The Broken Circle Ch. 03

Emily couldn't sleep. His uncle's words kept haunting her: "failed the one member who needed it the most".

She was supposed to be in a sleepover with one of her fellow cheerleaders, but a sudden bout of high fever caused her friend's mom to take her to the ER and she returning home, where she arrived on time to overhear the last part of the meeting. She had used the back door so nobody knew she was already home.

She heard the words of her uncle, and suddenly felt sick. A sob escaped her lips, but no one seemed to hear it. She listened until the end, then tiptoed to her room and fell on her bed. Her mind was awash with images of Paul, of some of the pranks she and her friends played on him, of Shirley Blake's laugh when he asked her out. Actually it was also her doing, he would have never dared to do it if Emily hadn't fibbed him that Shirley had a secret crush on him. "Needed it the most" she thought again. Certainly Emily and Mike didn't need the circle, with her great body and his hunky good looks they had no problem to attract partners. In fact, Mike was in his third girlfriend since last year. And Paul was... just Paul.

"Safe place... accepted and loved..." Certainly Paul had not gotten much of those, either. Why didn't she defend her little brother when their cousin Lisa made that "Tubby" comment? Why didn't she mention all his good traits, his intelligence, his good heart, and instead joined the nobody-likes-Paul fest?

She liked to think of herself as a good person. Now her actions belied that belief. "I failed him," she repeated to herself. "I failed my little brother". Silent tears ran down her cheeks.

With her eyes closed she heard her door opening, and felt Mike entering her room. "Hi".

She opened her eyes and looked at him in silence.

"Em... wanna fuck?"

"Sorry, not in the mood," she answered.

"Come on Em, just a quickie" -he insisted- "Mom isn't in the mood either"

"She's upset and worried about Paul. What about you, aren't you at least a bit worried?"

"Who cares? Come on, it's been what, two days? let's fuck" and started to caress her breast.

"I said no!" she sat and looked at him, furious. "You are complaining because of two days without sex, and Paul has been going without, what, years?"

"Emily, what..."

"He's our brother, dammit! We were supposed to be there for him, to be his safe place, but instead we made him a pariah! He's been a pariah in this house, a pariah at school and now we turned him into a pariah with the whole family!" She started to cry.

"Please leave."

"But..."

"I said LEAVE!"

He ran out of the room.

Among tears, she kept thinking. At school Paul was among the nerds and losers -with his siblings' help, too- and his sole hope of losing his virginity was in the circle. Some other boy would have been depressed, but Paul had simply accepted it and waited for his 18th birthday. And just before it, his hopes were shattered.

"Oh, Paul..." she cried. "What have we done?"

-------------

After one more night of sleep and self-pity, Paul went to the bathroom and looked at him in the mirror. His reflect showed him a round face with a bit of a jowl, unruly curly hair and a general air of neglect.

"Enough!" he thought. "I have to think about the future. My future." After showering and shaving, he went to the small desk next to his bed and started to make a list. First order of business was to check school. He thought he had enough credits to graduate early, therefore negating the need for a GED. Then contact his clients and inform that he was again available. He saw more messages in his inbox, this time not only from his mom and uncle but also from his sister. Curious, he opened the latter.

Dear Paul

First of all I want to tell you I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for the way I treated you, sorry for not being a good sister, sorry for all the things I did, or that I allowed others to do, that caused you pain.

Finally I want to ask you to forgive me for failing you at the circle. As your sister I should have been the first one to welcome you but instead joined the others when they decided not to have sex with you.

"WHAT?" said Paul. So that's why I wasn't to be inducted... all that "normal life" bullshit was just that, bullshit. Fuck, fuck fuck!"

"The others..." Although Emily had meant only their cousins and her, the unintended vagueness of the expression caused Paul to understand it in the widest sense of the word which, ironically, was also the truest. "So nobody wanted to have sex with me. Nor Emily, nor my aunts, nor my cousins... not even Mom."

Again, the porcelain goddess got a visit. This time it was mostly bile, since he hadn't had breakfast yet. And how things were, he doubted he would have appetite in a long time.

Taking courage, he forced himself to keep reading.

Dear brother, please come back. I promise you to give you all the love you deserve and didn't get before, to be a good sister, to make you part of the circle. I can't bear the thought of not seeing you again.

All my love,

Emily

"Words," he thought. "Empty words and the promise of a pity fuck."

He started to remember the nights he had spent hearing his siblings going at it. One night stood out, when he had arrived from one of his D&D meetings and saw his family watching a movie at the den. Emily was sitting on Mike's lap, obviously joined in lazy intercourse. She was rocking slowly on his cock, while watching the TV screen. Their mom was at the other end of the couch, reading a book. With her legs stretched, her toes were touching Mike's leg and his hand was caressing her feet. The familiar charm of the scene almost moved him to tears, and he couldn't wait for his time to come.

Reminiscing, he thought: "They looked like a perfect family. A complete family"... A family in which he was not included. He suddenly remembered something that had happened months ago when he was talking with Emily about his upcoming 18th birthday. "That's what you think" she had smirked when he mentioned that he expected to lose his virginity at that time. The unavoidable -although erroneous- conclusion was that they had decided not to include him a long time, years perhaps, before informing him of that fact.

He felt it clearly. Every good word, every happy memory, each and every conversation with his mom or his siblings became suspect, tainted. On the other hand, every malicious prank, every smirk, every putdown were amplified and filled every nook and cranny of his being. Whatever love he had for his family died at that very moment.

He wrote back: "Sorry but your apology waited until I was 18. It's too late now. Good bye." He didn't hesitate on clicking "Send". After that, he blocked all his family.

"Ok, boy." he told the mirror. "From now on you're alone. Move your ass and make a life for yourself."

Martha was cooking dinner when a wail broke her concentration. She ran upstairs and found Emily curled on her bed.

"What's wrong, honey?" She asked.

Almost inaudibly, she answered "He's not going back, mom. And it's my fault."

"What do you..." she saw the email in the screen. She started to read it and suddenly stopped. "You told him that nobody wanted to have sex with him?"

"I just wanted..."

"Em, he didn't know that." She wanted to shout, but knew that Emily was too fragile right now. "We told him that he needed to have a normal life, and you knew that".

"I'm so sorry, I didn't think. I just wanted him back."

"So now he knows the real reason, and probably feels that we were just playing him. But what does he mean when he says the apology waited until he turned 18?"

"Well..." Emily said. "Some months ago I teased Paul about being almost 18 and a virgin. He told me that he wasn't worried about it because he would lose it at 18. I told him "don't be so sure" or something like that."

"What did you mean by that?"

"I meant nothing mom, I was just teasing him. I suppose Paul now thinks that at that time we had already planned to refuse him."

"But that's not true." said Martha. "I can't imagine what he's feeling right now." She whispered, looking at the floor. "It is also my fault. I was so content with the two of you that Paul just slipped out of my mind. But he should have said something."

"He did, mom. But I didn't listen."

Just at that moment Emily's Whatssap alert pinged. It was cousin Lisa.

"Hey Em, I have some ideas for the next party. Call me!"

Emily read the message and said: "Mom, do you mind if I skip next party? I'm really not in the mood for it. Probably I will never be."

"It's ok, honey. I wasn't planning to go, either."

Suddenly her lips kissed her daughter's cheek. Emily's mouth seeked her mom's lips. Seconds later, both women were nude, panting and touching each other, in a mixture of kisses, caresses and hugs. It was not a strange occurrence, but unlike other times, this was more a search for mutual reassurance and consolation than simply horniness. Each one of them was imagining that those caressing hands were Paul's.

-----------------

Paul Exposito, Former Paul Jenkins.

Age: 22

Studies: Community College

Current Employment: IT Support Specialist

Lives Alone, No Relatives Known.

No Relationships Known.

"No relatives known", read John. After four years and thousands of dollars spent on private investigators, he had found his nephew. He studied his picture. He was still chubby, but not as much as before. His face was a bit less round, and his clothes, although clean, looked somewhat worn.

"Paul Exposito" thought John. An apt name, since "Exposito" is the Spanish word for a "Foundling", a child without a family.

After Emily's letter Paul had cut every contact with the family, him included. "If only he had answered me," he thought for umpteenth time, "we could have been able to fix everything." Unfortunately his numerous emails were never answered.

Long conversations were held at the circle and the whole fiasco was attributed to teen immaturity and callousness, combined with an emphasis on the physical gratification aspect of the circle. A big change then was that the older members started to highlight the "love" and "safe place" aspects of the parties. New members were coached by their parents and older siblings, and in general the atmosphere changed from a purely sexual thing to a loving exchange. At that time, however, Martha and Emily had already left the circle. Mike, on the other hand, was still a regular attendant to the parties. That was not strange because, since the day Paul left, neither Martha nor Emily had sexually touched -or allowed to be touched by- him at all.

-------------

"Hi uncle John!" said Emily.

"Hi, beautiful!" answered him. "Is Martha home?"

"She should arrive at any time now." Martha worked as assistant manager in a local bank and her hours were pretty much set.

"Great. How's job"

"Same-o, same-o."

Emily was a clerk in the City Hall. Not the most exciting job in the world, but it was a steady job, which considering the current economy was not so bad.

"Your aunt wants to start planning Lisa's baby shower, so make sure of calling her this week." Although Emily and her mom weren't part of the circle anymore, they were in good terms with their relatives, specially with aunt Bridget. In an ironical twist of fate Lisa, the cousin who had started the fiasco, had married an almost clone of Paul and brought him into the circle. She was 5-months pregnant now.

"OK. Why don't you sit and I'll bring you a soda?"

"Thanks".

He sat on "his" couch to wait. It used to be Emily's father's couch, but after his death John was the only older male visiting them. When Martha was in the Circle she had no need for a boyfriend and, after leaving it, John was the only man she had intercourse with, generally one or two times a month. He also serviced Emily when she was between boyfriends.

Mike had left home after getting his degree and now lived in a studio apartment nearby. He had said he wanted his freedom, but the real reason was that he was frustrated of living with two hot females and not having sex with any of them.

"Hi sis!" said John.

"Hi bro!" smiled Martha. "Isn't early for our monthly time?"

"Actually I'm here for another reason," he said. "We found Paul."

"Paul!" cried Emily. "Where is my brother?"

Martha's eyes started to water. "Where is my son? Is he ok? Is he happy?"

He had planned to give them a summary, but instead he just handed them the envelope.

Martha took it and opened it with trembling hands. The first thing she saw was a photography. Yes, he was Paul. He was dressed in a white shirt and blue tie, sitting in some kind of office cubicle.

"He's lost weight and his hair is different." noticed Emily. "But he's him all right."

"Paul Exposito?" What kind of name is that? Martha wondered aloud.

"Well..." he started, but suddenly Emily sighed.

"Don't you understand, mom? Exposito means "orphan without family" in Spanish."

At that moment John had two crying women in his hands. His best move, he decided, was to let them cry.

After a few minutes both women were spent and John continued.

"He's been living in Portland for the last four years. He went to community college there, graduated and now works in a big company. The thing is, he's alone. No relatives..." he raised his eyes, but the women were calm. "No girlfriends known."

"When can we see him?" Emily asked.

"Visiting him is no problem. The thing is, we don't know how will he react. Maybe he will hug you, maybe he will close the door in your face. I simply don't know." said John.

"I don't care," said Emily. "He's my brother and I will go to him. If he shuts his door in my face I will sit at the gate until he allows me in."

"And I will be sitting next to you." said her mom.

"Ok," said John. "I will book three tickets." "Two," said Martha. "Sorry bro, but I think this is something we have to do by ourselves."

"I understand," he said, smiling. "Go, Martha. Go to your son and bring him back."

--------------

Both women were standing in front of a building whose façade had seen better days. According to the report, Paul rented a small two-bedroom apartment in the fourth floor. The intercom panel had two columns of buttons, one of which was "4C - P. Exposito."

Despite the appearances, Paul Exposito was in a very good financial standing. Although his official title was simply "Support specialist", he actually was one of the main troubleshooters in the company and the man to send when the clients needed time-sensitive lifesaving measures in their IT systems. His wage reflected that. But, he liked to work alone. A better title would mean a supervisory role or to have underlings, which was something he didn't want. He normally wore casual clothes, but the day the PI took the photo he was dressed to attend to a colleague's wedding, so the white shirt and blue tie gave him the look of a simple office worker.

He had calculated that, with his frugal lifestyle, within a couple of years he would have enough money saved to buy the type of house he wanted, something with a lot of acreage, to enjoy his solitude.

Unlike his finances, his love life never seemed to take off. The self-confidence he irradiated in his daily work never translated to his personal relationships. He was still extremely shy with women and had never had a girlfriend, despite the friendly overtures from some of his female colleagues and from one or another secretary/receptionist when he visited clients. An escort relieved him of his virginity when he was 20, and nowadays a call girl visited him a couple of hours every two weeks. That same call girl had been teaching him the finer points of lovemaking and was of the opinion that Paul would some day make a lucky woman very happy... if he ever overcame his shyness long enough to actually woo a woman.

Paul was watching a movie when the intercom rang.

"Yes?" he answered, thinking that perhaps one of his Amazon orders had arrived early. He wasn't prepared for the voice he heard.

"Paul?" Suddenly he felt an avalanche of feelings hitting him all at the same time. But there was one feeling that stood out: anger.

"Paul, are you there?" insisted the voice. "It's your mom."

He didn't say a thing. His finger automatically pushed the button to open the door of the building.

"How did she find me?" was his first coherent thought. "What does she want?" was a close second. He started to breathe in and out, trying to slow down his heart rate. After one minute his hands stopped shaking.

He heard the door chime. He opened the door and there she was. His former mother, Martha. But she wasn't alone. His former sister Emily was there, too.

He looked at them. He was about to open his mouth to unload on them all the anger he felt, but never had the chance.

Emily jumped him, her arms locked around his neck and crying hysterically in his ear. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." she repeated, her eyes bathed in tears. "I love you, please forgive me, I love you, my brother, my Paul..." They fell together on the carpeted floor. He tried to free himself but Emily didn't budge and kept crying she was sorry.

Suddenly he felt a second set of arms around him. "Paul, honey, my love, my child..."

They stayed locked for a few minutes, until Paul felt Martha's arms trying to help him up.

"Emily, please... I need to stand up."

"No, I won't let you go... I don't want to let you go, ever." she cried, hugging him more fiercely.

"Ok, but we can't stay on the floor." He said. She reluctantly loosed her grip on his body and both of them stood up. Even then, she refused to let him completely go, her arms hugging his arm and her face buried in his shoulder.

Paul wanted to summon his anger, but it was hard to be angry with those two crying and evidently distressed women. So he simply asked. "What are you doing here?"

His mom said: "Paul, we came to bring you home."

"Why?" he asked. Perhaps anger wouldn't come yet, but bitterness would. "Why would you want me back? I'm fat, ugly, a loser. The circle doesn't need or want me."

"Paulie, I'm so sorry about that," said Emily. "I... we were immature and dumb, we didn't realize what was actually important, we didn't mean to hurt you..."

"Didn't mean to hurt me?" "DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT ME?" Now his anger did came back. "You deceived me for years! You made me believe I was a part of the family and all that time you had already decided I wasn't worthy of you!" His body was shaking in resentment. "You... you..." suddenly his body could take no more and his legs collapsed under him, making him fall on his knees. Suddenly he was not Paul Exposito, successful IT professional, but Paul Jenkins, self-conscious teen and former bullied child. Years of repressed tears outpoured from his eyes in an incontrolable flood.

Martha looked at him in anguish. Not even the day he left she had felt such pain. She was witnessing what their actions had done to her son. Emily was almost catatonic, too. Martha knew that, if she wanted to save her family, she couldn't afford to fall into despair. Her children needed her now, and she had to be strong enough for them.

So she waited in silence, hoping that those tears would wash away all the poison in Paul's soul. Only then they would be able to listen and, perhaps, heal.