- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Giselle
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Click hereAs dawn draws a thread of blue
across the sky,
Giselle after another
sleepless night,
remembers Courvoisier kisses
when Paris in gay abandon
played the song of lovers, before
the thunder clouds closed in.
- COMMENTS
You can completely ignore this but in the first line 'draw' scratches in my ear. I think of a line scratched in the sky and being Paris, I think dawn would 'paint' a line in the sky. It's so much more a sensual way of mark making than to draw.
Nice poem though.
I intially thought of the classical tale of Giselle (my mother tortured me with classical ballet music etc) but was much happier to discover it was about Paris and I am presume the 1890s, Toulouse Lautrec etc. I agree about the errant comma but it doesn't suffer too much for the lack. Five and a recommend.
corvoisier kisses, and readily accept 'gay abandon' linked so intimately with Paris in this reminiscence. the thunderclouds of war, the noise/worry keeping her awake all nigh, don't entirely blot the memories inspired by the blue thread of dawn.
i have a problem with no comma after 'Giselle', L3. makes the first lines read oddly. if you cared to, and i know not many people do, you could opt for now punctuation by small adaptations to your linebreaks. :)
gay paris - like your conjuring here, annie :flower: