All Comments on 'Forbidden in the 1950's Ch. 01'
by jealouscuck
- 9 Comments
1950? When will the KKK show up? It's history that all KKK men had penis "barely over an inch and a half when soft and not even three inches when fully erect" and killed all the black men with extra big cocks! Worst than this line is writing a stupid story!
The story content poses a conundrum. Once it states "this is the 1950s," readers can look up history online; for the story to laden a reader heavily with this doesn't help and slows the story flow. If there is some subject or idea you wish to address you don't think your readers can discover on their own, provide the necessary snippet; otherwise, the current approach spoon-feeds a reader and that's excessive. For example, you could have briefly referred to "Pleasantville" as an historical parallel and most readers would have gotten the idea. Same issue with spending so much time on Southern conservatism and beliefs--especially religion--and same for high-school curriculum, as those can also be easily investigated.
Interesting curve ball you threw with Lena falling into accompanying Mildred and her friend. Mildred plays the maverick, weakening Lena's resolve. You also present an interesting misconception that never should have occurred, namely that a married woman could not initiate sex with her husband: "whorish" only derives from infidelity and in fact, Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 plainly states both married men and women have equal sexual rights, so if the man wants sex, his wife should submit; if the wife wants sex, the husband should take care of her needs--precisely so neither is tempted to stray and they deepen their bond.
You willingly detail the story, the character's thinking and social milieu of this era. However, the story only hints about "interracial romance" by picturing a Black man fishing at a creek...but of course is well-hung, yet somehow his penis is what "sells" the attraction? I hope that will not be the stereotypical "hook," as that's used too often, and I'd recommend tempering the approach, as you've already floated the idea and fronted the Black stereotype of the time as "sex-crazed," which would hurt the storyline. Why? Turns out that even in the South, Black unemployment was the lowest it ever was, and far lower than even before the Civil Rights Act of 1964; Black families flourished and stayed together at the highest percentages (the opposite from today) too (if you don't believe that, read works from Dr. Thomas Sowell).
It's kind of on thin ice right now, if the story progresses on its current path; the story rating hovers closer to a 2 in my mind than a 3, but I'll say 3 to give the benefit of a doubt. Plan the next installments carefully and you can avoid some big pitfalls.
Fantastic writing! Great development of Lena and Neil and an excellent introduction to Damon. This indeed was the way it was in the antebellum South in the middle of the last century. On to part two!!