Now It's My Turn Ch. 02

Writing can be fun but the support that WillyB and The Troubador have given make it a real pleasure. If you enjoy this, then they should take a bow. If you didn't let me know so that I can improve my skills.

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Sunday morning came and went and I still hadn't got my head around what had happened. Megan was due to arrive at four and I wasn't sure what I would say or how I would react when I saw her.

Moping around the house I realized I hadn't talked to the kids since the breakup Friday night, I had a desperate need to see and hold them. They were the last remaining part of Megan's and my life together.

I was putting off the unpleasant task of telling them about our breakup, I knew it would devastate them. With Megan arriving soon and the possibility of some unattractive discussion or a messy argument I decided to leave them with my parents.

As I reached for the phone, to call mum, it burst into life with a shrill ring startling me. I took a few seconds to collect myself and answer it, my voice dull and flat just like I felt, "Yeah, Jack Wright."

"Jack? It's Sylvia, I need to talk to you."

My voice hard and unwelcoming, I answered her with the only response that sprang to mind. The hatred I felt for this woman dripped from each word, "I've got nothing to say to you bitch."

Hanging up I stared at the phone. No witty retort, not even original, but it held a depth of feeling that could only be expressed in this way.

Within seconds it rang again this time I let the answering machine take the call.

"Jack, it's Sylvia pick up the phone please, I know you're there." Nothing but the whirring of the recorder, then she spoke again this time pleading, "Please Jack I need to talk to you about Megan."

The last few words caught up with me as I closed the bathroom door.

I could feel the anger building again, that bitch had helped ruin my marriage, helped take my kids mother from them, set me up and now she expected me to talk to her. Yeah right, like that would happen this side of hell freezing over.

I needed a shower, just the thought of her made me feel dirty I wanted to scrub the very memory of her out of my life.

With all the stress of the last few weeks I felt drained and tired. Hoping to ease my weary body and mind I opted for a spa bath instead. Turning on the water to fill the tub I saw Megan's oils and salts carefully arranged along the side of the bath, waiting for her return.

Her smell was everywhere, from the subtleness of her oils and bubble bath to the more stringent odour of her mouthwash. Our, or rather my bedroom was the same, soaked in her personal scent and her perfume.

I felt desolate and lonely, missing her laughter and her smile. The closeness that we had shared for eight years was something many couples never experienced. I was at a loss now that she was gone from my life, yet the very thought of her made me angry. More anger than I can ever remember feeling at any other time in my life.

The normal everyday sounds drifted in from outside. Someone cutting their lawn, a car passed by and kids played in their yard. Steam filled the room and, as I calmed down, my senses started to register these things. I relaxed and sank into the water.

The bath eased my aching frame and my mind time shifted back to Saturday and Mary my ex girlfriend who had helped me.

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Reflections on Saturday

Friday night her administrations had satisfied my immediate needs or at least the revenge I had planned, but it was a hollow victory. Saturday had been more of the same except that the sex had been less frantic and the familiarity of her body had returned. I couldn't call it making love nor was it fucking. It was sex for the sake of it.

By noon we had both realized that it wasn't going to work. There were no fireworks, no passion and even the attraction we once held for each other had diminished with time. We were different, not the same people that we had been back then. .

Mary lay beside me on the bed, naked. Smiling she said, "Well what now? Do we shake hands and go our separate ways before things get anymore awkward?"

How do you answer a question like that?

We had lain in silence for the last 10 minutes hardly looking at each other.

Turning I faced her and in doing it I faced my reality. She lay in the crook of my arm, my hand idly brushing her blonde hair where it touched her shoulder. There was no denying that she was still beautiful. If anything she had improved with age, less awkward and more assured. Her body had filled out a little in all the right places giving her a more sensual look.

Even the drops of cum that were drying on her breasts and chin did nothing to detract from her loveliness. Only minutes before I had my cock between those breasts pumping and straining to spray my release. Mary had a thing for being titty fucked, she really got off on it. I had seen her reach orgasm while I fucked her tits without ever having touched her pussy. The very thought of it seemed to make her breasts extra sensitive.

Clearing my throat I stated the obvious, "I don't know what to say. It has been great but the old spark just isn't there. Maybe in time once I get over Megan, who knows."

Taking her chin in my hand I brought her face close to mine and placed a soft kiss on her lips. A kiss that held friendship and caring but lacked the love and passion it once held. I could taste the salty semen that I had deposited there and knew that it had been all about me.

Unlike sex with Megan which was mostly about pleasing her, my time with Mary was about self gratification. With that realization came sadness, I had used her in a way I never should have. Someone I considered a close friend, someone who was willing to help me in my time of need. I had used her and now it felt like I was casting her aside. My offer of time was nothing more than a sop to my guilty conscience. Even now I was still thinking of me rather than Mary and her feelings.

"Mary I never...."

She held her fingers to my lips silencing me. The look in her eyes held compassion and caring.

Her voice was soft, "Don't say it. I know what you are feeling because I once lost someone I loved deeply. He was taken from me and I was too weak to fight for him. I have moved on and so has he. I still love him deeply and will do anything I can to be there for him. I also know that I am not in love with him, nor he with me."

A small tear escaped her left eye running down her cheek to disappear under her chin. She made no move to wipe it away, instead she continued.

"It's time to move on. This has been special and I will always remember it as such. When we were together I wanted so many things and left you to find them. When I did, it was only to find that it wasn't what I thought it would be."

I felt her sigh as her breasts moved against my chest and the rise of her stomach pushing into my abdomen.

"I would return to you knowing that you were always there for me. You would take me back and never ask questions. Sometimes I wished that you would, but then I didn't know if I could answer them truthfully. You must have heard the rumours, yet your love for me was so strong you ignored them."

The tears were running freely now, the guilt she was expressing leaving with each tear drop.

"I betrayed that trust so many times but you never betrayed me, never let me down as I had you. Now it's my turn to repay you. To return some of that love. I know you feel guilty about last night and today. That's something I find so attractive in you. Your sense of right. Megan loved it too and she was willing to fight for you when I wasn't. You never asked what we discussed when we met that day, giving us the privacy we needed. Now I think you should know."

I didn't want this and told her so, "Mary you don't have to tell me. You have done enough for me and I appreciate what you have done and said. I feel better about us and I do love you as a very special person in my life."

"Please don't interrupt. I need to get this off my chest so I can feel better about myself," her response was quick and left no doubt as to what she wanted.

"Megan came to see me that day to warn me off. Actually she came to blackmail me into leaving you alone so that she could have you. We argued and I refused. I knew that if I asked you would take me back like you always did. Megan knew it too and decided to level the playing field a little. As it turned out she tilted it distinctly in her favour."

Mary had stopped sobbing and pulled back to look me in the eye. A look of apprehension on her face, as she braced for what was to come.

Her voice quivered as she continued, "I had tried to get Megan interested in other guys, setting her up to meet some of the guys I had dated. She never gave them a second look. It soon became obvious that she loved you and more importantly you loved her. She asked me if she gave you up would I be willing to stop my cheating."

She had started and didn't want to stop until she had said it all. It was all rapid, like bursts of machinegun fire.

Words tumbled out, "Yes that is what it was, cheating. I hesitated before answering, that was all she needed. She told me that if I had to think about it then I didn't deserve you. Megan said that she knew about my abortion and would tell you if I didn't leave you alone."

Mary's voice had gradually turned into a whisper and I'd had to listen carefully to hear the last part.

"What abortion? I never knew about any of this."

"I had fallen pregnant when we were together but didn't find out until after we had split up. I was dating a guy on the hockey team and I was afraid that if he knew I was pregnant he would dump me. I went to a clinic and had our baby aborted so that I could be with someone else. He dumped me anyway. Somehow Sylvia had found out and told Megan. I knew you would be mad and so I let her have you rather than face up to what I had done."

Mary buried her face in my chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

My world had become even more horrible a place. What had I done to deserve this?

Again the self-pity rose to the surface while Mary lay suffering in my arms, her body racked with sobs. The accusation in my words offended me, how must they be affecting Mary? Immediately I was sorry and needed to make amends.

I did the only thing I could do. Softly I stroked her hair and whispered in her ear.

"I understand and I forgive you. You have carried this guilt far to long. I don't know how I would have reacted then but I do know that it's in the past and should be left there. That was nine years ago, it's time to forgive yourself. Even if you don't, I won't give up on you. You are too important for me to lose your friendship."

Mary threw her arms around my neck and hugged me close, covering my face with kisses.

Her voice held an element of happiness, "I have imagined this talk for years and it always ended in you hating me and telling me you never wanted to talk to me again. That's why I couldn't tell you. I never expected you to forgive me."

Mary paused for a few moments to collect her thoughts then turned the tables on me with a lecture.

Her voice took on a strength that hadn't heard for a long time.

"Now listen to me Jack Wright, if you can forgive me just like that then you should consider applying that same compassion to the woman you really love."

I shook my head in disagreement, the violent movement making the bed shake and her breasts vibrated in sync.

"It's not the same thing. She cheated on me and destroyed the trust I had in her. You and I weren't married and besides it was so long ago."

Mary continued with her lecture countering my every objection with a determination that brought back memories. When she had wanted something from me she used the same resolve she was showing now. Mary usually got what she wanted.

"We both cheated on you, I more than her. Each time you forgave me now it's time to do the same for her. That is if you really love her. Time does heal wounds but you have only just found out about the abortion so you can't use that argument. It's as fresh as if it happened yesterday.

"I could see it in your eyes and feel it in your body that you still wanted her not me. She fought for you once shouldn't you do the same for her?"

"You're right, I do still love her. At least part of me does, but I don't know if I can forgive her. I know I will never forget and that's what will destroy us."

"No! What will destroy your marriage is if you are unwilling to make the effort to save it. Of course you'll never forget, nor will she, but you can put it into its proper perspective. Weigh up what you stand to lose against what you may save. Think of your kids and how their needs and feelings will be affected."

That last statement bit deep causing my feelings of guilt to resurface.

"Mary, that's unfair bringing the kids into it. I have thought of their needs but how will it help them if they have parents who are constantly arguing or worse not even talking? What example will it set for them? How will that help them? What if she continues to bring home other men? I couldn't handle that, nor should I be put in that position."

A loud banging on the door stopped any further discussion.

"Damn I wonder who that is? I wasn't expecting anyone."

Reaching for my pants I swung out of bed. As I put them on the banging continued, incessant and demanding.

"OK I'm coming, hold on a minute," my irritation at being disturbed obvious.

Making my way down stairs I saw a large shadow through the glazed door. The tinted glass giving it a sepia look. I knew that it had to be Steve come to extract his revenge for what I had done. I had made up my mind what I should do if it came to this, I was ready.

Time and motion seemed to slow down as I approached the door, preparing for what I knew was to come. The whole thing becoming surreal.

Steve out weighed me by thirty pounds and stood a good three inches taller than my five foot ten inches. I knew he worked out and had played football in college so he wouldn't be a push over. My advantage was my anger and surprise. I knew he had always considered me a bit of a wimp because of my quiet approach to life and that he wouldn't expect me to react aggressively. That would be his undoing.

Opening the door I saw Steve, a look of thunder on his face, raising his fist to bang again. It never landed.

In slow time I saw his eyes open wide in astonishment as my fist moved towards him.

"You bastard ...Ahhhh!!!" His screams of anger turned to a scream of pain as my fist landed squarely on his nose.

His anger had slowed his reflexes and he managed only a slight evasive movement before it landed, forcing his head backwards. I felt rather than heard the cartilage smash under my hand and saw a spray of blood. Watching the droplets slowly arc through the air to land on the leaves of a pot plant that stood by the door. The red blood was oddly attractive against the variegated greenery. I felt as if I had all the time in the world, it was like watching an old movie slowed right down.

Real time returned with a thump as he staggered backwards off the porch, careering into the rose bushes that bordered the path. The blood was pouring between his fingers as he held his nose, soaking the front of his grey shirt and dripping onto the path.

His look of amazement gave me control of the situation.

"Fuck off you pathetic piece of shit. If I see you again you'll get more of the same."

Closing the door I left him lying in a tangled mess amongst the roses.

Mary stood behind me as I turned from the door.

"Are you ok?"

"No. I think I busted my damn hand," the pain obvious in my words.

A smile creased her face and she began to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Well from what I saw of Steve I'd say you may have won on points but others might say you both broke even. Here let me look at that."

I offered up my hand and then realized what she had meant.

"Yeah, very funny."

Still I had to smile at the whole thing. Later I would probably regret it but for now I felt good.

"It's not broken just bruised, a bit like your ego at the moment. Did it help to do that?"

"Not really, but I couldn't not do it. It's a male thing I guess. You wouldn't understand."

Mary bent and kissed my bruised fingers before taking control.

"I'll get some ice for your hand, your bruised ego will have to look after it's self. Now sit." She pushed me onto the couch before going to the kitchen.

Returning she handed me a pack of frozen peas, "Here put this on your hand, it'll help. While you're doing that I'll get showered and dressed."

Putting the ice pack on my battered hand I closed my eyes and sank back into the cushions.

How could my life get so screwed up in such a short time? I had no idea of how I really felt about anything that had happened in the last few weeks. Emotions came and went on a whim, a sound or a smell. Each change brought new thoughts and feelings. Fear, anger, resentment, frustration, these had been words to me but now I had a deeper understanding of what they meant. How they could impact on your life, unwanted but present none the less.

A small sound caught my attention and I opened my eyes to see Mary, still standing there, watching me intently. That look of compassion was back in her eyes turning them from their normal bright blue to a misty grey.

"Do you realize what you have just done? I mean attacking him like you did?"

"Yes. I'll probably end up on an assault charge and go to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, straight to the slammer."

"Well yes there's that possibility but something else," her words were insistent, demanding I listen and participate in this discussion.

The resignation displayed in my tone, "No. What is it that you can see that I can't?"

"You just fought for her, or at least started to fight for her. Don't stop now."

Confusion whirled through my head and for a moment I was lost for words.

"I....I..I don't think so. It was just anger and frustration. I was fighting for myself not her."

"Jack I know you. You hate violence. You would rather run a hundred miles than lash out like you just did, at least in your own defense. In defense of your family you're different. You just proved it, although your stubborn nature won't let you accept it."

Shaking her head in frustration Mary made her way upstairs, her long blonde hair swaying with every movement.

Soon the sound of running water could be heard and above it the sound of Mary singing. What did she have to be so happy about? Then I remembered her earlier confession and my offer of unconditional forgiveness. Of course she was happy that our friendship would continue but more than that she had shed some of the guilt that had been with her all these years.

Softly the words filtered down to me.

" and we all know it's better, yesterday has past, now let's all start living for the one that's going to last."

I'd heard those same words sung so many times but never in a million years had I ever thought I would hear them like this. Damn that woman knew how to get to a man.

Twenty minutes later Mary was back dressed and carrying her overnight bag.

"Want some coffee before you go? I've just put on a fresh pot."

"No thanks. How's the hand?"

"Sore but it'll be ok. You were right, I don't think I broke anything."

The smell of the coffee wafted through the room, reminding me why I made it. My gut was tied up in knots and I felt like shit.

Mary leaned forward and kissed me lightly.

"Think on what I said, sleep on it before you make any rash decisions. Promise me that at least."