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addict

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 an effervescent hiss
                echoes
        it's the sip
    a bitter burn
to the tip of the tongue
            sweet electric
    trembling
at the shock

        awaken
    and the fizz
fiz
    zles away
                        glass aside
reach for the quick twist
    and once again
        the emptiness
                                        echoes

 

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3 Comments
Bill DadaBill Dadaover 16 years ago
^

Your stuff could be addictive. To me the formatting doesn't seem so much playful, but more like the shakes addicts often get.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
addict

I think the poem is a -powerful- image from the beginning to the end, but the formatting is a bit of a misfire for me. I realize what you're doing with the arrangement, juxtaposing the fizziness againist the numbness of addiction, it's very clever. However, this poem feels too serious to have such playful line breaks. Maybe this poem is a good candidate for illustrated poetry? I still love it though, enjoy your writing. Thanks.

LeBrozLeBrozover 16 years ago
██

There's so much taste up on display today, though this one leaves much to the reader's mind.



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