All Comments on 'Roommate Surprise - Abby and Kate Ch. 01'
by nmow
- 9 Comments
Charming premise.
Main problem is that sex scene/s lack needed details. Not enough description of exactly what was being done.
Needed more of Abby playing with his cock and teasing it/him before it gets inserted into pussy.
And you need an editor/proofreader. You mix up tenses. Sometimes in the same sentence.
Four stars.
Excellent first entry! Characters easy to keep separate, no drama, just consenting adults having fun. A few typos, but nothing too confusing. Dialogue is fun, too. Lmk if you want a proofreader/editor for the next chapter.
very boring and not solid writing skill at all. Need a editor and a writing course or two or maybe you will never be a serious writer as it doesn't appear to be your passion, maybe a hobby but it needs tons of help.