All Comments on 'Twins Across the Road Ch. 01'
by rnebular
- 15 Comments
Just read a hardback where a character threw a knife away and a few pages later still had it. This is nothing compared to that but you describe the B+B lodge and its surroundings as if the character was seeing them for the first time despite the earlier "there's a great B+B that I know of" + details of its lodges. Minor point of course.
Anonymous that is a good and fair point. Thank you for the feedback. Consider this:
John has been there before, but had gone to one of the smaller (2 person) cabins, last time he came. He had never been to the larger Lodge (4 person) cabin, so it is kinda new to him. His describing the grounds could have been a bit more familiar though, so fair point. Thanks for reading!
Side note: I submitted part two yesterday, so it being a Friday, the Lit gods will likely have it approved by Monday. I will be submitting part three on Monday.
Give John's description. Is there a bit of chest hair for the girls to stroke, taste, play with? Big cock, and pubes to match?
Well done, great read! Everyman's dream - but the comma's... who put all those comma's in there? Some needed to be there, but most were 'extra' and not needed.
Good start to what looks to be a good story. Just one little issue, I noticed that you mixed up the sisters. Unless I'm mistaken Teri has the blue eyes and Kate the brown and when they walked out of the room before eating you mentioned that the blue eyed sister was wearing the pants and loose shirt and after they got back somehow she magically needed help getting her dress off. Keep up the good work.
Ok to be fair, this is the internet so anonymity is my blanket. I will say though, that most of my stories have at least some realism in them, that I have either lived or visited the places that I write about (read between those lines if you like). I feel there is value in making the story grounded in some reality, and usually the easiest way to do that is to use places that actually exist. The people, well realism is harder on that front, when they are all made up. Anyhow thanks for reading!
Use caution when writing about weapons. Remington Co. and rifles were not yet around for Lewis and Clark. Remington came much later. You could have said a Flint Lock Rifle, which was the weapon of that era. Like the story so far. Twins are always hot!
Somebody's always gotta complain about something!
I know though, details can make or break a story.
But not this one. Not really.
This is, I believe, the third time reading this story, and I'm as satisfied as the first time.
Voted 5 Stars the first time around, and that hasn't changed.
I dont think any female would "change" a gay mans preferences. It is not something you make a choice about.
Also what are arb thingies And wank winches? Are the names or types important to the story? Couldnt you just say he had upgraded his 4WD Or whatever?
Lost me here.
I have just found your stories. The other one was superb and this one is equal to it. Now on to chapter 2 of this adventure.
...in a 7 part series -- all of which I enjoyed.
To read it in order:
1). Follow the author's order,
which is laid out in a list in the preface to the last part, Twins - Graduation.
or, alternately,
2). Read in order of dates
everything starting with "Twins"
on rnebular Submissions page.
Each part is 5 stars.
Paul in Oklahoma
Thank you for the comment. I have added a timeline list to my profile, because it was a good idea. Thanks!
The twins are 5'7" and barely 100lbs soaking wet?... sounds like 2 anorexic girls with serious mental health problems... hardly sexually enticing.