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Click hereThe End.
Epilogue: Seven years later their partnership had been going on but struggling at times. After they installed their National Merit son into a college dorm and were driving home, Doug said to his significant other, "A certain lady and I have a mutual interest in each other but she has made it clear to me that she has no interest in a future relationship because of my present domestic situation. Would you consider moving on? I would offer you a settlement fee so that you wouldn't be in the poor house."
Panic exploded in her head again, but she responded with a lie, "That works out because Harrison Deerfield - remember that name? - still looks at me like a hungry puppy on his monthly sales calls to the CM, and I am sure he wants me as much now as he did 6 years ago. The CM says that he is now the single proprietor of his Manufacturers Rep agency. I will move by the end of the month, Doug. I'll never stop thanking and loving and admiring you, but I know now that our relationship can not completely recover. Much happiness to you and whoever you couple with in the future."
After Jeannette moved out she looked up her once upon a time, best friend, Bill Walker. She found him at an VA assisted living facility in a roll around lounge chair after having suffered a stroke. She sat beside him and they chatted about life since she had seen him. She concluded, "I just moved my son into a college dorm and moved out of my house at my ex-husband's request and I plan to re-attract the the man I was riding in that Hartford hotel room when Doug came in and caught us in the act - if you can recall that incident."
Obviously no longer impressed with her he still held her hand and said, "I am sure you will find some happiness with whomever you pair up with in the future. Thanks for being my friend. I really appreciate your looking me up and coming by."
Jeannette walked to her car quite certain that she didn't have a friend in the world! But she also knew that she could give herself a cosmetic makeover and she could easily find a gentleman to help her survive for the next short period of time.
- COMMENTS
Hahahahhaha. Good one. Move this story to the Humor & Satire section. 1 star if I could.
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A real bad story. A husband allowing an adultress in his house and life having only a technical divorce and even sleeping with her only a few days after he took pictures. Almost as bad as accepting sloppy seconds. And she readied herself for the same. All this for giving a perfect normal sham of life to the son! The whole story is sham.
Was this written in Hindi by ChatGPT then badly translated in to English?
It would be a crap story regardless, but the poor language was grating.
Why write this?
Miserable characters. Shallow storyline.
The dialog was like a story written by Tommy Wiseau.
7 men in 12yrs of marriage, what a cheating skank of a wife!! Old bitch Billy was her sounding board because he too was using her, not sexually.
I agree with most of the commentators, this story is a humongous load of crap.
He should have fully got rid of her all those years ago. She is one selfish person and only thinks of herself. It would be interesting if she could live with Harrison Deerfield rather than just bang him. I feel they may be not compatible to live with each other.
I found this story better than the comments would indicate and wonder if a few of the commenters missed what a sad, lonely life was the ex-wife's present and future.
Damn.... that's depressing enough to be a Lifetime Movie Extravaganza!
I see now why you don’t allow scoring. This story obviously would have had a score so low I would have never even looked at it after I had seen the score from other readers. I wish I could get back the time I wasted reading it.
One of an increasing amount. A waste of time to read
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This was too cold for comfort. Agree not one of your best. But better than most.
I have read and enjoyed many of your stories, but this just didn't cut it. Divorcing when you simply grow apart, or for some other reason than a major issue like adultery is extremely rough. What she did was effectively stab him, her son, and her marriage in the back. The family would have been told and she would have become a pariah. Her son's school friends were already referring to her as a whore. The ending really should be redone. It doesn't have to be a BTB, but she should have severe regret and remorse everyday for the rest of her life.
This one is too odd to even have a breath of believability. Who stays together under those bizarre circumstances. She goes right to being a whore and he moves on after 7 years. What are they robots?
She needs to pay more a serial adulterous bitch
Harrison actually comes out ahead no!
Old veteran not much of man met a few like that during active service. No use for them wouldn't trust them to have my back
but your writing is atrocious! I would think with as many stories as you have written you'd at least know that a new paragraph is formed when someone else talks. Fuck, that's the first fucking rule of writing! On top of that there are sentences that make no sense.
Your stories are fine but I wish you would learn to write better than a third grader.
Well written. Plausible, yet the usual outcome. Nobody wins.
Is very formal, as others have noted. Here's little hint. After you've written a passage of dialogue, read it out loud, perhaps record it on your 'phone and play it back. Now re-write it 'till it sounds natural and reflects the character you are portraying. Keep doing this until you are happy that it's the CHARACTER speaking and not the writer.
5* for encouragement.
Do people really talk the way these two do? Do people act the way these people do? I would say no to both questions. Ruined the story.
It just wasn't a good story. It felt surreal reading it, but not in a good way. More like, just smoked some datura surreal. One thing that might easily improve perception is to use proper writing convention when it comes to dialogue. That's simple to fix by asking a grammar only editor to help. See, you don't even need to give a shit about it, there are enough people that will do it for you. Besides that, it was slightly amusing.
I think maybe you need to think inside your characters head and come up with some thing less perfect and more realistic. The old guy gives advice like a seasoned stoic philosopher. It's amusing, like the prolonged and painful delirium of datura, but not exactly pleasant. I'll give you a free tip: writing an epilogue without saying so is not hard and shows you think your readers aren't retarded.
The style wouldn't be so unique on a closed ward at your local mental health facility.
A good dose of antipsychotics could get the typist's perception of reality and how people's interpersonal relationships work, a bit closer to planet Earth.
This writer has a unique style in crafting his stories. Characters are always thoroughly fleshed out and interesting. The situations could happen in reality. Here is one thing that is a constant in all of this authors stories. After the affair or cheating is out in the open , the wife is brutally honest. And the husband? The husband chooses intelligence and practical path. I like a good BTB story as much as anyone else, but in the infinite world of LW's fiction, there is room for rational thought. *****
Harrison and Jeannette marry. She continues to cheat. He continues to hit on other men's wives and also cheat.
Doug was a cad, kharma came calling even though he reformed...met a widow remarried.
Their son graduated with honors-fell in love, married, but after wedding reception, cut off contact with parents.
Ol Bill found Viagra stash in janitor's closet and has been impaling all the single lower income cuties working at rest home. First time with every girl is the same....pop two pills...thirty minutes later ask for assistance to bathroom...claim dizziness so he holds onto them...begs them to haul it out and aim for him....surprise 8 plus very girthy unbendable muscles shocks...then amuses....then arouses...then makes them forget bad boy boyfriend...within two years little mamas bringing infants to visit ''Poppa Bill''...55 year old divorced nurse walks in on Bill and first time honey...tells girl to run along allowing Bill to get her off twice though....her full red bush, round soft slightly sagging breasts remind the old man of his wife...after centimeter by centimeter of the cannon spreads open abandoned tunnel...both Bill and Cinda are in love. She moves him into her home...five years later during a robust ramming bed breaks, shock shocks Bill's heart...headboard smacks Cinda's temple...her convulsions echo in vagina as old man writhes in death thrall...just seconds after his demise her last contractions milk his final still copious ejaculate from iron erection.
Why cry about her cheating? He fuck married women when he was single. Laugh at the other husbands but can"t handle it when it happen to him.
You need to take a few on-line writing course before attempting another story! I couldn't even read this.
You need an editor. Too many mistakes made this a cold and unemotional tale. She was a particularly unlikable character. He wasn't much better.
A mish mash of words, sentences and paragraphs. No real story line, let alone a plot to this.
had died in 9/11 your plots suck, no real emotions , and you write like a feminist whore...
Instead of going nuclear he came out ahead or as ahead more than most in this situation. He used her fresh guilt to get favorable divorce terms instead of getting screw d by the system. He downgraded her from wife to fuck buddy, and even had her pay rent. He had live in pussy that was paying, looking after his son, and he was legally free of her. After the kid goes to college he dumps her and starts up with another women. Ahhh, he won!
A retired USMC Gunnery Sergeant:
Talking about a man he barely knows and he insults him as a redneck for no apparent reason.
A male model and an engineer? Hardly an uncultured uneducated bumpkin.
Is supportive of a multiple cheater?
The USMC motto translates from Latin as 'Always Faithful', a Gunnery Sergeant is the Marine's Marine, hard to imagine anyone less sympathetic to unfaithful people.
Doing a 'show-and-tell' about his medals and how he got them?
Clearly not only a non-native English speaker/writer but also ignorant about even the basics of the US.
I thought Jeannette and Doud would get back together as Marcus grew up. My BAD!
It is very unfair to knock the author for "bullet statements", grammar, etc
With English being obviously at least second language, those types of sentences, (short, choppy, etc) are about the only way one can write and still be understood.
English is probably the 3rd (or so) most difficult language. I think he has done remarkably well considering this.
That being said, the story itself was just plain awful.
- An unbelievable pile of crap! After hubby catches her in the hotel room,after years of suspicions,there's no fucking way he's stupid enough to have her living in the house and "pretending" for the sake of Marcus. All he had to do was tell Marcus to look up "whore" in the dictionary. Marcus would know his cousin was right and that his mother was a twat. Damn the cunt!
The author sort of tried without success to end this story, but he left this reader hanging at the end wondering what ultimately happened.
but let his son grow up first
whores are whores and will always be whores
whenever tossed in the air they always land on their feets (backs), TK U MLJ LV NV
You need to finish your story with a very happy or sad ending maybe both and or a weird combination. LOL
bill.....5 for trying
What shitty story...R u an 8 Years old female writer..planning to cheat on your husband when u grow up...n think he will b OK...u would probably get burn..big time.
A crappy story. That whore need to b taught a lesson..the worst way..
N her BF have his balls smash...
N electricute the writer ... for a shiity story..
Navaho, or Bantu, or Hindi? It certainly isn't English!
What a load of crap, pity there are no minus rating scores, minus 5*
Ok, so the cheating slut got off with a slap on the wrist. Somehow that just doesn't sit right with me. I have a major problem with the husband wanting to have physical contact with her, if only because of the dangers of STD'S. Her lover got off without even the slap on the wrist by the way. I can understand why the husband would want to have some sort of a normal appearing relationship for the son's sake, but remember, her status as a cheating slut was already known by other family members and most assuredly by her coworkers. I simply cannot believe that wouldn't pose serious problems with her job and her relationship with her son. This is a well written fairytale in other words. Just too many things that don't add up for the story as written to have much connection to real life. I do understand that it's just a story, but even as just a story it has too many holes for me personally to connect with it.
she doesn't realize she has a mental problem and fucking is a just a sign of the sickness like Bill recognized
I badly wanted to give this robotic story the 1 star it so richly deserves.
There are many cheated spouses, men mostly that are waiting to drop their child off at college and move on with their lives. Cheated does not always mean adultery. It can mean a host of other betrayals. Marriage is tough, but it is even tougher when you are married to a person that uses the threat of a potential of devastating divorce to control their partner. How many wives are holding their children as hostages to get what they want?
This is the worst, most wooden, stilted dialog I have ever read:
"If I were you, I would first count my blessings. I, like most men, would not accept such a thing nonchalantly. I think your biggest mistake is underestimating what a giant he is. No wonder his son thinks of him as superman. I would also make a plan. At the very best the only relationship he will have with you in the future is respecting you as the mother and maybe use you as an occasional fuck toy when he's very horny and his prospects of finding someone else at the moment are slim. The love you consciously feel for Doug - now that the final bell has rang - is unrequited forever. You will find other loves in the future and some days even convince yourself almost that its the real thing, but the thrill of youth and the hormone flow that goes with being madly in love then is gone for you. About the divorce, he will probably ask for primary custody of Marcus and to keep the house, which means that you will need to pay child support from your meager earnings. Moreover, since your discretionary income will be reduced you will be pronged to accept dates to eat fine food that you shouldn't be accepting, and that typically causes ladies in similar circumstances as you to degenerate into a first date fuck, with a here today and gone tomorrow, partner. And month by month Jeanette thinks less and less of herself. There is no magic bullet to reverse your fuck ups, Dear. Sorry."
But, hey, keep trying.
Can only assume English is your second language, even though the grammar and mechanics were decent. The dialogue was stilted and the characters has no real defining characteristics. It almost read like a users manual or technical schematic. Very odd story.
c1992w wrote a terrific outline for a story. I wish it read better. He used dialog, the story had tension, decent punctuation, spelled okay, but it flowed strangely. There were some typos. The whole Bill character could have been better. Maybe a few instances of wifey trying to stop cheating but failing early on would help establish her character more clearer. I would really have love to read about the struggles after the divorce. Overall I would give it a 5 for story and 3 for writing.