All Comments on 'The First Time My Sister Blew Me'
by maniac42
- 21 Comments
You have an intial sentence that prevented me from reading more.
I loved the playful reality to it, I actually believe it ! It certainly doesn't across as well written but a little editing can go a long way.
You are obviously literate and have a great story to tell and that should be enough. Here's a tip. Keep the paragraphs short, shorter than they teach in school. It makes it much easier go read , particularly online , which could explain the comment above .
Anyway, good story and send me your sister 's number ...
Fuck 'em & keep writing, entertaining story. Thanks.
I get so sick of people like mcbtws who bitch and moan about critical comments. That's what this section is for. Two people gave the author some tips that were good for his future endeavors and then others say for the author to ignore the comments. If that's the case, he'll never improve.
Those who say to ignore constructive criticism are illiterate a-holes.
Two of them. In fact. Why do English teachers. Complain about grammar on lit? The story was so very hot. Nearly perfect.
Incredibly hot story, bro. Keep writing more on this series, or more stories like it.
I want a brother!! Or Daddy..or uncle, who'd lemme suck all i want, yummy!
Made me want a sister more like Joe's! I'd settle for a non-sister doing the same thing if she is like Jaqui. I can't add to the tips already given, so write more.
RS
The style of no-style ! The self deprecating bits added a lot of credibility. The part about working a thousand piece puzzle post oral, while baked was outstanding.
Oh love this, so sucking fucking hot. I want lots and lots of this.
Cunt lapping sex maniac Lanc's uk
Wow, I would just love to meet Jacqui. I had my hand on my cock while I read every word, just fantastic. I did get a hand job from my sister, but that was nearly 30 years ago. I reckon I pumped my cum at the same time Joe blew into Jacqui's mouth. Wow man .... So good.
I agree with the people who said the writing is not so hot. But since the story was VERY hot, I didn't mind the mechanical faults at all. Hey, you get what you pay for! Five stars from me.
The only value here is serving as a glaring example of what not to do when writing a story. Pitiful, pathetic, poorly executed as this was I've read worse efforts, but only a few. The erotic promise of this plot line was completely lost in an inept, illiterate, incompetent, and vainglorious failure in all areas.
It's a very good story, but you should write more about how you got her pussy and her ass, and how she became your regular cocksucker.
My sister was 6 years older than me. I told her I had seen and felt her pussy when I
was 7. We were now 36 amd 40. We were drinking and she said that made her hot when I told her that. I was driving to a town 7 hours away. I laughed when she told me and told her to slide over and sit by me. I put my arm around her and played with
her tit. I told her nice tit's now I'm hard. She rubbed it and said it feels big. I told her to look. She unzipped and unbuttoned my pants and pulled it out. She said it's damn sure bigger than my husbands. I didn't have to ask she started sucking. She was a pro. It took 8 hours to make a 5 hour trip with the BJ'S and 2 off road fucks. But I like your story more detailed.
One hot sister who knows what she wants !! Hopefully in the new chapter his horny sister will come to him and offer to bang him hard if she can get more smoking time. Some added details about her body would be great and then she'll want to do him regularly after a hot fuck when no one else is home. Thank you.
do another chapter where she needs something else from you and (while you both are fully naked) she has you stick your dick in her pussy, you keep thrusting into her until you cum, and she makes you not pull out, cumming inside her.
Sisters are the best cock suckers.. They always want to please their older brother. My sister loved to suck me off and still does now and then.