- Non-Erotic Poetry
- addict
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an effervescent hiss
echoes
it's the sip
a bitter burn
to the tip of the tongue
sweet electric
trembling
at the shock
awaken
and the fizz
fiz
zles away
glass aside
reach for the quick twist
and once again
the emptiness
echoes
- COMMENTS
Your stuff could be addictive. To me the formatting doesn't seem so much playful, but more like the shakes addicts often get.
I think the poem is a -powerful- image from the beginning to the end, but the formatting is a bit of a misfire for me. I realize what you're doing with the arrangement, juxtaposing the fizziness againist the numbness of addiction, it's very clever. However, this poem feels too serious to have such playful line breaks. Maybe this poem is a good candidate for illustrated poetry? I still love it though, enjoy your writing. Thanks.
There's so much taste up on display today, though this one leaves much to the reader's mind.