All Comments on 'Mom's New Family Affair Ch. 24'
by htlvgcpl
- 13 Comments
I believe that it would work a lot better with different points of view. Like when Darla and Beth or Darla and Mom or Mom and Beth or whoever. Especially the sex scenes. I just think that would work better rather than relaying the scenes through John. Just my opinion. I know for me, I lose interest in the story in the current format. I would think that most readers would agree.
And I think it would be hot for Betty to join the group sex and the secrets. For both of the mom's best friends to be sexually active with John and Beth, and not just Darla would be very hot and would make their girls night out jaunts more sexually exciting too.
Love the characters. Love your development. Scenes are richly described. In the beginning it was hot because John was decisive and went for it. He promised Beth he would do things and he did it. He got it on video. It was hot and they were all experimenting. They even created the group and set the ground rules. Then you had John no longer try or care about anything because now he had pussy and as long as they were happy he was happy. But the ladies have ALL moved on and have experimented and fulfilled fantasies while John does NO-THING anymore. He doesn't object to anything they say. He doesn't even want to sound like he's complaining. John is merely there to fuck the ladies at THEIR whim. They have him on a schedule. You have literally cut John's balls off the second you let Beth fuck her father and John didn't mention the rule she created and broke. According to Beth's rule and definition, she cheated on the family group. John is no longer the guy in the first chapters of this series. Other men are allowed to fuck his lovers without asking John if it is ok. When they do it's an afterthought. See Steve. Steve did nothing to earn the right to fuck Katie. She simply declared it. That was painful disrespect towards John. And he took it. John's father cheated on Katie and as penance he has to watch a video of Katie, Darla, and John fucking. 80% of men would consider this properly balancing the scales. The teeth gnashing over John's father not getting too egotistical about it seem disingenuous at best. Then John's father has to make a simple video to avoid divorce and getting back into Katie's bed. But then how the fuck does he get rewarded by being allowed to make a video to allow him to fuck Katie's best friend. But then it goes to INSANE because now a lying cheating cocksucker gets the added bonus of making a video and being allowed to fuck his son's fiancé and his future daughter in law. He's getting rewarded for cheating. And what's worse, Beth is excited to fuck the man that cheat on the woman she considers her mom and basically abandoned her future husband. What kind of person is Beth???
"anxious to undress as we headed up the stairs...."
More like headed down the stairs, deep into the dungeon of despair & boredom, terrified of the possibility that there could well be a Chapter 25 of this incredibly stretched out tale !
Cummon old chap, surely a great writer like you can come up with a new story now!
You have a great story going with lots of open questions and possibilities. It doesn't need any new characters to make it confusing. There is also a time to stop before you destroy a great story. It's also been upbeat. Don't add problems and troubles. We all have enough. Keep this horny and happy. Good work. Look forward to adding the dads. Also would make it great if the girls wanted John and the dads to do each other since they were getting it one-sided only being the females.
but do you think you'll ever finish this tale? its a great story - lots of fun, very sexy, love the characters. PLEASE PLEASE finish it!!! thanks
Liked it. Is a good story, plot, theme but is was long and somewhat redundant and boring in some places basically I skimmed over boring sections and really getting into the story . The ending was like hitting a brick wall. So they go up the stairs fuck their brains out and they lived happy ever after. Hum…. What happen to everyone else?
Problem here you started a new segment Beth’s father and left to many loose ends. Not closing on all the characters what happen to them. Think you need to close the story out with a ending for all the main characters.
I’m not a author pro critic just your average guy giving you feedback as I see it. Hope you write another chapter wind things down have a good ending for all.
Good story in the main. A few points which others have pointed out. They have a nice situation where John,Beth,Mom and Darla are in a group sort of relationship. Bringing in others ruined it for me like Beth's Dad and the other things with Darla and Mom 3somes with others which were going to happen. I would have liked to have seen this discussed properly because John was clearly not happy about it but went along to keep everyone happy. In the end they would have ended up with another 3 guys which would have created a bad situation and likely would have broken the group up. In these situations the less people the better.
An amazing story...so much love between these people, so much shared sex. This story has to continue, we need to know what happens between Beth and her dad, what Mom and Steve do, what Darla and Beth's dad deside to do as a group. What John's dad does qhen he seems the video of mom Darla and john...does he except it, does he join the group. Etc etc. I have to say..I didn't expect it to be 24 chapters. But I could stop reading...hell I feel like I know these people personally. Great story can't wait for more! You definitely have a talent for writing !!
This is one of those stories where I'm thankful it wasn't continued, because it would have been a crazy sex orgy that would have made us lose connection with John and Beth, two people who should have been in the spotlight, because too many people would have been involved. I'm not against that kind of freedom, but I think it's better to start a new story from the beginning if the goal is to get there. I don't know, maybe it's about a nudist camp or something, and from the start it was focused on group sex straight away, so the relationship between the characters isn't that deep which makes the appearance of other characters painful because readers will think of them as eyesores.