All Comments on 'Brother/Sister Enjoy Prom Privilege'
by LovingFather69
- 11 Comments
The 'lol's were unnecessary during actual conversation when characters were speaking to each other on the phone. That's meant for texting.
Good story. You could really feel the connection these two had with each other. I wish there was more about the prom, I felt you kind of rushed over how nobody would notice she was going to prom with her brother.
Kinda wondering how he was licking her pussy when they were submerged in water in the tub.
Also, not too keen on the slut talk... but that's just me..
Ugh.,. You had the mother actually say lol on the phone? And the description of the actual sex was horrible. Virgins calling each other slut and whore. C'mon man
Very good, but mature women need hair on their pussies, please continue with this!
Wow! This story exhibits a complete dichotomy of writing skills! You could almost make a valid argument for it being written by two totally different people. Some of it, maybe 35% or so seems very mature. While the remaining 65% is childish and unbelievable. 🤔
Some of the childish stuff is the use of 'lol' in the dialog, not just once but several times. For example:
"Once again son, I am so proud of the way I brought you up, lol! Just call her!"
People don't use abbreviations when speaking. 😒 Maybe you should have written this as:
"Once again son, I am so proud of the way I brought you up! Just call her," mom said with a chuckle.
Another error that was blatantly obvious was when you were describing Stephanie's dress and called it the color of soft chiffon. Chiffon is a FABRIC, not a COLOR.
Most of the time when I come across a sentence that is garbled because of a typographical error or possibly being rewritten, I can usually parse it out and understand what you intended to write. But there's one on the first page that I absolutely couldn't figure out to save my life. Unfortunately, I can't quote it here because my clipboard has its limitations.
The whole bathtub scene could have been incredibly romantic. But you wrote it to contain a scene where Scott eats Stephanie's pussy. Have you ever actually tried having sex in a bathtub before? Her whole abdomen would have been under the water! You obviously didn't think that whole thing through before writing it. 🙄 Also, you need to revisit basic architecture classes. In the case of a "Jack and Jill" bathroom, no one is ever going to build their house with a "two person" bathtub unless it's installed in the Master Bathroom. That stretches the imagination too far to be believable.
This story concept was really excellent, but it deserves a much better execution than it received. It definitely needs to be cleaned up with a rewrite. 3/5
oh god, I finally came to this story! my pussy liked it very much. As for me, I found a couple problems with it, but liked it none the less.
VirginPussy42069