Bro Girl

What was her problem? Why did she think she had the right to decide who was right for me and who wasn't? I raged inside, trying hard to figure out who this girl could be, but my mind was blank.

Jenna laughed and said with a mischievous grin, "Okay, my turn. And while we are on the subject of cocks and stuff, I have a real curveball for you." She paused for a moment and I thought she was going to ask me something about my dick, but she had another surprise for me.

"How was Amy in bed?" she asked, again wiggling her eyebrows.

It wasn't a curveball, it was a ball that hit me directly in the head. I wasn't expecting it at all. And while Jenna had a silly, drunken smile on her face and I knew it was all just a game, I couldn't help but feel self-conscious about not knowing how Amy was in bed. We only got to touch each other more boldly through clothes. Not even a third base with blowjobs and stuff. Yeah, I got embarrassed about my virginity. How lame is that, right?

But it was what it was, and I had to either lie to Jenna and make up a story about my experience for no other reason than to save my so-called face or tell her the truth. Or I could take a second shot and refuse to answer... which would be an answer in itself.

Luckily... I was drunk and honesty was the natural choice for me. Especially with Jenna. I was sure she wouldn't have laughed at me even if she knew I was still a virgin.

"How the hell would I know? Ask Blake or Drake... or whoever she dated after me," I said, chuckling awkwardly.

Jenna's eyes went wide and she exhaled. "No way! You didn't?"

"'Yeah, we didn't," I repeated after her.

"Wow! You'd been dating for several months and Amy kept you for so long without doing anything?! Who's the real cock-block here, haha!"

"Yeah," I said, smiling kind of dumbly.

"So... you haven't... you know?" she asked cautiously, with an uncertain smile.

"Yes, I have not," I answered, feeling as if my cheeks were visible from space because of their redness. Not wanting to sound like a total loser, I tried to joke, "At this point, I am considering entering a convent."

"Oh, yeah, because virginity is the end of the world. It's like a disease you have to get rid of whenever and with whomever you can," Jenna replied sarcastically.

"Come on, it's not that I'm ashamed of it, but it seems like everyone around me has already gotten laid!" I tried to make light of it, but surprisingly Jenna was serious.

"Not everyone, I can assure you," she said with a meaningful smile.

Wow! That was surprising news! I could see that Jenna was a little embarrassed too, but probably not as much as I was.

"What? You too? I thought..." I stuttered, experiencing error 404, requesting brain not found.

"Yeah, me too. Pure and untouched," Jenna said, laughing. She stuck out her tongue. "You thought what? That I learned to do those splits in bed? A new guy every weekend?"

"Don't be dumb, of course not." I waved my hand, almost knocking the bottle over and making Jenna giggle. I had no control over my limbs. I laughed too, but then added in a more serious tone, "I just thought that... I mean, you and Tyler seemed to be on stage."

Jenna didn't answer at first, just poured two more shots for us. Or three shots, two for us, one for the table. She cussed and giggled again. We downed them and it tasted like pure fire to me. I could see that Jenna reacted the same way. It seemed we had had enough. And it seemed that our game ended naturally, without us even noticing.

Finally Jenna sighed and said, "We weren't, although Tyler really wanted us to be. He was... I mean, that's the main reason I didn't want to be with him anymore."

"Oh my God, did he try to force you? I'm gonna kill his ass, I swear!"

"No, don't worry hothead, he didn't. Tyler was just... pushy about it, and I wasn't sure I wanted to go down that road with him. He teased me about it and told me that I was making too big a deal out of it. You know, because virginity is nothing important, nothing worth cherishing. More like something to be ashamed of." Jenna's tone was sarcastic, but I knew her too well to know that it was just a facade. "I knew I was a small-town hillbilly girl to him. And I also knew that he wanted to be my first, not because... he loved me, of course, or even liked me very much, but just to be the Chad who popped my cherry. Like it was some kind of accomplishment for him.

"What a fucking idiot," I muttered under my breath, seething with anger. I knew it was also the alcohol in my veins, but I would fuck Tyler up in a minute if he was around.

"So, it may have seemed like our relationship was serious from the outside, but it really wasn't. We weren't a good match. I thought we'd get along really well because we shared the hobby of weightlifting, but he was also kind of pushy about it...and manipulative. He helped me with diet and supplements, but then I realized that he wasn't just supporting me as a guy with more experience in the subject, but he wanted to encourage me to gain more and more muscle mass. Tyler even asked me if I was open to taking it to the next level, as he called it. He meant taking some shit like sarms or peptides. He tried to convince me that it wasn't like juicing with steroids, but, well, he forgot that the hillbilly girl could use Google. Overall, the muscles on the girls were his kink. And since he noticed I liked to work out and had pretty good genetics for it, he thought he could mold a perfect bodybuilder girlfriend for himself."

"Jesus, what an asshole. Using sarms and peptides with only a few months experience? Idiot, a total fucking idiot." I shook my head, still angry. But that feeling quickly faded as I learned more about their relationship. I didn't want to feel happy that it had been a big failure, but that's how I felt.

"Yeah..." Jenna smiled a bit ruefully.

"So that's why... you kind of toned down your size after the winter break?"

She seemed a little surprised by the question, but shrugged her shoulders and replied, "Yeah, after the breakup, I didn't feel like going in that direction anymore. I didn't want to get too big. So I stopped taking creatine, haha!"

We laughed a little and silence followed. I had this strange mixed state of mind, half drunk, half sober, but the latter was just an illusion that came from the serious atmosphere of our conversation. Jenna looked at the table, deep in thought, playing with the bottle cap.

Suddenly she lifted her eyes to me and said, "Besides, I didn't want to get too big because you didn't like it..."

"Oh, c'mon," I quickly cut in. "I told you how it was with me. Besides, why would you care about my opinion about your hobby and how muscular you want to be?"

"Because you're important to me, dummy," Jenna replied, but in a cheerful manner. She hesitated for a second and added, "More important than Tyler could ever be.

I was taken aback by her statement, but figured out that she meant our friendship. So I reacted accordingly. "Duuuuuh, you're important to me too, Kendall. Even if you drag me into heavy drinking!"

She laughed and pointed to the bottle with a few shots left.

"Oh, I can quit drinking anytime!" She made a funny reference to what every addict says. "But I don't want to drink it anymore. I'm done."

"Yeah, me too."

"Let's move to the couch, my butt hurts from the chair," Jenna said, struggling to stand. She wobbled heavily.

I stood up too, and the whole room spun around me. I was as drunk as I could be. We burst out laughing at how wasted we both were.

"Oh fuck, the couch seems miles from here," Jenna said and started to walk, only to bump into me after a few steps. She laughed out loud and leaned against me.

Instinctively, I grabbed her waist, still laughing silly. "I got you, Jenna!"

"Choo choo choo, Vietnam sounds!" Jenna made a hilarious imitation of helicopter noises. Or was it a reference to something from The Office? I had a vague impression that it was, but couldn't remember.

But we walked toward the couch like two soldiers under heavy fire, holding and carrying each other. The only difference was that we were laughing all the time. Finally we both stumbled and fell on the couch, almost sinking into it. I ended up with my back against the backrest and Jenna sitting very close to me, even her left leg was across my lap. She still held me by the neck and tilted her head back on the couch. My arm was still wrapped around her waist. Not that I would complain but we were... very close.

For a while, we just sat like this in silence. Something subtly shifted as if the air changed its density. I could feel it around me. Like in slow motion, I turned my head toward Jenna to find her looking at me. Something in her face, in her eyes... It was all of a sudden very intense. Her gaze looked focused, even though she was drunk. I was aware of that, despite being drunk as well.

Are we going to... I thought but she interrupted my foggy mind process.

"I was that girl, Lane," she said quietly, looking at me closely.

"Which girl?" I asked although the answer was already coming up to me.

"The girl with a crush on you. The girl Sheila didn't think was right for you," Jenna replied, her voice cracking a bit.

I gasped softly, shocked and yet not entirely surprised. It was a strange moment, hanging in limbo between two very different states of mind. Could she really have had feelings for me all these years and never taken a step toward us being together? The thought crossed my mind, but I soon realized it was a reflection of my own actions. Perhaps we had both been in love for so long that we had never dared to act on it for fear of jeopardizing our friendship. All this time, we had been pretending to each other, trying to date others to fill the void inside of us. It was crazy, tragic and...

"Do you still have it? The crush?" I heard my voice speaking, as if without my will. It was oddly deep and hoarse.

Jenna looked at me and made a strange movement with her head, as if she was trying to nod and shake at the same time.

"Yes, but it was never just a crush, Lane. It was something much, much more serious," she whispered, her breath brushing my lips.

I closed the distance between us and our lips met, my heart racing as a thrill coursed through my body. Jenna's lips were soft and moist, and she parted them slightly to allow me in, as if mimicking the cautious way she had spoken of her feelings. Our tongues swirled in the same delicate way, exploring each other carefully and slowly.

I had no idea who initiated the kiss. I wanted to believe it was both of us. But it didn't matter. Our binary system was whole again, closer than ever. And I never wanted it to end.

Jenna let out a few soft moans into my mouth and it made my blood boil. I pulled her closer, leaning back so that she was on top of me. Her hand touched the side of my face in a tender, slow gesture. I held her tightly in my arms.

I felt so happy that I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I was drunk as hell, but in this one matter my mind was sober and acute. I knew what I wanted. And who I wanted.

After a long time we stopped and just looked at each other from a very close distance. It was even more intimate than our kiss.

"I'm drunk as fuck, but you have to know that I wanted this, Lane. You can't imagine how long," she whispered.

"Me too," I replied a heartbeat after her.

We smiled and Jenna laid her head on my chest. I held her in my arms and slowly stroked her back. My dick was so damn hard that there was no way Jenna didn't feel it on her stomach, but she didn't say anything. We lay there peacefully, enveloped in tequila bliss and... happiness.

"Please, tell me everything's going to be okay," Jenna mumbled weakly. She sounded a bit dramatic, but I could feel her. We were wasted and tired. And we had just crossed the Rubicon.

I kissed her on the head and said, "Everything will be fine, Jenna. Tomorrow we'll just feel like shit with a hangover, but that's all. And we'll be awkward, very awkward, but eventually, many years from now, we'll tell our grandchildren how their grandma and grandpa got drunk once and the rest was history."

Jenna's laugh vibrated in my chest and then she sighed. "I like you. You're a funny guy, Monroe."

"Then it's a nice coincidence because I like you too. And you're a funny girl, too," I murmured in response, just continuing to stroke her upper back.

Jenna's breathing became steady and calm and soon she fell asleep. And I stroked her back until I also dozed off, but just before I was the happiest man on the planet.

***

When I woke up, my head was like a balloon. Light and bloated. Even the dim light in the basement blazed in my eyes. For a few seconds I had trouble figuring out where I was and what had happened, then it all hit me. It seemed like it was all just a wonderful dream, especially since Jenna was no longer on the couch with me. But she had been, it was real. And she covered me with a blanket. When I moved my hands, I noticed a piece of paper on my stomach.

I picked it up. It was a note from Jenna. And it was in her style, so I read it with a smile, even though my head was killing me.

"Dear Lane, I hope my sudden absence didn't alarm you. I had to take care of an urgent matter that was barfing like a fucking hydrant in the toilet. I'm dying right now and will be sleeping for many hours, but please come back in the evening, okay? Luv ya, J."

I chuckled, even though the letters were slightly floating in front of my eyes and I had to concentrate painfully to make them out. I was probably still a little drunk and at the same time the monstrous hangover was starting to lurk out of its fucking lair. I checked the time on my phone and it was 10:30 a.m. I struggled to my feet and had to sit still on the couch for a moment until the room stopped spinning.

I got up slowly, like I was moving underwater, cleared the table after our swig, and quietly went upstairs to check on Jenna. I paused at the door of her room. Although I couldn't see her, since she was in a bunker-like construction of pillows and quilts, I could hear her well - she snored from time to time. I stood there like an idiot for a moment, smiling silly, then went back downstairs, made sure the main door was locked, and did the same with the backyard entrance, using a spare key.

Then I slowly shambled toward my house. Fortunately, my amazing stomach and liver kept me from throwing up, although I did spend about twenty minutes in the bathroom just in case. Once there, I drank a gallon of water in one sitting and took a long, ice-cold shower. That helped a lot. For the hangover and for my hot head.

The thing was, I couldn't believe what had happened. And at the same time I knew that it was real and that we had done this. Part of me was freaking out and screaming "Omfg, you kissed Jenna! You have to think about it all the time, analyze it from every fucking angle until you get insane!' while the second part was like 'Nah, don't panic. It's all good. Just the way it should be'.

I was so amped up that I put on some sweatpants and a tank top, grabbed some cash, and went running. I just had to run. Full Forrest Gump mode. I ran and ran and laughed like a maniac.

I felt... revived! As if my health and mana points were being replenished like in a video game. Or even with extra boosts and buffs, like +100 to overall happiness. Or a 10% wider smile, or a 15% greater chance of suddenly bursting into joyful laughter. I felt like I was playing on God Mode.

Being eighteen is the stupidest age, right? You barely know yourself and yet you have to make the most important decisions of your life - what do I want to do in the future? What college should I choose? What will my job be? This and that and so on. I knew shit about none of these questions. But I was sure about one thing.

I wanted to be with Jenna.

I ran seemingly without purpose, but it was as if my body had access to a plan I wasn't aware of. Soon I found myself in the part of Marietta where I could pass as a stranger. Maybe not quite, as everyone in this town knew everyone, but it was far from our neighborhood. Far enough for me to find a drugstore where I could easily, unselfconsciously buy... condoms.

Yeah, I know. Someone might have said I was out of my mind. And I was. I was in love! And I had a feeling that Jenna and I could take it to the next level pretty soon. And if not, well, it wouldn't hurt to be cautious.

As I slowly walked back (no more running, as the half-digested tequila in my stomach got a little uneasy), I whistled and hummed with joy.

As I passed an abandoned building where we used to hang out as kids, I stopped and wondered if our tree was still there. Without thinking much, I turned and walked behind the ruined fence.

And the tree was still there. It was a strange, barkless tree, completely dead for so many years, but still standing for some reason. We used to imagine fantastical or creepy paranormal stories about the tree during our countless escapades there. The memories came to me at once.

I approached the trunk, looking for something. And to my delight, it was still there!

It was a writing, or rather a few letters carved into the wood - BFF at the top and JK + LM below. I traced these letters with my fingers, feeling a bit emotional. Without thinking too much, I took the keys out of my pocket and carved a rough shape of a... heart, enclosing the acronym and our initials. I felt silly doing it, but at the same time I didn't. I left the BFF untouched, because it was still the truth. We were best friends and now we could be more. If that wasn't the definition of a win-win situation, I don't know what else could be.

***

As I walked into my house, I saw that the shades on the windows in Jenna's room were lowered. I wondered if she was still asleep. For a moment I considered using our whistle signal, but decided against it.

There was no message from Jenna on my phone, but there was one from my mother. She wrote that they would be back in two days and that she had sent me some money. The second information was of course pretty good.

I decided to lay down like a total lazy ass and occupy myself with mind-numbing entertainment - watching some of my favorite video game streamers on my phone. I was too tired for anything more active.

I don't know how much time had passed when the stream was interrupted by a message from Jenna.

She wrote, "Where are you? Worried!" and added a few emojis, as she usually did.

I replied that I was at home doing nothing. Jenna wrote the following message, "So if you can postpone your very important engagement and come to my place. We'll be chilling in the pool, so wear swimming trunks. Or not :D Skinny-dip?" Then she immediately sent another - "I'm kidding!" And after that another one - "Or am I? You decide! xD"

I cracked up when I saw her messages. She was the only person who could make me laugh so easily.

I texted back, "Calm your tits, Kendall. I'll be right there. In the trunks." And a second later I sent, "Or without them?" With a big grin on my face, I walked over to my closet and pulled out my trunks. Joking aside, I was sure we weren't going to go skinny-dipping... yet. So I wore the trunks and pulled my shorts over them. But I decided to go to Jenna's house without the shirt. Yeah, let's show off a little.

I was already downstairs when I stopped and ran back to my room. I forgot... condoms. Feeling totally stupid and embarrassed, I quickly grabbed them and hid them in my pocket. Had I gone too far with my expectations? Most likely. But I also had a weird hunch. Weird was the right word to describe me and everything that was going on in my head. And also everything that happened between me and Jenna yesterday. But the latter was weird in an amazing way.