A Funny Thing Happened...

This one is fiction inspired by a true event....the day a celebrity was in line ahead of me at the grocery store. The studio is just down the street, and she was buying some fresh lunch from the deli section.

It wasn't Rachel Nichols, and I just watched as she walked away, but for the purposes of this story.....well it's fantasy, after all, isn't it?

I hope you enjoy it.

And, if Rachel herself should happen to read it.... I hope you'll get in touch! ;-)

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It was a beautiful, near summer day in the lower mainland, with the normal complement of bright sunshine, pleasant temperatures, light breezes and chirping birds. There were plenty of people around, enjoying the sun.

I loved the summers here. The winters could drive you into depression, with weeks of incessant rain, followed by still more of the same....but the summers were perfect. Warm, but not humid, and that warmth led to my favourite thing about summer here.

You see, there was no shortage of outdoor activities for people to use as exercise, and keep themselves in shape. I say 'people', but I'm a guy, so really, I only noticed the women. Lots of women. Lots of firm, toned women, in shorts and thin, scanty tops. Personally, I thought it was still a little cool for the summer attire, but I was happy to check them out.

Still, there was something different about this one. Well dressed, wearing a long jacket that hid her curves, but she drew my gaze anyway, even from behind.

I was in my car, rolling slowly along through the parking lot of the plaza, and she was on the sidewalk. Relax....I'm not a stalker, but I learned long ago not to assume anything when it comes to pedestrians.

I once had a skateboarder try to do one of those 'board flip grind' tricks, right in front of me, as I entered a parking lot. Something told me to watch out, that he wasn't paying attention, and when he proved his skills didn't match his ambition by sprawling on the pavement in front of me, I was able to stop.

Ever since then, I had been extra careful. I just thought of it as being courteous, and safe.

I never thought it would pay dividends, and change my life.

The woman on the sidewalk had her head down, looking at her phone. Long brown hair hung down her back, and that's part of what had me watching her.

Two people walking side by side toward her forced her to the left to go around them. Why do people do that? So self absorbed that they become obnoxious, like they own the sidewalk. As the brunette stepped left, they bumped her as well. The rest almost happened in slow motion.

She was tall, but still wearing boots with a moderate heel, and the bump made her catch her foot. She tried to regain her balance, but was too close to the edge of the sidewalk. Her heel slipped off, and her left ankle buckled, pitching her onto the asphalt, right in front of my bumper. She landed hard, crashing onto her left side, while I screeched to a halt.

I put my flashers on, and jumped out of my car, racing forward to check on her. Surprisingly, I was the only one. The two people who had caused her fall kept walking, oblivious to the world, and while a few others had gathered on the sidewalk and were asking if she was alright, no one else was really helping. As I reached her, I heard the crunch of a car running over her phone, which the fall had sent spinning into the next lane.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. She still had her back to me, laying on her side.

"Um, no, not really," she replied. She turned her head, and looked at me appreciatively. There was something familiar about her eyes, but right now, I had other things to deal with.

"Stay down," I said, kneeling beside her. "Did you hit your head?"

"No, I don't think so," she moaned, trying to sit up. "Just everything else."

"Take it easy," I said softly, helping her sit. I braced behind her, "Here....lean back against me and catch your breath."

"Thank you for not running me over," she giggled. "Do you see my phone?" she added, looking around.

"Yeah, I do," I replied. "Sorry to say it wasn't so lucky. I think it's fatally wounded." I pointed to the shattered pile of glass, plastic and metal in the middle of the other lane.

"Oh shit! I really liked that phone," she grumbled.

"Well, at least it wasn't anything more important. What hurts?" I asked.

"Left hand, elbow, shoulder, hip, knee and ankle," she said, brushing the scuffed skin of her palm. "And my pride. Help me up, please?"

"Okay," I smiled, and took her right hand. I put my arm around her waist, and gave her something to push against. "Don't put too much weight on the ankle. I saw the way it twisted when you fell."

Using three of our available four legs, we managed to get her standing, and I propped her up beside my car. She tried to stand on the left ankle, but the pain marred her beautiful face....a face I now recognized, along with the pretty blue eyes.

"I think we should take you to get that ankle looked at," I suggested. She nodded, and smiled.

"Thank you for helping me. I feel like an idiot, falling like that."

"Well, you shouldn't," I smiled back, as I helped her into the passenger seat of my car. "I saw what happened. It wasn't your fault."

"Thank you anyway," she giggled. "Can I ask one more favour?" Pick up what's left of my phone? Maybe the sim card and data card are okay."

I nodded, and went to retrieve the crushed device, joining her in the car a moment later. As I sat, she extended her hand.

"My name is...." she began.

".... Rachel. Yes, I know," I grinned, completing her sentence. "Rachel Nichols. I recognized you a few minutes ago, but I didn't want to say anything while there were other people around. May as well not be on the front page of the newspaper, right?" I held her hand. It was soft, and warm. She smiled again.

"Thank you for your discretion. You are....?" she asked.

"Oh, right.....Mike Edwards," I blurted, suddenly realizing who was sitting next to me, still holding my hand.

"Well Mike, if you could drive me back to the studio. It's only two blocks, that way," she gestured with her eyes. "And, if I could borrow your phone for one quick call?"

"Of course," I smiled, releasing her hand to dig into my pocket. I handed my phone to her, and started the car. I began to drive slowly away, as she made her call.

"Hi Marcy....it's Rachel," I heard her say. "Yeah, I know... I had to borrow someone's phone. Mine's dead. Car killed it.....I'll explain later. Listen Hon, can you meet us at Medical?... Yes 'us'....I'm afraid I can't walk, and a nice gentleman is giving me a ride back..... Thanks Marcy."

"Thanks Mike," she giggled, handing it back. "My assistant will take me off your hands at the clinic, inside the studio grounds. Turn left here... "

We pulled to a stop at the security shack, and a beefy guy in a uniform stepped out.

"Can I help you?" he rumbled. I pointed to Rachel, and he ducked his head to look past me.

"Hi Bill," she giggled, waving her fingertips at him.

"Miss Nichols?" he answered, confused. "Didn't you just leave? On foot?"

"Yes, but I won't be doing much walking for a while, I fear," she replied. "My friend Mike is helping me home. Can you let us in, and give him a guest pass, please?"

"Of course, Ma'am," he nodded, and went back into his hut.

I was still considering her words.....that I was a 'friend'....when he returned with two items. The first, a parking pass, he placed on my dashboard, after noting my plate number. The second was a lanyard, with a card that read 'Guest' on it.

"Thanks, Bill," Rachel smiled. "We're heading for Medical."

She directed me through the lot, finally stopping beside a concerned looking blonde, who had her hands on a wheelchair.

"What happened?" Marcy asked, opening the car door.

"I tripped," Rachel replied, "and Mike, here, helped me up. Mike, meet Marcy. Marcy, meet Mike," she grimaced, standing to transfer to the chair. Once she was seated, Marcy handed her a phone.

"Oh, that's why I love you, honey," Rachel smiled. "I didn't even ask, and you knew what I wanted!" She handed it to me. "Mike, could you make the transplant, for me?"

Marcy pushed Rachel in the chair, through the big door into the clinic, while I performed phone surgery on the roof of my car. She was right....the sim card seemed fine, as did the data card, and I slipped them into their appropriate slots. There was a dial tone. It's alive!

I pocketed her new phone, dumped the corpse into a garbage can, and wandered in the direction they had gone, following the red cross signs until I found the door. I opened it, and found Marcy waiting.

"Any news yet?" I asked her, and she shook her head.

It was only about five minutes before Rachel hobbled out of the exam room, wearing a walking boot. She looked down at her foot and laughed.

"Not exactly stylish, is it? I'm told it's only sprained, but I'll be out of commission for at least a week. The painkillers are pretty good, though."

The doctor followed her out.

"It's not 'only' sprained," he smiled, "it is very sprained, hence the boot. Other than that, just a few bruises, and a scraped hand. It could have been a lot worse. I'll let the producers know you're on the bench for a while. The show will have to go around you for a week or so."

Rachel took a seat in the wheelchair, and Marcy pushed her along while I followed. We stopped as we got near my car.

"Mike, can I have your phone for a second?" Rachel asked. I handed it over, and she punched a few buttons. My other pocket began to ring, and I fished her phone out, to answer it.

"There. Now you have my number, and I have yours," she smiled, handing mine back and taking her own. "I'm going to be sleeping a lot tonight, but I'd like to take you to dinner tomorrow, if that's alright? It's the least I can do after you didn't kill me, and helped me back here. I'll call you, okay?"

Okay? Are you kidding me? Rachel Nichols wants to take me to dinner? Yeah, I can pencil that into my schedule.

"Certainly," I smiled. "Call me anytime."

She waved, as I drove away, wending my way out to the gate, where Bill gave me a nod, and watched me leave.

I went home, to watch the saved episodes of Continuum on my PVR, and count my lucky stars.

***

How is my hero today? my phone asked, just before noon the next day. A text from Rachel Nichols! My friends would never believe me anyway, so I didn't even bother telling the story.

I'm fine. How's your ankle? I typed. The response was quick.

Sore. Painkillers helping. Dinner tonight?

Only if you're up to it. You really don't owe me anything. I was just doing what anyone would have done. I replied. Again, the response was immediate.

I was there, remember? I don't recall anyone else lifting a finger to help, and that's before you recognized me. It's very gallant of you to decline, but I'd really like to say thank you properly. I'll be in touch, later.

I guess I have a date tonight, I thought. I'd better make sure I look good.

***

Later that afternoon, having spent an hour ironing my clothes to within an inch of their lives, I decided to take a nap. I wasn't really tired, but I needed to kill some time, and the tension was killing me.

My dreams were predictable. A certain brunette was featured strongly throughout. Can't possibly understand why.

My phone woke me up, just as I was about to kiss her in my dream. The display said Rachel. It's like she was somehow protecting herself from me, even in my subconscious. I picked it up.

"Hello, Ms. Nichols," I answered, trying not to sound like I had been asleep.

"Well, aren't we proper?" she laughed.

"I don't want to be presumptive," I replied sheepishly.

"Uh huh....well, I presume you are going to be eating dinner tonight. Will you join me? No dancing, for reasons you well know, but I could use the company, and I owe you a meal, at least. And, please call me Rachel?"

"Okay....Rachel....Am I coming to you, or vice versa?" I asked.

"Well, you know where I am, so why don't you pick me up here," she said softly.

"You mean at the studio?" I asked.

"Yes. They have a few condos that form one of the boundaries, and I'm in number 4. You didn't think I was staying in a trailer, did you?" she giggled. I just loved her laugh.

"Um, no. I just didn't know about the on site accommodation," I replied.

"Okay. Pick me up at seven. I'll make sure the gate knows you're coming, and to direct you to my door. You still have your passes, right?" Her voice was confident and comforting at the same time. Also sexy as hell. My dick began to react predictably.

"Yup, still in the car," I answered.

"Good. See you at seven," she chirped. You could hear her smile, and the line clicked off.

Seven o'clock. I had almost three hours to get ready.

I decided to start by dealing with the uncomfortable swelling in my crotch, and headed toward the bathroom.

***

Twice. I had to jerk off twice, and still I made it on time, arriving at the studio gate just before seven.

Bill, the gate keeper from before, wasn't on tonight. This guy looked a little older, but no less official. I stopped beside the gate house, and he stepped out to greet me.

"I'll just bet you're Mike," he smiled, tapping my windshield over the parking pass. "Miss Nichols told me you were coming. She said a nice young man in a silver Dodge would be here at seven."

The look on his face was one of envy and surprise, as he gave me the directions to the condos. I picked my way through the lot, and came to the accommodation block with no trouble at all.

Unit 4 was on the lower level, which was fortunate, given Rachel's restricted mobility. I rang the bell, and moments later, the door opened.

Whoa! That's Rachel Nichols. She really is here, waiting for....me!

That smile, those eyes....she was breathtaking. Now that I wasn't otherwise occupied in trying to help her up, or save her life, I noticed how tall she was, even in the low heels she was wearing. Her legs were endless. The dress she was wearing was a cream colour, with a sort of scoop neckline, and layered across her body in precise folds. It at once both hid and hinted at the wonders underneath

"I'll take that as a compliment," she giggled, stepping out as elegantly as possible in one shoe and one boot. She closed the door behind her, and took my arm.

"I, uh, I don't think I said anything," I stammered.

"No," she smiled, "but that look speaks volumes. Thank you. So....how hungry are you?"

We had reached the car, and I helped her in, then ran around to my side. Sliding behind the wheel, I answered her question.

"Well, I don't know...." I began.

"Oh, stop being so proper, and just pretend I'm any other woman," she fixed me with those eyes. "Are. You. Hungry?"

"Starving," I nodded, relaxing slightly.

"Good. So am I. Do you trust me?" she asked, a little smile fighting with her perfect eyes for top billing.

"I would say yes," I nodded again.

"Thank you. How do you feel about Italian?"

"Um.....Delizioso?" I laughed.

"Si!" she giggled. "Out the gate, then turn right. I know a place with great pizza!"

Pizza? My big date with a movie star....and she wants pizza? I was braced for a big, fancy restaurant, with people watching us. Pizza?

I drove until she told me to turn, then drove some more. Finally we passed this little, family run, hole in the wall joint, and I parked us half a block away.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drop you closer?" I asked her.

"I'm not broken," she smiled. "Besides, it's a lovely evening. I hope we can get a table on the upper deck, so we can watch the sun set."

Holy shit! On second thought, pizza sounds great! I'll trade the fancy restaurant and paparazzi for a quiet sunset dinner with a gorgeous woman, anytime.

Rachel took my arm again, and we walked slowly from the car to the restaurant. A guy who looked like he could be the owner greeted us, and escorted us in.

"Upstairs?" she asked quietly.

"Certo, signora," he nodded, leading the way. The staircase was narrow, and a little steep. I followed Rachel, getting a better view of those legs as she went. As we reached the top, she turned her head, and gave me a little grin.

"Ah, this is perfect," she smiled, as we reached our table, one of four on the small deck. The others were empty. Sun streamed through the trees that separated us from the beach, a block away.

Luigi, or whatever his name was, left us with menus, and a few minutes alone.

"I always try to come here when I'm in town," she explained. "It's so beautiful, and peaceful. Great pizza, too."

Right now, they could serve me frozen pizza, half cooked, and I wouldn't care. I was in a very romantic setting, with a very beautiful woman. Food was getting pushed down the priority list. Still, it made for a good conversation starter.

"What do you usually get?" I asked.

"Hmmm," she pursed her lips in thought. I had some other thoughts about her lips. "Well, the hand tossed crust is divine. Pepperoni, of course. Mushrooms, black olives, ground beef, sausage, green peppers, extra cheese...."

"Jeez, no kitchen sink?" I joked.

"No. Too fattening," she laughed. "Bacon, though. Must have bacon."

As if on cue, Luigi reappeared. Rachel repeated the list of toppings, we ordered drinks, and off he went.

There was a lull in conversation. I couldn't immediately think of anything I thought she'd like to talk about. Everything that crossed my mind was dismissed quickly. Her ankle, the weather? Lame. How, about TV? No, I don't suppose she watches much TV. Although.....she's on TV, isn't she?

"I just loved you on 'Continuum', I began. "Great series. I'm going to miss it. The way it ended was heart rending." She sat quietly, and nodded.

"Thank you. I'm going to miss it, too. Kiera was a fun character, much deeper than it initially seemed. I'm glad you enjoyed it," she smiled. Her eyes sparkled. "Listen....I talk about me all the time. It's part of my job. Tonight, I'd like to just be Rachel, if that's okay." Her hand touched mine. It was soft, and warm, and electric. "Tell me about you. What do you do when you're not rescuing clumsy women?"

I laughed, she laughed, and I suddenly felt much more at ease. If she wanted to 'just be Rachel', that was fine. She was still the most beautiful and captivating dinner partner I'd ever had. I had no illusions about this being anything more than just a meal together. Fantasies? Yes. I'd always have those.

We talked. She pretended to be interested in my job, which was anything but interesting. Boring even....as just another office worker. When we got to hobbies, and other interests, we really seemed to click. I love nature, and the outdoors, and she just lit up when I told her that.

"That's one of the things I love about being here," she smiled. "It's just so perfect. The sea, the sky, the mountains....I could go on forever. I would suggest we go for a hike sometime, but I'm obviously not to be trusted on my own two feet," she laughed, gesturing to the stylish, grey plastic boot on her left foot.

We were laughing like two longtime friends when dinner arrived at our table. The pizza was the size of a manhole cover.

"Holy shit, Rachel! There's enough here to feed an army," I chuckled.

"Or one hungry girl from Maine," she smiled, dragging a huge slice onto her plate. "I'll try to leave you some."

She was right about the pizza. This place just went to the top of my list, even without Rachel's company. It was very good....so good that the pizza just went down so easily. On her third slice, she licked her lips, and smiled at me.