All Comments on 'Not On The List (In 750 Words)'
by IWroteThis
- 136 Comments
Outstanding!! 5 stars, but it needs more, as has been suggested. Please, more? The Bear is waiting.
The BEAR
Not average diecast, in fact, quite original. I give it a 5, since point whatevers are irrelevant.
I love everything you're written. I am also impressed that you've stuck to the 750-word limit for all of them.
Please keep writing!
Nice, for a 750 word story, though need to ignoring a couple of inevitable plot issues like HIPPA (assuming that this is in the US). Also, he and wife apparently haven't had sex in quite a while (I have no idea of the reporting requirements, but maybe months?) if he's not on the list, so perhaps this shouldn't be a total surprise.
So my question: did the poor fellow wind up with the gift that keeps on giving or not? That list is more important than what she ADMITS TO.
A total waste on 750. This one is so good it should have been a full length feature!! 5&FAV
Not plausible. First, Theresa is part part of a medical practice and all patient information is confidential per HIPAA laws. Her divulging a client's medical information would be grounds for major lawsuits. The wife may still be getting divorced but she will be freaking rich from the divorce settlements and the lawsuits against the medical practice for divulging the information.
Nice, short and to the point. The MC was lucky not to have had sex with her recently.
I don't believe I'm saying this but I just gave this 5 stars. It is one of the very, very few 750 word stories that actually works. Bravo to the author, this was genius.
Well it could have been a great story, too bad it was wasted on the 750 word cap
The situation here is incomprehensible to me. Did his wife cut him off from marital sex and therefore not put him on the list? Then what kind of happy marriage is it? Or did she not include him in the list of her sexual partners in order to hide the fact of her venereal disease from him? But what's the point if, without his treatment, she will get the same disease back from him over and over again. Can someone explain to me the meaning of the plot?
Think you need to change your handle to 750 words only as far as I can tell that's about as much as you can write, short swift stories but does lack depth in all of them, try expanding more, try ending better and stock it our for crikes sake, 750 words are good as a starter but sticking to them makes it boring to read
Oh man.
The ending had more qyestions.
1. Did she tried to explain her cheating?
2 Did he divorced her or did the wife allowed him to have sex with any woman to even things up?
/
I guess the writer wants me to make my own ending
Too many holes make this tale too much incomplete to be enjoyable. This could have been a really good tale with at least one half page more. This excessive 750-words trend is destroying the quality of these LW tales.
Epilogue: Instead of a divorce Charlie convinced his empty headed cheating skank slut wife he wanted to make amends and start over. He took her on a nice vacation to Mexico where he was paid 5K from a Mexican cartel to own her whore ass. They made it look like a disappearance and they paid the cops to look the other way. Sweet wife now works in a Tijuana whore house. When the abducted her they let hubby give her a goodbye kiss. He laughed his ass off as she pleaded with him not to do it. He slapped the bitch so hard she saw stars. She screamed and begged as they led her away but he didn't give one flying fuck about the whore. He lived happily ever after. Her... not so much.
So much for HIPPA. I wonder how she’s going to like being sued. And he takes the word of a woman he hasn’t seen in 3 years without talking to his wife?
This story literally makes no sense.
Wow. Major HIPPA violation. Why would anyone want to get involved with any one who has such a lack of morals and ethics.
The wife would have ruined her career. She would never become a nurse after that.
, the legal problems are more on the wife that she didn't reveal all of her sexual partners, assuming she's fucking her husband. As far as Theresa revealing the wife's diagnosis, that would have been revealed anyway if she had put him on the list as she should have.
& - I'm working on longer stories, but I've surprised even myself with how much I'm enjoying the 750 Word Project. Don't worry, it's about to end for another year, and I'm running out of 750 word ideas, so I'll be focusing on my longer stories soon. They won't come out as quick, but I will keep writing.
2 stars. Who cares if you met the word count, we know nothing about the story.
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Maximum of 3 stars for 750 word scenes, this one earns a 2.
- A good lawyer could probably get her off on this one. While she based her request for a date on HIPAA protected data, she did not actually disclose anything until after he gave her reason to believe that he should have been included on that list. It could be argued that she was seeking clarification of that point and it becomes a question of does HIPAA protect fraud that stops the health department from doing their job.
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- Unfortunately, he is still waiting for the test results.
He should bring charges against the slut wife. She endangered his health. Go to the police, and fuck up her life!
ZK
Enjoyed the story, and you left room for a follow up. Thanks for your writing.
What a lovely fantasy and possibly the kindest way to learn your wife is cheating. I liked it.
Nice.
It's always nice to see a writer's work improve.
You see it in this story.
A well worked (though short) plot.
And a good answer to the slut's last question.
4 out of 5 from me.
Loved it, clean, crisp with a great (informed) ending (albeit tongue-in-cheek twist).
One of the best 750 I’ve read.i liked how story progressed. It started out vaguely and then it was all there!
I voted 5 star. Hehe. It’s an easy reading story, but the plot is -at least to me- new. Hence 5 stars.
- If you want me to take your HIPAA comments seriously, don't refer to it as HIPPA...
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- I appreciate the feedback, but I have to disagree with your conclusions. I've touched on the other elsewhere, so I'll just point out that HIPAA does not apply to anything her husband might have said and thus he would not be harmed in the divorce settlement for it. Instead, she would be harmed by displaying malice aforethought in hiding her STI and his possible exposure to it from him.
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- I do have longer stories I'm working on and will be posting. I had originally planned on only posting one or two before adding some full length stories but the thrill of letting others read my stories and getting feedback was a bit more addictive than expected, so I ended up focusing on the 750 Word Project going on. It will be over soon, which is good as I'm running out of 750 word story ideas.
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& - I didn't come right out and say it, but since Theresa wanted a date after the divorce was final and he's planning out that date, it's strongly implied that he will be getting divorced.
Looks like she made a decision, but didn't tell him. If she has a list, he shouldn't have the HO anyway! I'm coming, Theresa, honey!
... Seriously, though: Theresa maybe fun for a day or two, but, long term, she sounds too stupid to take seriously. Who the hell drop such a bomb on someone like that!?
Oh well. Nice flash nonetheless.
5 well-earned stars.
I really liked this essay.
Imagine what you could do with a part 2.
Have a nice day
Another pointless fragment of a story, with just a small body questions without answers, so almost useless: divorce ? STI ? What happened next ?
750 word stories should have a different scale, but at least they are frequently well-labeled.
Good concise story!
Novel. No mention though of how he couldn't even be on her sexual contact list without there having been some mention of their troubled marriage.
Okay, I guess. Though, I'm wondering why writers even bother anymore. These short-ass stories are boring af because there's no time to develop anything.
Good on him! Not so good on the wife.
But I'm sure he'll do just fine with Theresa giving him all the TLC he'll need to move on.
Perfect.
We have a new 750 word Champion.
Your short works just keep getting better.
Would love to see what you could do with 10k Words.
Short and sweet. Now you need to make a part 2 where he burns the cheating slut to the ground.
Well done flash story. Don't let anyone bully you into writing more, this story is 5 stars just the way it is.
Hopefully, Theresa will enjoy the Italian restaurant. Once she begins her prison sentence for unauthorized disclosure of privileged personal health information, there wont be any nights out for 5 to 7 years.