All Comments on '"Kiss-X-Sis Magic"'

I got very sick of the references to manga! For me, it really spoilt any flow.

A tale of nothing really except .... manga .. manga .. n more bloody manga.

What a pile of shite this is !!! Hugs, manga, laptop, chat ... followed by "no need for sex details"

WTF do you think this site is about, holding friggin hands, oh and as for the shit about "natural sex" thats bollocks, you dont need to be obulating to get pregnant !!

If i were you, fuck off from writing ... it will do us all a favour yea

You seem to have removed several of the comments I read here a day or two ago. That's unsurprising, given that you'd expressed your dislike for them. However, after reading your story, I thought that the content of those comments was quite reasonable---once you got past the way some of them delivered that content. As I recall those vanished comments, you felt the need to try to explain what you had been trying to accomplish---and that's a sure sign of poor writing: Good writing not only accomplishes what its author intended, it makes it clear that it has done so and stands on its own.

You seemed to be upset by the negative criticism, as much as the way it was expressed. Yes, you worked hard to write your story. But no one evaluates a story by how hard its author worked to produce it. It's what you achieve that counts---not how hard you work to achieve it. If you're going to be a successful writer, you have to develop a thick skin---because, no matter what you do there will be readers who don't like it. And, on this site, that often means crude, insulting comments.

Your story is a poor one in general, but especially for this site.

As far as the latter of these two observations is concerned, I think you need to look up the word 'erotica.' Your narrator has, for the most part, simply reported that he's been having sex with his sister and sees no reason to give the physical details. That's not very stimulating---and simply reporting what you did so matter-of-factly isn't very good story-telling.

But there are other reasons why this story isn't very good. You seem to have the mechanics of writing under control, which is unusual for this site. But, for example, you've skimped on dialogue---which is both difficult to write and a central part of a good story.

In leaving out dialogue and having your narrator simply report that he and his sister have been doing it, you've ignored the first principle of good story-telling: Show, don't tell.

There is so much missing. Surely, one or both of these siblings had misgivings (beyond worrying about what the other might think of initial advances) about what they were doing. Why don't their actions and what they have to say reflect that? What about intimate moments just before and just after The Act? Do they have any feelings (other than lust) for each other? What might those feelings be, and how do they show them?

I suggest that you learn to read the critiques you find here more carefully and with the attitude that you will get past the sometimes crude way they express what they have to say. And I also suggest that before you write any more, you read some of the better stories in this category (or whatever category you want to write in). The red "H" on a story is a pretty good indication of a decent story, but the higher the score, in general, the better. To start with, you might try PacoFear's "Words on Skin" or CalHollows' "Looking Glass Rose", to cite a couple of my favorites.

I give this story three stars.

And, by the way, I don't post anonymous comments. You---and other readers of this comment---are free to read any of my stories and say whatever you please about them. I generally remove only comments that are irrelevant or that go out of their way to be offensive. (And if they're funny, I leave them in place anyway.)

Gotta say this was a disappointing one. After the sister said yes too soon, you proceeded to unnecessarily rush to the end and left out everything I come to this site for. Why write a story if you're just going to finish it after starting the second act.