CJ and Me Pt. 06 - The Recovery

This is a story of a life's Journey. Through heartache and pain, so many happy moments, there is some very erotic sexual passages, [I hope] but it is blended into the context of a life's journey. I've tried to make them as real as they were for me at the time, although sometimes my memory fails me. So this story is based on facts, some fiction [to protect the guilty] and many, many fantasies. The place names are real, as are the people. The names have been changed but they are as real as you and me. I'm not as strong as I was lead to believe I was. As I settle into a marriage, eventually children and told 'be happy and grateful'. Forty years in a few pages, seems like a wasted life. But I will skip the many Sapphic Adventures that occurred in that time. Maybe I will document them as one off stories later on.

CJ and I started in pre-pandemic 2020 and I'm 67 years old, CJ was teenager going on 30. You will have to do the maths. But this story goes way back to the very beginning of my teenage years, and continues through until today. Any sexual activity took place with CJ was when she was over 18 there is no underage sex.

This is a long read for me and very difficult to write. Part of a healing process, even now. Some sex, not a lot. But a very important part of my life.

Extracts from John Keats -- Ode to a Nightingale.

The Ambulance duly arrived and I ended up in the Lyell McEwin Hospital. Still not sure what was really happening to me. I waited, I fell asleep then waited some more. As is the norm for hospitals.

After a very brief discussion with a doctor, I once again fell asleep or became unconscious and while I was unconscious they had given me a thorough examination. The wound on my head wasn't that bad, so I thought, but the Emergency Department doctor wanted a specialist to come have a look.

I fell unconscious. But I thought I heard them talking to me. Wake up, don't fall asleep Roberta. They were running. Then quiet. A bright light, a masked man, a face mask and nothing.

It was touch and go unbeknown to me, it was decided that I would go straight to surgery and there after I would stay in the hospitals Head Trauma (HT) ward. Of course what didn't help was, whenever I was awake I kept saying I didn't remember what had happened. But even after the beating she gave me, I couldn't turn my back on my mother. Something that I wasn't able to do for the rest of her life.

When I awoke, or thought I was awake, I tried to talk but couldn't. Or was it all a dream? I slept the sleep of the damned. Vivid violent dreams, of being kicked, of being punched. Hitting my head. Oh my head.

When I first arrived in the HT ward the Matron once gain asked me all of the same questions I was asked when I arrived at the hospital.

What was my name?

Did I know where I was?

What's your Name?

How old are you, what's your age?

Do you know where you live, what's your address?

Are you married or do you live at home?

What's your phone number?

Was there anyone I wanted to notify?

The list of names that ran through my head, hurt me. Margaret, my sweet pretty Margaret. Yes she is who I wanted to be by my side, right now. Where did she live? My eyes began to hurt, I closed them, I cried, I couldn't remember Margaret's address, oh how I tried.

I tried to speak but couldn't. Then blackness once more.

Lee and Peta in .... Oh where did they live? Oh god, why didn't I pay more attention. Of course, Macca, I knew her address. So it was Macca that ended up my sole 'notification' I did ask them not to bother with my mum and dad, but my best friend should be told. Her name was ..... What was her name? I can see her face, I know her, and I know where she lives. I just couldn't remember.

I wanted to scream when I woke up, but nothing came out.

Not once did Paul come to mind.

The Matron was a kindly soul, she held my hand softly and patted the back of my hand, gently, soothingly. "It will be alright," she said. "In time it will all come back to you. Your friends and family will know where to find you."

"Rest Roberta and we will talk again when you wake." The Matron said. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep. This time dreams I had were beautiful. Margaret, oh my sweet Margaret, in fields of green, of swaying flowers, hand in hand, a warm bright sunlight, coming and going, butterflies of rainbow colours filled the sky, of cooling breezes that made me quiver. Sweet kisses of honey.

'And haply the Queen-Moon is on her throne,

Cluster'd around by all her starry Fays;

But here there is no light,

Save what from heaven is with the breezes blown

Through verdurous glooms and winding mossy ways.'

Birds loudly singing, dogs barking out orders. Then dreams of dark thunderous rain clouds and harsh winds, sweeping everything away. Cold dark nights, freezing hands patting my arm. It was then that my Margret disappeared, my arms couldn't move, the bright lights in my eyes coming and going. A needle in my arm and the dreaming stopped, the noises stopped. Just sleep, darkness, empty, a soulless dreamless sleep.

So cold.

I heard noises, but couldn't open my eyes, I wanted to, I wanted to sit up a say "I'm here, I'm alright." But nothing would work. The images in my mind were of people in white, rushing here and rushing there, men looking over me. Touching me, not in an intimate way but talking into my face, asking me questions, feeling my head. And then nothing once again. Just my sleep, quiet, dark, dreamless sleep.

Sweet voices were speaking to me, asking me to wake up, and begging me to wake up. I felt a hand in mine squeezing it, someone kissing my hand. Words whispered into my ear. "My Mistress, please don't leave me." Then darkness once more. Quiet, silence, words of poetry from far away.

'Past the near meadows, over the still stream,

Up the hill-side; and now 'tis buried deep

In the next valley-glades:

Was it a vision, or a waking dream?

Fled is that music:--Do I wake or sleep?'

Like a roller coaster, I was almost awake then I was fast asleep.

It was recorded as 14:32 on Wednesday 17th June 1970 that I officially woke up.

I lay there in a semi darkened room, my eyes weren't quite open, I couldn't see anyone. I heard a noise as an angel appeared before me. I tried to speak but couldn't. I was gagging. She was a nurse, Snr Nurse Rachel Moody. She smiled and told me not to panic as the tubes were helping me breath.

She looked at me and said the strangest thing. "Welcome back." She was holding my hand, smiling at me. "You are a hell of a fighter Miss Reynolds." She leaned in close to me and whispered, "Margaret is one lucky girl." She winked at me and pressed the alarm that brought every man and his dog running to my bedside, almost immediately.

Doctors of all shapes and sizes appeared out of nowhere, all standing around my bed, smiling and nodding. They stood aside as a senior doctor approached, and came up to me, held my wrist, feeling my pulse it seems.

"Well, good to see you awake young lady, you gave us quite a scare you know."

I tried to smile, it would have been a weak one. He looked into my eyes with one of those pen torches, spoke over his shoulder to the doctor behind him, I didn't get what he said, but they both smiled.

He turned back to me. "Now here comes the hard part Roberta, your recovery." He waved his arm around, "All these young men and young ladies, will want to ask you many, many questions. Some, 90% of the questions will be repeated ad nauseam, but they are all very necessary. So please be gently with them. Nurse Moody and Matron will organize your visitors for you." Turning to them he stated. "Not too many and for only a short time at first, 20 minutes no more."

"You will take a short while to fully wake up, but don't let that worry you. You are over the hard part."

He pulled the Matron to one side and talked quietly to her while watching me. Smiling.

Many of the young doctors stayed and were talking amongst themselves until one stepped forward and asked how I was feeling?

I smiled, but I couldn't reply. The tube down my throat, taped to my cheek. He then told me that the tube will stay in place for a little while longer, it is helping me breath, the other tubes that were going into and coming out of me will be removed day by day over the next week or so.

As I slowly wake up and come off some of the many different medications, my body would slowly return to normal.

He held my hand, introduced himself as Doctor Bruce Lenten, who was responsible for my general welfare. So any questions I had he would deal with. He then told me that had been asleep for a long time. A very long time.

"Can you move your hands at all? " He asked.

My hands were laying on top of the blankets, and I moved my fingers, one at a time.

"That's good, do you think you could hold a pencil?" Was his next question.

I tried to nod, but couldn't move my head enough to indicate that I would try.

He asked for one of the other doctors to stay and monitor body movements over the next 24 hours.

"No visitors, just yet. Let's get her stabilized and comfortable first." The Doctor stated in a commanding tone. Then turning to me, he told me that

"Nurse Moody would be here if I needed anything."

Again I tried to smile and almost gagged.

I laid back into my pillow and wondered what had happened. I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and opened my eyes. Nurse Moody was there with her clip board. A doctor was standing at the foot of the bed, reading one of the many charts there.

"Good morning sleepy head." She said with a warm smile and a cheeky grin. I tried to say something but couldn't.

"I know'" she said, "and here is the good news, we are taking the tube out of your throat in a minute, you still won't be able to talk, but we can then give you some water slowly, to help you get back to normal."

The young Doctor at the end of the bed, gave some instructions that I didn't understand. Rachel who still had her hand on my shoulder, rubbing it, soothing me, then turned to me and told me that I feel a little cold shot in the back of my hand, and will nod off for a short while.

"I know, we are crazy this way, we wake you up just to give you a shot to put you back to sleep. This time when you wake up the tube will be gone and half of these machines as well."

She then leaned down and whispered to me. "We need to make up a list on who you want to see first, and maybe who you don't want to see at all. No hurry, we'll take it one small step at a time."

They were the last things I heard until I was woken again. This time the tube from my throat had been withdrawn.

My throat hurt and I was told by the Matron to just sip the ice water through a straw.

"No hurry Roberta, take it as slowly as you would like. Tomorrow the Doctor will allow you your first visitors." I looked at her, she smiled. I have a list of people who have either phoned us about you, or have called in to see you."

She pulled up a chair and sat closer to the bed. "This is how we will do it, immediate family you can have up to 4 at one time, close personal friends likewise. No parties." She said as she smiled at me.

"Your fiancée, we can arrange for you to have some alone time."

I croaked out the words "No fiancée, not engaged."

"Oh" said Matron, "a Mr. Paul King came in nearly every day that first week or so, and even now rings us every day. Well he describes himself as your fiancée. Wishful thinking maybe?"

I slowly shook my head.

"OK well, I don't want anyone upsetting you, so we can put him at the bottom of the list shall we?" It was more a statement than a question.

"Now your friends, Lady Lenore Fitzgibbon and your friend Beatrice Potter." She looked at me quizzically "Is that her real name?" I nodded and smiled. "You know they insisted on coming in to see you, spent way too much time in here reading to you. Keats I think she told me, your favourite poet."

Was it a dream I had? Did I actually hear them with me during those darkest moments?

'My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains

My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,

Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains

My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,

Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains'

That Sunday afternoon came flooding back. I twitched, and moaned silently.

"Are you ok?' asked Matron. I smiled. And still my voice was croaky, and raspy when I replied "Yes."

"Well those two and a Miss Margaret Rutledge and Alison Mac Kenzie, also came in very often. Those two are very 'colourful' characters aren't they?"

She continued. "Then there is your family of course, your father and your brothers, called daily, your mother came in a couple of times, but she was feeling poorly whenever your father came by."

"As of tomorrow Roberta, you can have these people in to see you, but no more than four at a time and only for 20 minutes at a time." Matron then stood up and looked down at me. Can I assume you want to see these people?"

I laid back into my pillow once again, closed my eyes and thought. Who did I really want to see?

Then just nodded ever so slightly.

"Matron" I called to her, as she was leaving, "my family, just 20 minutes." It was more begging, than a question, my voice was still red raw and sore.

She looked back at me with a sadness in her eyes, "not a second more."

Nurse Rachel Moody was my savior when it came to visitors, she came to see the strained dynamics of my family. She didn't understand it but saw how they affected me. That family was a mirage. The one I thought was so strong, so secure. It turned out to be anything but. She ensured that when they came they didn't 'tire' me at all.

My recovery was slow. The family were the only ones Matron allowed for the first two weeks. My mother came just once in that time. She had been feeling poorly my father told me. The word 'guilt' came to my mind. My brothers were distant, and no matter what my father said to me, it just lacked conviction.

It was a further week when Rachel came in one day with a bunch of fresh flowers. A wicked smile on her face, and told me I had a special visitor. It was out of visiting hours, but she thought Matron wouldn't mind. Gave me the flowers to smell, unfortunately my sense of smell hadn't returned by then. I smiled said thank you and read the note.

'To my Mistress, I miss you so. M xx'

My eyes lit up and a smile appeared, the first one in ages. Rachel pulled the curtains around my bed, took the flowers from me, told me she would find a vase, and let Margaret enter the ward.

"Oh my Mistress, you look so wonderful." As she rushed to my bedside, hugged me, kissed me deeply and with a passion and loving feel to it, a caring kiss. Tears streaming down her face, "Fibber I told her." Hugged her back and kissed her so.

She looked down at me, and continued crying, "Why the tears Mags?" I asked with concern in my voice. Which had now returned to normal.

"We thought we had lost you, they said it was touch and go for a short while." She said. The sadness in her voice was self-evident of the love she was developing for me. Although it was lost on me at that time.

"It will take more than a bump on the head to keep me down." I jokingly replied.

The squeeze of my hand asked me not to be so flippant with her heart. I look back into her eyes and gazed, just gazed for what seemed like hours but were mere seconds. I too realised that something special was happening between us. More than just the sex we shared.

She held onto my hand smiling all the while. "You know Mistress Lee was very upset with you on that Wednesday night when you didn't show up for dinner. Well she was until Macca told her what had happened."

"Oh and how did Macca explain my absence?" I asked as I raised my eye brows.

"She told us you fell over and knocked your head on something and was in hospital." She explained.

The quizzical look on my face must have told a different story "Really, I wonder who told her that?"

"She said your dad told her. Why, what really happened?" She was a lot smarter than I gave her credit for.

"That's for another time." I told her.

Nurse Rachel reappeared at the foot of the bed, and with her customary smiley face told me I had other visitors waiting. Margaret started to move, but my hand wouldn't let her go. The look on her face was both wonderful and calm, as she squeezed it back, but tried to once again get go. I held on to her.

"No. You stay my love." I couldn't believe I said that out loud and the fear in Margret's eyes showed me I might have erred.

"Who is it Rachel?" I asked politely while not missing a beat, still not letting go of Mags hand.

"A Mr Paul King, Lady Fitzgibbon, A Beatrice Potter, and Ali" She told us.

Both Mags and I looked at her and said at the same time "ALI, is it now?"

She blushed.

Margaret turned to me and with a knowing smile and laugh said "Talk about give a girl an inch." We both laughed together.

Rachel stood at the foot of the bed and glared lovingly in our direction. "Honestly, you two have wicked minds."

We laughed again. I was feeling much better after that exchange.

"Paul I will have to see on my own, maybe later. But Lee and Peta yes, and A L I," the name sang out as it lingered, "right away."

"Do you want me to send Paul away?" She asked almost sympathetically.

"I don't know. What should I do?" I pleaded.

No answer came from either of them. "Maybe if he came back tomorrow I will 'be well enough' to see him then?" I shrugged.

Rachel smiled and nodded, "He is use to popping in and being turned away."

Before she left she pulled the curtains around my bed shutting off the view from any other visitors. Leaving me with Margaret. I pulled her to me, I fondled her chest and she sighed.

"Mistress, are you well enough for such things?" She asked with a sparkle in her eyes. I took her hand and encouraged her to explore for herself under the covers, she did so, without hesitation, and went straight to my core, which was less than fresh, my legs parted as her fingers found my button, and she entered me immediately. She kissed me as I rested my hand on her knee. My breathing was labored now, as I felt my first climax in months racing to a conclusion. Margaret thrust a second finger into me and that did it. I shook, I held my hand over my mouth so as not to scream out loudly that I was over the top of my mountain. Even with Mags sitting on the bed she bent down still with her fingers inside of me, wiggled them, and hugged my neck. I kissed her.

"You are my Mistress and my Mistress always comes first, in everything I do." She whispered to me. I whispered back, "it has been forever since I have heard anyone say that to me and now I need to feel you, quickly, before the others come in."

She quickly sat up, got off the bed, took off her knickers, wiped her fingers on them, handed them to me, I held them to my nose and hid them under my bed gown. She then stood close to the bed holding up her short mini skirt for me to see and feel my most prized procession.

I wanted to kiss and taste her but heard noises walking towards the wardroom from down the corridor. A sound like a wild herd of brumbies galloping over unbroken ground in the high country.

Margaret asked with her eyes if she could become 'respectable' before our visitors came. I smiled and nodded to her. She stood back, straighten her skirt and sat on the edge of the bed. While we still held hands. We did present a semblance of respectability.

Lee, Peta and Macca, waltz into the ward and around the curtains as one. Smiles all round as one by one they came over and hugged me and kissed me. Only Macca was the one who kissed me on both cheeks. Both Lee and Peta, kissed me passionately, unashamedly, openly on my mouth. Peta held onto my hand while pointing to a chair for Margaret to sit in. Macca stood quietly next to Lee. I noticed too that she was wearing a very nice and unusual looking necklace.