All Comments on 'Dad's Adventure Ch. 01'
by slnaughtygirl
- 9 Comments
You might want to find a different editor. There was SO much that redwing2655 obviously didn't find. Your story had potential, but too many distractions. Bottom line: not worth the read.
Pathetic writing! For starters, pick a verb tense and be consistent. Then, consider a storyline which is at least vaguely plausible. This one is too adolescent.
-- KK in Texas
This is the script to one of Hustler's first Barely Legal dvd's. The concept, dialogue, characters all match and the movie wasn't any better than this story.
That was a good story about a stepfather, stepdaughter and girlfriend having some good sex. I don't all of these other people were reading but the story did flow nicely. And it did have some good action in it.
GREAT STORY. LOOKING FORWARDS TO THEIR FURTHER ADVENTURES.
IS THIS REALLY FROM A NEW WRITER?
IT READS GREAT!!!
GREAT JOB
A very enjoyable chapter, I look forward to reading future chapters soon.
Excellent story well written, Loved teaching a young virgin about lovemaking so she will always love it be it a man or woman.
Your a great writer keeping your story on track and not jumping around with a lot of usless information.
Keep up the good work.
I gave it a three, basically because the story seriously needs LOTS of editing!! Ugh. Hell, why in the world can't writers reread their own work before posting?!