All Comments on 'White Slaves Resort Ch. 01'
by a_random_user
- 12 Comments
Great start and plot line - looking forward to seeing where it goes.
I really enjoyed the first part of this story and sincerely hope we will see many more chapters. It was especially interesting to know that this "Upscale Resort" is right in the heart of Africa..
Although there was nothing said in the story to make me think this but it just seems as if the already experienced couple is trying to recruit Dana and if they succeed, I'm wondering if there might be a bonus for them once she signs up....
I really enjoy Interracial stories (Bm/Wf only) and it just seems as if I there isn't enough of them, (far too much incest...) but this one, at least so far, has the potential to be very exciting and again, I'm looking forward to many many more chapters..
Despite the screenplay like format this a very well written story that knows how to arouse the reader despite the clinical approach. Somehow it works very well.
Great introduction! If it is only half as good as Karen's stuff, it will be greater than most anything else, I'm waiting in anticipation of more joy, and she gets makes so many black men happy. And they give her powerful injections of african sperm.
Why the heck is this written like a screenplay/script?!
For me this is completely unreadable unfortunately.
I like the concept. Very different from what is normally used to get the wife to have sex with other men. The screenplay script like presentation doesn't bother me at all.
Transcript Format
The format is interesting. It's more like a transcript than a narrative. It is different. It is like the shooting script style that used in some popular market novels like Roddy Doyle's THE COMMITMENTS. The format gives the writer the opportunity to tell the story from a number of different perspectives at once.
Naturally as the couple is selling themselves to be degraded, why isn't the husband kept chaste?
Volunteering for slavery
In the world we find today, the type of places described are not unknown, though the rich and famous do not seem to be so generous as described in the resort described in White Slaves. A well told story.
It reads like a bad attempt of phone sex. Litterally.
It COULD be a very good story... if you write it like a STORY, and not like a bunch of text messages. (Read a book, just once, and you see what I mean. The whole names to say who said was is just bad writing. Lazy writing too.)
Keep working on it tho. The idea is brilliant.