All Comments on 'Don and Deb Siblings Reunited Find Love'
by MoMiner64Mete
- 9 Comments
Sorry, It was probably a good story, but I couldn't make it past your writing style on the first page.
You gave a description of a life of sister and brother, not a love story that it should have been. Put some feeling into your writing and make feel of love.
How in the hell can you take a perfectly good erotic story and make it sound like reading the goddamn dictionary. Terrible writing.
Ok so I have a question, in the story you said that the father left the mother and kids in the 60s, but the two guys were in boot camp and then got deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. So my question is what year did the main character graduate high school and what year did they go to boot camp, if I read that wrong somebody please help me out.
Military could always find her brother.
Everyone knew they were brother and sister. Her group health would pay each claim.
You did not tell Fran about relationship.
Dry easy for Don to locate sister
did not finish. infodump from the first page bored me to death so i jumped here to review. i think some stories will still work even if there aren't so much backstory (since the day they were born to what they ate at the family dinner at age 8 to the verrryyy slow pace of dumping the entire family's history in the beginning of the story) so many unnecessary info that aren't even useful to the actual story, yall just here to meet your word count instead of writing the actual story, convoluting yalls work just so you can say you posted something
Good story but poorly written. Too much repitition in conversation when brother sister united. The whole Fran Jerry baby naming was fucking overkill.
Agree about the timeline. When the dad leaves, it’s the mid 1960’s and the kids are in college. Shortly after, the son joins the Marines & is soon sent to Iraq & Afghanistan?