All Comments on 'Pool Boy Ch. 02'

Great story

Great story and I want to be invited to the next one....

[Thanks to Headitor for his editing assistance.] Yeah, you ought to be proud!!!! Another two or three passes and this could be a reasonable second draft, definitely not a finished chapter!!!! Challenged by both numbers AND words. Remarkable A DOUBLE THREAT MAN!!!!

Together they bring in the THIRD AND FINAL MEMBER of their clique. OLIVIA and SOPHIA had lain back on the bed with a hand on each other's tit. EMMA AND HER DAUGHTER ALEXIS had cuddled up on the floor. (WTF!!!! 1,2,3,4 NOT THREE!!!!)

un-noticed (unnoticed)

soiree my husband is hosting here tomorrow (-night) (THE VERY ENTOMOLOGY OF THE WORD INDICATES THAT THIS CAN ONLY BE A NIGHTTIME ACTIVITY!!!!)

No-ones' (No one’s)

Alexis' (Alexis’s) (9)

Lathed (laved)

well.' (well)

G spots (G-spots)

tendons were taught (taut)

LAUNCHED UP and off my cock and a stream of milky fluid LAUNCHED UP (4 OF 14 WORDS)

G spot (G-spot)

shushed us out of the bedroom (MEANING UNKNOWN ONLINE!!!! UNCLEAR!!!! POORLY EXPRESSED!!!!)

Master Bedroom (master bedroom) (2)

Master Bathroom (master bathroom)

everyone took a glob (we all)

Public Pool (public pool)

along HER FACE and gently pushed her hair away (-from HER FACE) (4 OF11 WORDS)

TOUCHED her ear lobes and she moaned (-from the TOUCH) (2 OF 10 WORDS)

on to (onto) (5)

after-shocks (aftershocks)

finger tips (fingertips)

o to (onto)

finger nails (fingernails)

back stairs (backstairs)

tongue fucked (tongue-fucked)

finger fucked (finger-fucked )

nut shell (nutshell)

new born (newborn)

laying there (lying) (2)

I'm loving it. I can be picky about sloppy writing and I didn't find anything the previous anon commenter mentioned distracting. I did find it amusing, considering how picky that poster was, that they confused entomology, the study of insects, with etymology, word origins.

Some grammatical errors and inconsistencies, but less than the first chapter, and they didn't detract from the overall enjoyment.

I agree with Anonymous 11/29/17 ("Great story") about Mr. Picky (the Anonymous just before him, dated 04/15/16) and that any minor errors did not bother me -- in fact, went mostly unnoticed.

In addition to the error of Mr. Picky that Anonymous 11/29/17 noticed, Mr. Picky is also in error when he assumes that the possessive form for Alexis goes by the usual grammatical rule of adding 's, thus producing "Alexis's."

However, Alexis ends with s; therefore, the possessive form simply adds ', thus producing "Alexis' " -- so BigZeke13 was correct.

To me, kibbutzing over whether it is "back stairs" (the author) or "backstairs" (Mr. Picky) is pointless. Same with capitalized "Master Bedroom" versus uncapitalized "master bedroom." Sure, capitalization of nouns is not kosher, unless they are proper nouns (eg. names) or unless they are the first word in a sentence -- but, really, who cares beside Mr. Picky? It did not bother me

-- and I had 8 formal years of education (college, graduate school) after high school.

Besides, Literotica is an amateur site, which I am gratefully reading for free.

I do not expect the level of perfection that comes from publishing houses with professional (and costly) editors.

Why Mr. Picky could not find "shushed" online, I have no idea.

When I searched "shushed, definition," it immediately -- as the first selection-- prodiced:

1a. tell or signal (someone) to be silent

"she shushed him with a wave"

1b. become or remain silent

"Beth told her to shush"

2. move with or make a soft swishing or rustling sound

"I stood to watch a big liner shushing slowly past"

To Mr. Picky I give the words of Jesus:

Do not judge so that you will not be judged.

For in the way you judge you will be judged,

and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.

(Matthew 7:1 - 2).

Jesus' words are not against expressing opinions about (judging) someone -- as various commentaries online validate.

They do warn to judge yourself first, and be prepared to take it back when you dish it out -- which is what I, and the other Anonymous, are doing to Mr. Picky (and thus fulfilling Jesus' words).

The story?

Interesting.

5 stars.

Paul in Oklahoma .