All Comments on 'Mary's Story Ch. 01'

Jury is still out on Dave. I am of the trust is earned, not blindly given school of thought. So far, I'm not seeing great reasons for bestowing trust upon him. He is definitely challenging Mary to be sure she wants this. The do it or get lost mentality towards a new participant is disheartening. I liked that you addressed the sub vs slave issue as I think the difference is real and important. Mary has had years to work up to this, but more trepidation at taking the actual steps would seem appropriate. Dave isn't giving her time for that though, is he? More chapters are already rewritten, you say. I hope you've been realistic in Mary's limit lists. The angle they both have towards slave over sub tells me it will probably be a blank check on her part and a list of meaningless suggestions to him. What good are limits with a man who ends everything if told no? I hope I'm wrong.

The story is about the journey to M/s (whatever s means). You showed us several examples of Dave in master mode. Gurff, few words, very firm. You only told us a little bit about the vanilla conversation and interaction at dinner. We didn't get to see it. If you have kept up that pattern, Dave will come across as pretty much of a dickwad. Masters are people, too. The relationship will be a power imbalance. For the sake of the story, the characters need some internal balance.

A few typos that interrupt the flow, especially repeated use of 'are' in place of 'our.' Twenty swats with a hairbrush for you. ;) Looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks for putting in the time and effort to revisit this story.

I am very excited to see how this develops. This story has real promise.