Another Chance

Debbie asked who called and I told her, "Your wonderful angel of a sister who would never lie to you."

"What did she want?"

"I recorded her message and she said to call her back. Well, I'll see you in court Thursday. I guess we can call it freedom day. Don't forget to listen to the message," I said as I went to my truck.

After about five minutes, my cell phone began to ring over and over again. She must have called me ten times before I got home. When I got home my phone was ringing. I finally picked it up.

"Ray, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I just talked to Sandy and she told me the truth about not being raped."

"Well, that's good to hear, but it doesn't change anything in my mind. You fucked Bob and didn't even give me a chance to explain. After I told you the truth, you still picked your sister's story thinking I was a rapist. I have one thing to say to you: I loved you and probably always will, but I also hate you for what you did to our family and the distrust you have had in me."

On Thursday, I took the next two days off work. I went to my lawyer's office and signed my name to the dissolution. I wanted to be gone before Deb came in. I was extremely depressed as I headed over to the neighborhood bar. I was putting the drinks away pretty good when I looked back and saw Bob come in. He didn't notice me as I came up to him from the side and cold cocked him. As he went down, I hit him again and again. I stood up and started kicking him until he was a mass lying there on the floor. I bent down to hit him some more when three guys pulled me off of him.

I remembered saying, "You fucking son-of-a-bitch. I'll fucking kill you for what you did to my family. I hope you die in hell," as I kept kicking him till I was pulled off of him.

The police laid me on the floor and put handcuffs on me and led me to the squad car. This time I was taken to jail. I was allowed one phone call and I called my sister, Amy. I told her what I did and that she was not to post any bail money. It would be too expensive and I was going to serve my sentence. She cried as I hung up the phone.

Debbie came to the jail to see me but I refused to see her. It was almost two months before my case went to court. I was charged with assault and pleaded guilty. I got two years minus time served. I told Amy to take my few belongings and store them in her basement for me. She told me that Debbie was really feeling badly and wanted to see me. I told her I didn't want to see her.

"I know you don't want to hear this but Deb really loves you. Her family is all mad at what Sandy said about you. Something else you should know. Debbie never showed up to sign the divorce decree, so you are going to prison a married man."

I went to prison and it's not the kind of place you would want to live. It was like another world. I was getting in fights constantly. I had to prove myself to about every group there. I was nobody's patsy. My cell mate ended up being a lifer who went by the name of Killer. I guess he went home one day and saw his wife fucking another man and stabbed them both to death. According to the papers, Killer stabbed them upward of eighty times. He was a little hard to get to know. He had killed another inmate the year before after the inmate started a fight with him.

I tried to keep to myself as much as possible but other inmates had to keep trying me. I was put in the infirmary twice in the first two months for cuts. I had fights almost daily. I guess I paid my dues because I wasn't bothered quite as often after that. In fact Killer even started to talk to me.

On visitor's day, I decided to go see my visitor. I thought it would be Amy or my dad but it was Debbie.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. She looked so nice and pretty. I actually wished I could hug her but I played the mean Ray.

"Ray, I love you and made a lot of mistakes. I brought you pictures from the kids. They miss you so much, and so do I." Tears were streaming down her face.

"Look, I have another life now. Just take care of my kids and tell them I love them."

She passed some pictures of the kids to me. It was their latest school pictures and they looked so cute.

"Ray, I didn't sign the divorce papers. I will wait for you; I don't care how long it takes. I made a terrible, terrible mistake, but I know we can get past it if you still love me."

I didn't know what to say. Of course I felt I still loved her. I just hated what she did and not believing me. I stood up and walked back to my cell. I left her at the window and didn't look back.

I worked in the kitchen and overheard some conversation about a guy going after Killer for killing his friend. They were going to try and corner him in the lunch room the next evening. There was no one I could tell without being a snitch. I decided to tell Killer. That would make me part of his group. I didn't want to belong to any groups, but I couldn't let this man die the next day.

Killer wasn't sure whether to believe me. I told him to believe what he wanted. I didn't tell the guards and was probably taking a big chance telling him.

Killer looked me in the eye. He said you can tell a lot about a man when you stare him in the eyes. He told to me to stay away from him the next day. He would control the situation without anyone knowing I told him about it. I couldn't believe what he did. He placed two thin hard covered books under his shirt covering his kidneys. He had three of his group sitting behind him at another table.

When the prisoner came up behind him and put his arm around Killer's chest, he jabbed the knife into his kidneys but of course hit the book. The shivs were usually pretty dull. They would penetrate skin but not go completely through the book. Killer's friends grabbed the inmate and started beating him till the guards got to the table.

The prisoner was taken to solitary and Killer sat back down to finish his dinner. I can't believe how calm he kept through the whole ordeal. After that day, Killer talked to me pretty regularly. When we talked in our cell, he was a different person than he was outside the cell. When outside the cell, he was as hard nosed as possible. Everyone knew he was the leader of his group.

He asked me about Debbie and the kids. He told me he had three grown up kids of his own but of course they never came to see him since he killed their mother. He told me his youngest daughter, Angie, was on his side. She knew her mother was the cause of the family's problems. She wrote to him regularly but he told her not to come and visit. He didn't want other prisoners to see her and maybe put her in some kind of jeopardy. I could tell he really loved his daughter. He smiled when he told me she was a lawyer.

I told him my whole miserable story about how Sandy set me up and also set up Debbie.

"Do you still love her?" Killer asked me.

"Yes, I think so, but at the same time I hate what she did to our family."

"Does she still love you?"

"She says she does, but I can't forgive her."

"Why not? Look where you are now. You've hit bottom, baby. If there was a woman out there who loved me and said she would wait for me, I'd be the happiest man alive."

"But what about the distrust and not believing me and screwing another man? Hell, you killed the man and your wife for the same thing."

"...and I regret it every day of my life. I wish I would have given her a second chance and had my family back. Take it from me, Ray, don't carry the grudge. It will kill you ever so slowly."

Boy, did he give me something to think about. Was he right? What would I do when I got out? I had no job, no future and, right now, no family.

The following month I had a visitor again. Debbie came back. She smiled at me and had tears in her eyes.

"The kids drew you some more pictures." She put them in a tray and I looked at them. They were all pictures of a dad, mom and two kids. I guess the kids still saw us as a family.

"They miss you, Ray. God, I miss you. Will you ever be able to forgive me and we can be a family again? I promise, I'll do whatever it takes. I don't talk to Sandy or Bob anymore after what she did to us. I'm so sorry for not trusting you."

I thought to myself, 'She didn't believe me once so the next time someone says something she'll probably believe them over me again.'

"Deb, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I want to forgive you but I don't know if I can. Seeing you with Bob wasn't something I can get out of my mind. Did you really like him?"

"No, I hated it. That's why I threw up. When you walked in, I saw the look on your face and I got sick. I knew I did the wrong thing to get even when I saw you. Of course I can never take it back. God, I wish I could. I would have never done it if I wasn't so drunk. There is only one man I want and that's you, Ray, the father of our two kids.

A couple of weeks later I had another visitor. Amy came to see me. "Ray, remember I told you that Deb stopped seeing Sandy? I went by the house and I saw Sandy and Bob going into the house. I don't know why they were there so I kept on driving. I just thought you should know."

Here I was confused again. Had Deb lied to me again? I was all ready to forgive her and try to make a life for us again. I know Amy wouldn't lie to me. I would have to find out why Deb would see Susan and Bob again.

It was about a month later when Killer and I were talking and he told me he thought he owed me a favor for what I did for him. He said he was a lawyer before he was in prison and still had a few ties. He was going to see if he could get me out on an early release program.

I didn't know whether to believe him, but he had never lied to me. It may seem odd to say this about a criminal but I respected Killer. I often thought of what a good lawyer he must have been. His speech and stature demanded respect. I knew better than to ask any questions about his statement. I took him for his word.

A few weeks later, I was called up to the warden's office and there was a parole board meeting going on. The warden spoke first.

"Mr. Harper, we have a petition for an early release hearing for you. I don't know who you know but it was suggested we talk with you. After looking at your record, we see you had a rough time getting adjusted for the first few months. Is that correct?"

"Yes, sir, I guess I wasn't cut out for prison life, but I tried to adjust."

"If you got out early, where would you live and how would you survive?"

I had to think quickly. I knew this was a make it or break it question. "Well, Sir, I have a sister who is also my best friend. She and her husband said that when I get released that I could live with them till I could get back on my feet."

"Aren't you married, Mr. Harper?"

"Yes, sir, but we were in the process of a divorce when I was sentenced. As of right now I'm not sure where we stand on the marriage issue. I'm just trying to be honest with you."

"We thank you for your honesty. We knew you were separated and wanted to see how truthful you were with us."

"Sir, as far as work goes, my previous employer said I was a good worker and to come see him when I get released."

"What are your chances of coming back to prison? It makes us look pretty bad when a convict that we release early comes back."

"I promise you, Sir, that I never want to see the inside of these prison walls again."

"Go back to your cell, Mr. Harper, and we will get back to you by the end of the month."

"Yes, sir, and thank you for at least considering me for early release."

I went back to my cell and Killer asked me how it went. I told him what I told the board and asked him if he had anything to do with it.

"You never know but, if you get released early, I'll expect a carton of cigarettes a week be put in my account." He laughed.

Debbie was back a few days later and said that someone from the parole board was at the house. "Are you getting an early release?" she asked.

"What did they want? What did they say?" I asked nervously.

"How we got along and if you could live there. I told them that we were separated but I would welcome you back," she said rather nervously."

I changed the subject. "You told me that you stopped seeing Sandy. Have you been seeing her?"

"She's my sister. I don't see her as often."

I cut her off. "...and Bob, have you seen him lately?"

"Why are you asking me these questions?" She really looked nervous.

"You can't be trusted. You told me you would not see Sandy, but yet she and Bob were at the house. Did you and Bob get it on again? Is that why you're worried about an early release? You tell your fucking lover Bob that when I get out I'm going to finish the job and if you're fucking him at the time, I'll take care of you too."

Deb jumped up and ran out of the visitor's room. I knew that my thoughts were true. I was all ready to go back into the same damn situation that put me here in the first place. I didn't have any intention of killing anyone. I just wanted to put a big scare into them.

I called my sister Amy and she came down to see me. I told her about the conversation with Deb and she told me how sorry she felt for me. She did tell me the parole board came by her place and she told them I was welcome to stay as long as needed. Her husband Kenny was there and mentioned that I was welcome there.

"Do you know if they called Mr. Parker about my job?"

"Yes, they did and he said you could have your old job back. You were one of their best workers."

"God, Amy, you sure got my hopes up. I sure hope I don't get turned down."

"You won't. They told me since you have a place to stay and a job lined up you'll probably be released the first of the month." She started crying.

Amy was right. I got called up and told that I was being released the following week. I was given the name of an attorney who would be handling my case. I was to report to the agency first thing after I got released. I didn't understand why I would be seeing an attorney instead of a parole officer. I was told that the attorney's firm was the one that organized my release. They needed to see me and get my forms filed and would explain my parole situation to me and then they would send me to the parole officer.

I thanked Killer and he reminded me of the cigarettes. I told him they would be there. To be honest, I don't know if he had anything to do with my early parole but it was worth a carton of cigarettes a week just to be free.

As I walked out the front gate, there stood my sister, Amy, crying. I gave her a hug and a light brotherly kiss. "Welcome back, Bro."

I went to Amy's and her husband greeted me. I knew I was really welcome there. Of course I asked about Debbie, and Amy told me after I had talked to her at the prison that she contacted a lawyer and signed the final dissolution papers.

I guess my thoughts about Deb were right, but now I was a free man.

I knew I had to go see Deb and make arrangements to see my kids. I called over first to make sure she was home. I didn't want any big surprises and end up back in prison. I tried to explain to her that I was not coming over to cause trouble. We could even talk on the front porch. I just wanted to make arrangements to see my kids regularly. She agreed to see me but she said she would call the police if I started any trouble.

When I arrived at the house, my kids came running to me shouting, "Daddy, Daddy, you're back." I grabbed them and hugged them; God how I missed them. I talked to them for a few minutes and told them to ride their bikes and Mommy and me would sit on the porch and watch them.

"What do you want, Ray? You've made it perfectly clear that we will never be a family again. We are going on with our lives."

"Debbie, they are my kids too and I want them part of my life. I was all set to forgive you but you lied to me once again. You just had to go back with Bob and Sandy. I know what kind of people they are and the type of people they hang with."

"Ray, you were in prison and I got lonely."

"Don't give me that shit! I know you've been fucking around. I don't give a shit who you fuck anymore. Take fucking Bob up your ass if you haven't already. I'm here to tell you that if I find out that my kids are exposed to that perverse lifestyle that I will do everything humanly possible to take them from you. Do you understand? This isn't just some idle threat. My kids mean a lot to me and I want them to have a good life."

"Ray, I would never do anything to hurt my kids...."

"You already have. You broke up our family over fucking Bob. I will keep an eye out to make sure my kids are kept away from such people. I'll be seeing my new lawyer tomorrow and find out what my rights are. I don't trust or believe you anymore. You've showed me your true stripes. I'm over you but we have two kids to raise and I'm going to make sure they are raised in a good environment."

"I promise you, Ray, that I won't be drawn into that lifestyle. Yes, I tried it. I'll admit it but it's not for me or my kids. You'll see. I'm a changed woman."

"I don't trust you and remember, actions speak louder than words."

My kids came up and I talked to them about school and what all they've been doing. I told them that I was living with Aunt Amy but I would be finding a place closer and would be spending more time with them. I kissed and hugged them goodbye and headed back to Amy's.

The next morning I headed to the law firm that represented me. It felt kind of odd going there. I hadn't even talked to the lawyer that got me an early release. I walked up to the receptionist and pulled out the card I was given by the parole board.

"May I speak to Mr. A.J. Brady please? I have an appointment; I'm Ray Harper."

The receptionist smiled at me. "Ms. Brady will see you shortly. Please be seated, Mr. Harper."

I asked myself if she said Ms. Brady? The card said, "A.J. Brady" so I just assumed it was a man. I was sitting there wondering when a beautiful woman approached me in a navy blue dress suit. She had a smile and dimples and dark shoulder length brunette hair. I couldn't help staring at her as she reached out her hand to greet me.

"Ray Harper, I presume," she said, as she held out her hand to shake mine. "I'm A.J. Brady. I know we haven't met but I was asked to look at your - should I say - situation, and found you didn't have a fair defense and the rest we will talk about. Will you please follow me into my office? Mary, I don't want to be disturbed. Please take messages on any calls I get and tell them I'll get back to them."

"Yes, Ms. Brady," replied the receptionist.

I followed her into her office. I would have followed her over a cliff if she would have asked. She was one good looking woman.

"Well, Mr. Harper, we finally meet."

"Please call me Ray, if you don't mind. I owe you my life and I don't have any idea why you did it."

"Mr. Harper ... I mean Ray, ... a good friend of mine asked me to look into your case. Your lawyer let you plead guilty instead of trying to help you out. You had a lot if mitigating circumstances that he never brought up. You had just signed your divorce papers. The man who was part of the cause of your divorce came into the place where you were. You weren't really of sound mind at the time. These factors and others would have gotten you a lesser sentence. Granted, you did the assault but your sentence was too harsh. I pointed this out to the parole board and they somewhat agreed with me."

I asked, "Why, Ms. Brady? Why me? Who asked you to help me? Can I call you something other than Ms. Brady? After all I feel you saved my life and gave me my life back."

"Look, Ray, I was asked to help you and I did. Is it that important that you know who hired me? As far as my name goes, I guess you can call me A.J."