it okay with me that you are dating her today. It's actually very okay and as you accepted her assurance about that earlier, I guess seeing her looking so sophisticated for someone so young had thrown you. Kim has dated two guys in their early thirties, Connor. I suggest you relax."

"Kim is just one of those females not yet out of their teens who prefer the company of older males. Thanks for your call and now get back to concentrating on our daughter who just adores you, partly because you struggle to accept how she is, partly because, quote, you are so handsome, unquote, and you are so polite and considerate. Bye lovely man."

Connor returned the phone and said helplessly, "Your mother..."

Kim waited for him to finish.

"Your mother..." he bleated, throwing up his hands.

Kim said, "I know, most people especially men, really like her and my father still adores her and he's nine years older than mum."

"Omigod, that's why she's not worried about you chasing me for a date when you are seven and perhaps almost eight years my junior?"

"Perhaps it could be partly that, and partly because I said you are so handsome, and partly because you are so polite and considerate."

Connor bleated once more, saying his mind was having difficulty coping with the weight of information.

He was told to relax and consider it as a difficult wave and knowing in all probability he'd get to calmer water without losing control.

He looked at her and said was she truly only nineteen.

Kim just giggled.

They had a great and leisurely time together but for a few minutes at one point, Connor's growing confidence in being in Kim's company nose-dived when they were coming out of a restaurant after late lunch and Kim saw two guys and two females around her age and she dashed across to greet them and they behaved... behaved... a little like excited older kids.

That brief moment made Connor think he was more like Kim's father than err boyfriend of the moment.

Kim returned to him and said, "I looked around to beckon you over to introduce you to my friends from the northern beaches. But you had taken refuge or whatever back in the entrance to the restaurant."

"Err, I had stepped out of the way of the heavy flow of pedestrians."

"Ah, so you weren't embarrassed at the possibility of being embarrassed by my friends?"

They were in the doorway and Connor shuffled his feet in silence.

"Omigod, you were embarrassed. Never mind, our association will soon become plain sailing, speaking of which my dad owns a 42ft keeler (sail boat with a deep keel containing ballast to counter the upper pressure from the huge expanse of sails). He'll probably call you in a day or two to invite you to come sailing next weekend."

"I'd like that," Connor said, smiling widely and Kim took his hand, looking pleased.

Five hours later, Connor waved to Kim on the ferry who was blowing him kisses. He thought sadly that would be the last time he'd ever see that lovely young woman again because he was committed to stepping aside to allow her to get on with life with her contemporaries.

He sniffed heartily, and thought sternly grown men don't weep. It was tragic, almost cowardly to slam the gate shut on her but he couldn't think of a more acceptable way because she had the potential to fight hard for her beliefs.

Kim called him at 10.45 and rather than cut the call, he just let the phone cut to register as a missed call that he'd decided he would not answer.

Early next day, Connor inspected a studio apartment available on short-term rental and signed up for immediate occupancy and later signed out of his hotel without leaving a forwarding address. He switched off his phone and packed it with his clothes before moving out. That would leave Kim with no way of finding him.

Still sad, he decided to severe links to his family and not follow up on the four-employment prospects his father had found for him through his business associates. He would find a new life with his contemporaries.

Chapter 2

Three weeks after his arrival in Sydney, un-ceremonially cast adrift from his family but with a big wad of money in compensation now divided into investment accounts with three unconnected banks, Connor began a job that really interested him.

He'd been appointed senior assistant to the promotion's manager of an English-owned freight-forwarder NVOCC (non-vessel owning common carrier) as an expert facilitator to arrange via third parties the export shipment of goods and even large lots of personal possessions of people moving overseas.

It didn't take long for Connor to simplify his job title to assistant manager to promote the company's freight-forwarding services.

Until starting work, Connor had thought of Kim every day and he hoped she would slip from his mind now that he'd be concentrating on a new job. He hoped that Kim now had a fading memory of him as someone who'd flitted through her life.

The CEO of the company was a pleasant and apparent business-oriented woman committed to taking the company forward. She was in her late forties he guessed and wondered what was up when she called him to her office for afternoon coffee.

Matilda poured coffee and she opened the conversation at an unexpected level.

"It intrigues me why you have come to settle in Australia when according to your file, you have no kin residing here."

"If I told you, Mrs Hopkins you..."

"Call me Matilda please Connor, you are a senior officer in this company."

"If I told you it's doubtful that you'd believe my story."

"Is that so? I don't wish to offend you, Connor, but I suspect you might be a remittance man, a term that has long gone out of everyday language. In the old days it described chaps that were unwanted by their families who sent them out to one of the British colonies and forwarded them money monthly for their upkeep, known in those days a remitting them payments."

Connor was startled and told Matilda how it was with him, relating the full truth.

"Omigod, what a rotten lot your family is are even if you didn't get on with your father and older brother well. Family is family Connor, for better or worse."

"But the English scene with its chequered has myriads of mistreated family stories and I have some knowledge of that. My parents live in Mayfair, leaving to relocate in London when I was ten and taking me with them. My father is a chairman of our company and is a major shareholder and I've grew up in a la-de-da society and learned about the pretentious toffs, back-stabbing, pecking order, snobbishness, snubbing behaviour and openly voiced contempt. Of course, one also meets many nice people as well.

"I've also been through various parts of Kent a few times, the so-called garden of England."

Matilda finished her coffee and said, "Well I must get on with it. It was interesting to find out why you have come to Australia and how cultured your accent sounds. Would you like to have dinner at my home on Friday? It would be just me and you as my two children are both married and live in different parts of the country and my husband is away this weekend, probably in France with his girlfriend - wink, wink."