Big Mack

Yoshi: hey

Mack: hey

Well, so far, this conversation was going about as well as expected. From Yoshi's point of view, they all tend to start out this way, and too many ended this way too.

Yoshi was absentmindedly scrolling through Grindr when he discovered a profile he hadn't seen before. He was impressed with the pic. It showed a bare-chested man, maybe in his mid 40s, standing near a river, holding a big fish he'd presumably just caught. Maybe this Mack guy was new to the area. His fingertips began tapping across his screen.

Yoshi: whats up

Mack: not much

Yoshi waited for some more words to appear on his screen, but none arrived. There was a pause in transmission. He was tired of always being the one to drive conversations. He sighed, closed the app, and went out for a walk along the river.

Brisbane was humid and sub-tropical in March. Summer hadn't faded away yet. The sky was blue and the air was warm, but clouds were beginning to form on the horizon. Locals knew exactly what this meant -- a late afternoon thunderstorm was in store, possibly a vicious one. As he walked along the riverbank, hundreds of people were out and about, enjoying fresh air and exercise. Nobody was worried about the impending storm; they were frequent.

Yoshi pulled his phone out of his pocket. He checked for new messages. None. He brushed his emo fringe out of his eyes and put his cap back in place on his head. He continued walking until he found a pub. He sat at the bar and ordered a schooner of Fourex, Queensland's iconic beer. The barmaid picked a fresh glass from the rack and turned the handle of the tap. Seconds later, the frosty amber liquid landed on a cardboard coaster in front of him. He sipped his beer, but his sips became gulps as he realised how thirsty he was. He looked around the room -- a crowd of people were gathered around a large TV watching a game of Australian football. Yoshi wasn't into sports, and this wasn't his type of place either. He finished his beer quietly and left, walking out into blinding Brisbane afternoon light.

He jumped on the Citycat ferry and boated his way down the river towards Toowong, the suburb he lived in. He turned the key to his one-bedroom rental apartment and closed the door. After a light dinner, he showered and climbed into bed. He scrolled through Grindr again and found the profile he saw this afternoon. That Mack dude was still there, but Yoshi wasn't in the mood to try again. He opened his laptop, watched some porn, and jacked off before turning in for the night.

*

Yoshi finished classes early in the afternoon. He opened the app and tried again.

Yoshi: hey dude what u doin

Mack: not much what about u

Yoshi: just finished uni got the rest of the arvo free

Yoshi waited expectantly, but again, there was no response. This Mack guy didn't seem to be much of a conversationalist. Nobody ever expects to have deep and meaningfuls on an app, but Yoshi wasn't sure what to say to progress the conversation. He wondered whether he was bothering the guy, or perhaps he wasn't his type. He wondered whether mentioning he was a uni student might've put him off -- maybe he was too young for him. Whatever; the dude could always block him if he wanted to.

*

Yoshi was in his early 20s. His dad was Australian, but his mum was born in Kyoto, which gave their son's features an exotic, half-Japanese look. He got good grades at school, but he didn't have any specific career aspirations. His parents expected him to go to university, and he had no good reason not to, so he enrolled in a communications degree at the Uni of Queensland. His parents lived too far away from UQ's Brisbane campus, and he didn't want to spend half of each day in transit, so he moved out to be closer to school. His parents supported him financially, but rent wasn't cheap. He worked a few odd hours each week stacking supermarket shelves to help make ends meet. His belongings were few -- a bed, a fridge, a computer, some books, some clothes and a few CDs, but for now, it was all he needed. In shedding his old suburban skin, he'd left his most of his old schoolfriends behind.

Yoshi stood about 5 feet 8 inches. He was skinny, the consequence of a fast metabolism. His dyed black hair was cut short at the back and grew long at the front, falling down heavy over his dark brown eyes. His fingernails and toenails were painted black. Every single t-shirt he owned was black. Some displayed the artwork of bands or cartoon characters he liked, while others were just plain black. In summer, he wore long shorts, with the legs cut, ripped and frayed at the knees, heavy black boots, and long, stripy socks. The emo uniform. His right nostril was pierced, as was his bottom lip and left nipple. He had a few small tattoos on his upper arms and was already considering what his next one should be. He loved music, and most nights, he was out at a pub somewhere watching a band. And when he wasn't listening to music, his face was usually buried in the spine of a thick novel.

Later that night, he tried again. It looked like they lived close to each other.

Yoshi: hey man whats happening

Long minutes passed, and Yoshi didn't think he'd get a response. There was a little green dot on Mack's profile pic, which meant he was online. Maybe he was talking to other people, or maybe he just wasn't interested. Yoshi put his phone on his bedside table and opened the novel he was halfway through.

Unexpectedly, his phone vibrated.

Mack: you keep messaging me?

The girls at school thought he was cute and highly fuckable, but Yoshi quickly realised he was more into men. In his final year at school, he took to wearing a thumb ring with the colours of the bisexual flag. Most of his classmates knew what it meant. He gazed at it for a moment before turning his attention back to the app.

Yoshi: yeah cause i like your profile pic ... i hope im not bothering u

Mack: i think i might be a little too old for you, fella

Yoshi smiled before replying.

Yoshi: i like older men, but u dont look old, actually you look fit as fuck ... was the fish good?

Mack responded with a smile emoji, and Yoshi grinned. He's on the hook, now reel him in.

Yoshi: are u new? haven't seen u before

Mack: new to what?

Yoshi: new to Brisbane?

Mack: nah lived here a long time but new to the app

Yoshi wondered if he was dealing with a potential midlife crisis.

Yoshi: what are you into

Mack: you mean like in terms of sex?

Yoshi: it was a broad question ...

For now, Yoshi didn't get an answer. Mack didn't really know what he was 'into'.

Mack: where do u live

Yoshi: toowong

Mack: not too far from me i'm in milton

Yoshi: sweet, just up the river from me

Mack: yeah

Yoshi paused for a second, unsure where to take the conversation from here. At least he'd discovered that this Mack dude was a real person (not a bot) and that he didn't live too far away. He waited, hoping Mack would make the next contribution to their chat. After a few minutes, he saw three telltale dots bouncing up and down on his screen for a few brief seconds before disappearing. A few seconds later, they reappeared, only to disappear again. Yoshi smiled. He knew that this meant: his correspondent was happy to keep talking, but he wasn't sure what to say. He waited a little longer.

Mack: how old r u

Yoshi: 21

Mack: fuck i'm 42, twice your age ... does that bother you

Yoshi: like i said, im into older men ... i promise I wont get you arrested ... your pic is hot, you've got an awesome body

Mack: thanks man, i used to have a nice frame but age is starting to fill me out a little, i'm getting a gut, and gravity sucks

Yoshi: i love a sexy dad bod and judging by your profile pic yours is A1

Mack: thanks again

Yoshi waited. The three dots appeared, disappeared, and reappeared.

Mack: i'm new 2 this

Yoshi: i know, u said earlier, that's cool

Mack: no, what i mean is i don't know what to do next

Yoshi: well, we could keep talking, or we could meet up somewhere later in the week, or I guess you could block me if im not ur type

There was a very, very long pause in the conversation.

Mack: ok yeah sounds good ... maybe we can meet up for a beer or something ... u sure you aren't freaked out by the age difference?

Yoshi resisted the temptation to refer to him as 'daddy'.

Yoshi: nah all good

They arranged to meet at 6pm the following afternoon at the Caxton Hotel. Mack said he'd be wearing a Queensland Reds jersey. Yoshi had to google this phrase to know what to look for.

*

Yoshi felt nervous, but he didn't know why. If this was just gonna be about sex, he could get that anywhere. At gigs, he was constantly surrounded by emos, goths and metalheads, and most of them thought he was hot. There were plenty of hookups in Yoshi's life, but same-subculture sex wasn't what he was looking for. He knew he wanted something different, he just didn't know what it was. Or who it was.

He wasn't into sports, but he'd heard the Caxton was a notorious place, especially when the State of Origin rugby league matches were on. He finished uni around 4.30 and caught the ferry to the city. He ordered a coffee in an air-conditioned Roma Street café and passed the time with a book. He had some homework to do, but he couldn't be bothered. Besides, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to concentrate on it.

Around 5.30, he packed up and left, heading the few blocks north. He hoped he wasn't the first one to arrive.

He looked around. Four TVs on four separate walls showed four different sports. If he wasn't meeting someone, he'd never consider setting foot in a place like this.

A giant hulk of a man was seated on a stool at the bar, a cool beer in front of him. His eyes were glued to one of the screens. He was wearing a Reds jersey.

Yoshi approached. "Excuse me ... are you Mack?"

Mack turned around. "Yeah. You must be Yoshi?" He extended a large, callused hand, carved by years of hard physical work. Yoshi accepted Mack's grip and tried not to grimace as Mack's firm, strong handshake squeezed his bones. He noticed how big and thick Mack's fingers were. "Have a seat," Mack offered, and Yoshi perched himself on the adjacent stool. "Beer?" he asked.

"What are you drinking?" asked Yoshi.

Mack finished the last of his glass before turning to the barmaid. "Two schooners of Fourex, thanks, love."

The barmaid asked to see Yoshi's ID to prove his age. She handed it back, commenting that the kid was a little older than he looked.

Mack looked at Yoshi while he waited for their beers to pour. A pierced lip and nostril? And long, floppy hair waving all over his face? He didn't remember seeing any of these features in Yoshi's profile pic.

Two beers arrived, and Mack knocked a quarter of his glass back instantly. "Fuck, it's hot today," he observed.

"Yeah," agreed Yoshi.

Mack's eyes darted back to the screen. A replay of the recent Force versus Hurricanes game was playing. "You into rugby?"

Yoshi tried to bluff. "Uhh ... yeah ... I follow the Broncos."

Mack smiled. "Nah, that's the wrong rugby."

"The wrong rugby?" asked Yoshi, sipping his beer.

"Yeah, the Broncos play rugby league. Softest game in the world. I'm talking about rugby union. A real game, for tough people."

Yoshi doubted if he could tell the difference between league and union, not that he really cared. "Are the Reds a rugby union team?"

"Yeah."

As their meaningless small talk played out, Yoshi looked Mack up and down. Longish red hair held in place under a trucker cap, and expressive, bright blue eyes. His beard was unruly, and his hairy arms looked strong and muscly. Glancing down, he noticed Mack was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a dusty pair of Blundstone boots. Australian to the bootstraps. Salt of the earth.

Meanwhile, Mack spent a few seconds checking Yoshi out. Black fingernails? Black everything? And fuck, what a skinny runt. He reckoned he could snap him in half if he wanted to.

Was this really going to be his first time? This wasn't how Mack imagined this would unfold.

One or two of Mack's friends waved across the room at him, raising their beers in friendly salute. They weren't sure who his companion was. Maybe Mack was having a quiet beer with his nephew or something. They left him alone.

The hum and rumble of the pub moved around them.

"Can I ask you something?" asked Yoshi.

Mack sipped his beer. "Sure."

"So, you said you were new to Grindr. What did you mean?"

Mack grimaced slightly. "I guess you could say I'm experimenting. Well, that's what I tell myself, anyway."

Yoshi noticed the wedding ring wrapped around Mack's finger. "Married?" He didn't know that this was Mack's first time meeting up with someone.

Mack looked thoughtfully at his hand. "Yeah. Well, kinda. Married with two kids, but the missus and I are separated. We kinda just grew apart, I guess. Kids are living with her, probably until they finish school in a few years." He quickly turned the focus back to Yoshi. "What about you?"

Yoshi laughed. "Well, I'm not married, if that's what you're asking."

Mack smiled a little. He noticed the multi-coloured ring on Yoshi's thumb, but he didn't know what it signified. "No, I mean ... tell me a bit about yourself?"

"You already know I'm 21. I'm at uni doing communications, but I don't know why. I'm into music and I'm learning the guitar. I suppose music is a type of communication." He brushed his thick fringe back from his face, and Mack noticed his dark brown eyes for the first time. "I'd love to be in a band someday."

"What do you want to do when you're done with uni?"

Yoshi gave the honest answer. "I don't know. I've got no idea." He paused for a second. "What about you? What do you do?"

Their beer glasses were empty, and the barmaid poured refills. Mack wrapped his strong fist around the cool vessel. "Auto mechanic," he answered, bending his elbow, lifting the glass.

Yoshi wasn't sure what to say, so he nodded.

"I've always loved cars," Mack said. "I love driving, especially long distances, and I love to pull things apart and put them back together again, just for the hell of it, to learn how they work. Getting harder these days because modern cars are so full of electronics, but give me an old Holden to play with and I'm happy as a pig in shit."

Yoshi smiled. He wondered what Mack might look like, hard at work in a garage, wiping oil on his overalls and sweat off his brow.

"Didn't go to uni myself," Mack continued, "didn't see the point, and besides, things were a bit different in my day. I got an apprenticeship in a garage, and that was me locked in for life." He paused for a second. "I'm also into rugby," he continued, "as I'm sure you've already worked out. Used to be a handy loose-head prop back in my day, but my playing days are over. Too many injuries. I'd like to think I could've played for the Reds, but I guess I was unlucky. I still love the game, and part of the reason I live in Milton now is because it's close to Lang Park. I also like fishing. Nothing better in life than dangling a rod over the side."

The double-entendre was entirely unintentional, but it still made liquid flecks of beer foam out of Yoshi's nose. Mack watched the emo wipe his face with the back of his hand, still not quite sure what he said to trigger this reaction.

"You ever been to a rugby game?" Mack inquired.

"No," Yoshi replied, wondering what a loose prop was. Sounded dangerous. "My parents are into sports, but I guess it never rubbed off on me."

Mack wordlessly raised his glass to his lips.

"I'm more into things like music and books," Yoshi added. "I also like to go to the art gallery. I wish I knew how to draw."

"Can't remember the last book I read," Mack admitted, "unless the owners' manual for a Commodore VC counts."

"Did you learn something from it?" Yoshi asked.

"Yeah, sure did."

"Then I reckon it counts," smiled Yoshi.

They drank quietly for a few moments, each trying not to let the awkwardness of their situation overwhelm them. Out the corner of his eye, Yoshi looked the hunky slab of blue-collar up and down once more. He'd love to get down and dirty with him, but he half-expected Mack to make an excuse to leave any second. Mack was much less sure about the situation. He'd never had sex with a man, though he'd been thinking about it a lot lately. He knew it could happen tonight if he wanted it to. But he'd always imagined his first time would be with someone his own age and with similar interests, with the action happening spontaneously in a garage, or a warehouse, or maybe at a truckstop. That's how it always played out in the porn he watched. He'd never considered the possibility of losing his same-sex virginity with a skinny weirdo with a pierced face. But the more they drank, the more comfortable Mack felt.

"Is Mack your real name?" asked Yoshi.

Mack turned around to face his drinking companion. He was beginning to warm to Yoshi's piercings. They looked edgy, and he thought they suited him. "Yes and no," he smiled.

Yoshi took another sip. "What do you mean?"

"Well, my last name is McDonald, so I guess people call me Mack." He paused for a second, not sure whether to continue. "Actually," he said out the corner of his mouth, "some people call Big Mack."

"Why?" asked innocent Yoshi.

"Take a wild guess."

Now Yoshi knew exactly what Mack meant. His half-Japanese eyes went wide. "How big?"

"About 22 centimetres."

Yoshi did the maths. A little bigger than eight inches. He'd played with his fair share of penises, but outside of porn, he'd never seen anything remotely this big. Looking at the size of Mack's hands and fingers, he had no reason to doubt the mechanic's claim, but he played the sceptic card just to see what might happen. "Yeah, right," he snorted.

The mechanic smiled, brushing the bait aside. Maybe he'd prove the emo wrong later tonight. "'Scuse me for a sec, I need to take a piss. Hold my stool." He waved to the barmaid on the way to the men's room. "Two more, thanks, love."

Yoshi sat in silence as two fresh beers arrived. He imagined Mack flopping out a solid eight inches of meat, pissing a fat stream into the trough. He imagined two dudes standing on either side of the mechanic looking down jealously at Mack's endowment, dark envy coursing through their veins.

Mack returned after a few short moments. "Needed that," he declared, resuming his stool and reaching for his next beer.

They talked a little longer, scratching the surface of each other's personalities, but Mack already doubted he'd want to see Yoshi again after tonight -- they were just too different, not only in age, but seemingly in every other way. But he felt horny, and his companion was cute. 'OK', he thought to himself, 'so this is how it's gonna go down.'

Yoshi picked up his glass and swivelled on his stool so he was facing directly at Mack. He propped an elbow on the bar, attempting to create a casual aura of sceptical disbelief. "Eight inches, huh?" he challenged, arching an eyebrow. He sipped his beer.

"Yeah," the mechanic deadpanned. The proof was in his pants.

"Girthy?"

"Yeah, that too."

Yoshi was a little drunk. "Can I touch it?"

Mack waited for a few seconds. "Go on," said the mechanic.

Yoshi could hardly breathe as he furtively reached under the bar to place his hand in Mack's lap. He gasped as he felt the size of the mechanic's thick sausage through his denim. "Fuck," he whispered. "That's big."

Mack smiled at the compliment. "Yeah, that's what I've been told."

"Can I see it?"

For Mack, this was the moment of truth. He looked around the pub. His friends were here. He didn't want them to know. "OK," he said, "but not here."

Yoshi wondered what Mack might've meant. The pub bathroom? A back street? A park somewhere?