V.R.

Captain Jerome Rogers sat in the pilot seat of the shuttlecraft. He put up with the teasing and resigned himself to letting people call him "Buck," in remembrance of the old T.V. show. The big difference between him and the show was the fact that his piloting the craft was real. The show had all those things that it had to have to work. Things like "Artificial gravity," so that they wouldn't have to come up with a way to try to make things float in every episode. In real life, space was still a place where things were weightless. There weren't all those space battles, either. No lasers shooting out of unknown areas or "Photon torpedoes." Such things would have been useless, anyway. Just firing something of that sort would have an effect on the spacecraft firing it as well as the target, if the target could even be hit.

He was startled out of his reverie by the sound of Lieutenant Colonel Michelle Bolt locking her helmet in place over her head behind him and continued with his check list. "Are we ready, Captain?" she asked as she settled in to the command chair next to him and locked the seat belts in place.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered as he finished the list and stored away the card.

"The craft is yours."

He hit a button on the panel in front of him and heard the familiar beep as the radio signaled it was broadcasting. "ISS, this Odyssey, over."

"Odyssey, this is ISS, go, over," the reply came back.

"This is Odyssey, ready to depart, over."

"Roger, Odyssey. Release docking clamps." Jerome pushed another button on the panel

"Ooh," came a voice beside him. "You know just the right buttons to push."

"Clamps released," he said into the radio mic.

"Maneuvering thrusters to the rear, Odyssey."

"Time to pull her trigger, Buck," the commander purred sexily. Jerome pulled back on the trigger that actuated the maneuvering thrusters and watched as a stream of what looked like steam exited the nose of the shuttle, pushing it away from the space station. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, causing the craft to float away from the station and clear of its structure. "Oh, look," Michelle said. "You made her squirt."

He turned towards her with a smile on his face. "You are so bad," he said.

"Odyssey, this is ISS. You are clear and free to travel. Contact Mission Control on channel three for ohms burn."

"Roger, ISS. Odyssey out." He switched to channel three and turned command of the craft back over to Colonel Bolt. She talked with Mission Control to receive instructions for the ohms burn that would head them back home. Once the burn was complete and they were headed towards the planet, the two astronauts undid their belts and let themselves float into the cabin. There the captain locked his helmet onto the holder on the wall.

Michelle did the same and the two began to peel off the bulky space suits to reveal the more comfortable inner covering they wore under them. "Shall we give them something to wonder about with raised heartbeats?" she asked. "Or should we disconnect the monitoring system and let them wonder what happened?"

"Disconnect," he answered. "Leave them wondering instead of guessing that we have something going on. We don't want to get kicked out of the service for fraternization."

Both commander and pilot peeled open the inner suits they wore and tore the discs that monitored their heart rates from their bodies before beginning to remove their other clothing. They waited for Mission Control to call about the loss of data, but strangely, the radio was silent. Then, they floated towards each other into a longing kiss.

Just as Captain Jerome "Buck" Rogers was about to push himself into Lieutenant Colonel Michelle Bolt joining them into a single entity, alarms started going off. "Attention," said a female voice that Buck recognized as belonging to the communications officer on the ISS. "Shuttle Odyssey arriving. Captain Rogers to the docking bay."

"Damn," he thought to himself as he removed the V.R. helmet. "Just when it was getting interesting." He rose from the chair and made his way down the corridor to the docking bay. As he did, he thought about his situation. He was on the last two days of a six week stay at the International Space Station. It was his first time there, and, in fact, his first time in space. It was also his last.

Four months earlier, after nearly a year of training for the mission, he got the phone call. His sister told him the bad news. What happened was unavoidable, but it was still nearly his downfall for the mission.

Eight years earlier, his wife, Marie, had died giving birth to their only child: a boy that he named Christian. Her parents, never approving of Buck for their daughter, refused to acknowledge their existence. Two years later, they were killed in a plane crash, never having met their grandson.

During his training for this mission, his parents were taking care of his son. Then came the call. They were on their way to pick him up from school when his father had a heart attack and lost control of the vehicle. The resulting crash killed them instantly.

When Jerome went to the head of the operation, he was told that if he left, he would be replaced. He told him to do what he had to do, but he was going home to take care of things. Only the actions of Michelle Bolt, his commander on the mission, and the rest of his team persuaded the man to let him keep the position.

For now, his sister and her husband had his son. But once this mission was over, he would leave NASA and the service to work at the space museum at Cape Canaveral so that he could care for his son himself.

As he got to the docking bay, the last of the arriving crew that was to take the place of the ones now operating the ISS floated into the station. Since his main job was to pilot the shuttle, He had been charged with all kinds of other duties while here that the rest of the crew did not have time for. This included welcoming the new crew to the station and showing them where they could put their belongings. The next day, he, Lieutenant Colonel Michelle Bolt, and the six others on the team, four scientists, the communications specialist, Lieutenant Catherine "Kate" Martin, and science officer, Lieutenant Jack Devlin, would be boarding the shuttle craft and heading back to the big blue marble that filled their windows on a daily basis. Back home, he thought. A more normal life. At least he had made it to space, even if it had only been one trip.

"Welcome to the ISS," he said as he approached the group of seven people. "May I ask which of you is the commander for this mission?"

"That would be me, Captain," said a tall man with a very close cut head. "Colonel Robert Morgan."

"Very well, sir. I will escort you to the command center so that you may talk with Colonel Bolt if you will allow one of our team to watch your bags. I will be returning to show them to the crew quarters as soon as that is done."

"That won't be necessary, Captain. I can find my own way. Why don't you go ahead and get the crew settled in."

"Yes, sir."

Buck got the rest of the crew settled quickly and started on his other duties. After he was done, some three hours later, he began to pack his travel bag for the return trip. There wasn't much, but he had to be sure he didn't forget anything. It wasn't like he could return or have an item sent to him by UPS overnight if something was left behind. He went over the inventory of everything he had as he packed. It was then that he noticed that something was missing. "Damn!" he said to himself. Hoping that no one had been there yet, he rushed back out to the V.R. room, as much as one can rush while floating weightless and having to pull himself along the corridors.

The room was empty and the helmet seemed to be in the same location that he left it, though he couldn't be sure. If the disc in the machine had been found and turned in to Lieutenant Colonel Bolt, his career would end with a bad conduct discharge instead of a simple release from the service. He opened the player and stared into it. As he looked at the inside of the player, then reached in, he let out his breath, which he hadn't realized he was holding, in a loud sigh. Relief shone on his face as he removed the still present disc from the player, and placed it in the jewel case he had left locked in the holding compartment. He floated more easily back to his quarters than when he had been going to the room, relieved that his secret was still safe.

The next morning, Captain Rogers rushed his breakfast. As he ate the paste labeled "scrambled eggs," he felt his excitement rise. "Just a few more hours, and we'll have normal food," he thought. "Real eggs, bacon, steak, chicken, real vegetables, and fruit." Just the thought of it made his mouth water. As he ate, he realized that he was not going to miss space.

Two hours later, Buck sat in the pilot's seat of the shuttle. He had stowed all his gear and began the checklist as he waited for the rest of the team to board. Unlike his V.R. program, he wouldn't have just himself and Colonel Bolt on board. Even if it had been, he wouldn't have been able to do the things he wanted to, and calling her by her first name was out of the question.

He felt the difference in the air pressure as Michelle moved towards her seat next to his own. "Morning, Captain," she offered.

"Morning, Ma'am," he returned. "Well, there it is. My first and last flight into space."

"Mine, too."

"Really? I thought you would be in it for life."

"Did you know that I used to be married?" Buck hadn't. "I was divorced two years ago. I have a seven year old daughter, Samantha. Her father is watching over her right now, but a girl needs her mother, so I'm exiting the service. Besides, I don't want her to have too much to do with the cheap floozy teenybopper that he's married to now. She would have been only thirteen when my daughter was born."

"I had no idea, Colonel. I'm sorry to hear about that."

"No worries. I'm over his cheating and all that. He's still a good father, anyway. Better be since he now has a two year old son and another on the way."

"You mean, he got the girl pregnant while he was married to you?"

"Yep. Anyway, I'll be taking my daughter back from him, though he still gets to see her every other weekend."

"I know the feelings of being a single parent. That's why I am leaving, too. I guess it's just as well I'm getting out now. Their shutting down the shuttle program."

"Yeah. I'll bet Challenger had a lot to do with that."

"No doubt, although they say it didn't. No way losing all those people in one go doesn't have an impact on the program, though."

"'I was watching that day," Michelle said. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Got to feel sorry about those seven people."

"Actually, they're not the ones I feel sorry about," Buck interjected.

"What do mean, Captain? That was one of the worst tragedies in the space program."

"Yes, ma'am, it was. But for those seven, they didn't even feel it. One second they are being pushed into their seats by the g-force, and the next, they didn't exist. No, it's not them I feel sorry for. The ones I feel sorry for are the ones they left behind. The children that will have to finish growing up without a mom or dad that use to be there. The wife or husband that would have cried themselves to sleep for the first few weeks, wishing for just one last kiss, one last hug. Those are the ones I feel sorry for.

"My son, Christian, never got the chance to know his mother. He'll never know what it means to not have her there. He felt that loss some when my parents died, though. His grandmother was a surrogate for his mother. If it hadn't been for my mom, I don't think either of us would have survived after Marie died. I was so devastated, I wasn't able to function properly. Mom came and took over the household for a couple of months. I would spend a lot of time in my room by myself, at first. I would roll over just before going to sleep and sniff the pillow that Marie had used. I could still smell her perfume on it, and that would bring the tears. In the morning, I would wake up and think 'I got to tell Marie about the dream I had.' Then I would remember, and, again, the tears would flow. After six weeks of it, my mom forced me to get back into the land of the living. No, it's not the seven who died that I feel sorry for. It's the ones who loved them and have to try to have a normal life without them that I feel for. Those seven are heroes in everybody's book, including mine. But those left behind are just as much heroes in mine, too. Perhaps more so."

Michelle wiped at her eyes and gave a sniffle. "You are absolutely right, Captain. I never thought of that. That was quite beautifully put."

"Thank you, ma'am. I think."

"Hard to know how to respond to that kind of compliment, but thank you is still probably right. And you're welcome."

"Do you know what you are going to be doing since you're leaving the service?" Buck asked.

"Not yet. I'll have to find something, but it has to allow me time with my daughter. Something will turn up."

"I have an in with the space museum. I could put in a good word for you if you like."

"I'll have to think about that. I'll let you know before we leave quarantine."

"Very well, Colonel."

As their conversation ended, Lt. Martin floated towards them. "All set, Colonel," she announced.

"Very well, Lieutenant. Get yourself buckled in and we'll get ready to go." She turned to her pilot. "Are we ready, Captain?" she asked.

Buck couldn't help but think of the V.R. program he had recorded as she mirrored the words that he had made up for her. "Yes, ma'am," he answered automatically.

"The craft is yours."

Again he was struck with the similarity of her statement, but let it go as he hit the radio button and called the ISS. Once they had responded, he relaxed and began the procedures to take them home.

"Release docking clamps," said the voice over the radio. Buck reached for the panel and pushed a button.

"You know just the right buttons to push," he heard his commander say. He was startled, but said nothing. It couldn't be, he thought.

"Clamps released," he announced into the mic.

"Maneuvering thrusters to the rear," came the answering voice.

"I guess it's time to pull her trigger, Captain."

Buck's eyes went wide. "She can't know," he thought to himself. "She would have already had me up for court-martial." Slowly, he pulled back on the trigger of the thrusters and watched as the stream of steam flowed out from the nose of the craft.

"Oh, look," said Michelle as the ship floated away from the station. "You made her squirt."

Buck looked over at her with an expression that said he realized that he was in trouble and noticed the smirk on her face. She winked before turning away as the radio announced they were free and clear to travel.

Colonel Bolt was once again in command of the craft as they contacted Mission Control for instructions for the ohms burn. Once the burn was complete, she informed them that they were on their way.

"Roger, Odyssey," came the reply. "Flight path is nominal"

"Roger, Control," she countered. "Captain Rogers would like to confirm that his request was completed."

"Stand by," said the voice as Jerome wondered what request she was talking about. A few seconds later, the man was back on. "Roger, Odyssey. Confirm reservations for two at the restaurant Latitude 28 on Friday night after ending of quarantine and hotel accommodations at Sol Risa for two persons, one bed, three nights starting the same Friday night. Sounds like someone's planning to get lucky." Buck looked confused at the statement, wondering who had made reservations like that and how much it was going to cost him to end the bad joke.

"The Captain thanks you, Control."

"Have a nice flight, Odyssey. Control, out."

"I don't know what to say, ma'am," Buck began while removing his helmet putting his other concern on a back burner. "I'm sorry doesn't seem to cover it."

Michelle smiled. "Last mission, Buck," she said as she loosened her straps and took off her own helmet. She floated out of the seat, then turned back towards him. She leaned down just long enough to whisper so that he alone could hear. "Don't say anything," she said. Then she brushed her lips across his cheek and floated towards the rest in the main cabin.

Buck sat in his seat for a few more minutes, smiling to himself. It seemed that things were going to be even better than he first thought. He definitely was not going to miss space.

*****

(Author's note: It is my hope that my feeble attempts to put into words what a person might feel with the loss of a spouse is taken in the manner with which it was intended. Not having gone through such an occurrence myself, it is not easy to imagine the emotions that one would feel. My few fumbling words are not meant to disparage or demean the crew of the challenger, but to recognize them as the heroes they were and also the heroes that they left behind that have to carry on without them. For heroes they all truly are.)

(Note 2. "The Rogers Family Annual Camping Trip is the sequel to this piece. It should be posted soon.)