- Non-Erotic Poetry
- She Wants to be Amy Winehouse.
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Click hereShe’s a congealed mass of teased up hair and brief denim shorts
Eating a donut as she walks, one finger full at a time
Dipping into the icing, sticking her finger into her mouth
Lingering just a moment too long
With that finger between her lips, slipping it back and forth
All the while looking up from with those kohl framed eyes
With all these wiles, all the while; she is aware.
- COMMENTS
I agree
Again can I make a suggestion for the last two lines? Cut the "from" after "up" and cut "she is".
All the while looking up with those kohl framed eyes
With all these wiles, all the while, aware.
Nothing should get in the way of those el and wher sounds. Sorry, maybe just me.
Don't burn out Vee, I'm enjoying the small group of you a lot; all you need is more of KillerMuffin
to what the guys have said except that I think that this is one of your best. x
After reading this, PoetGuy found himself squirming in his chair. He suspects the donut fetishism, denim shorts, or, particularly, the kohl-framed eyes. There are one or two places where PoetGuy thinks a hyphen should join words (e.g., "teased-up", "kohl-framed"), though that is mere pedantry on his part. The licking the frosting image while walking along in short shorts is wonderfully erotic in a way that most erotic poems here can never understand. Well done.
God, I think I'm in love, this has everything I love in it
Girls with kohl framed eyes in brief denim shorts
and donuts
it's like porn to me, so right now I can't concentrate
in homer simpson voice
...donuts
you got 100, and those 0's remind me...
oh yeah
"With all these wiles, all the while; she is aware."
great sound and did you notice, I'm sure you did, how the lips are formed with the "W"
doh