All Comments on 'Donnie Dates His Family Pt. 01'
by charlieflemming
- 16 Comments
Not a bad start. I realize this is fiction and fantasy, but a foot long cock? It is your story, but I think you could make this more of a story. Try fleshing out the characters and get the reader interested in the story line. I know there will be sex, but I always like the story more when I get interested in the characters. Of course, it is up to you. Thanks for your time and imagination.
so far - just a typical stroke story as in big dick and big breasts
I look forward to seeing more of this story. Hopefully the sisters and Tanya learn what he can do. Maybe his aunt as well.
Shame we got this instead of the majestic family mansion
On page two in the first paragraph 'Donnie' changed to 'David' and that lasted through the next paragraph then changed back to 'Donnie'.
I really am enjoying your work. But, did you have to give him a 10 inch Johnson!
I really hope this was meant to be as much tongue in cheek as tongue in pussy...
It kinda needs a 'silly' or 'over the top' tag.
And a name fix wouldn't hurt either. Top of page 2 on the site with how I have it formatted...
Starts with - "Donnie, oh, ah, please, um, please, KISS ME!" She moaned and her son astutely listened. He pressed his lips into hers, and a moment later she opened her mouth and David and his mother Roxy started tongue wrestling each other right at the kitchen table.
Goes on thru the next paragraph.
Better than most. Not great. Your obsession with large sex organs, both male and female, really kills the story. Childish.
The story was great. Wonderful fantasy for us size nuts. Let the nay-sayers read Tolstoy! The stories are great. You (or we) could benefit from a copy editor to catch the few grammar goofs.
I gave it 5 stars but one strange fact. Mom had a high sex drive but hadn't had any for so many years. Really a bit hard to swallow
What a nice birthday present for a mother to give to her son!
Good start to an obviously hot story. Can only imagine that the 'family' mentioned in the title includes his aunt and cousin, at least I hope so. Definitely looking forward to reading about it. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.
The story needs much better proof reading. You can't seem to decide if the son's name is Don or David. You also have problems with whether to use male or female pronouns. The story is hot but the size obsession is kind of a turn off for me.