Danni has a Theory 01

Danni has a theory 01

Hi, on any given weekend you will find it somewhat appropriate to call me Danni instead of Danny and I like it that way. And along those same lines, on any given weekend, you will find me preaching certain rock-solid theories to anyone who will listen, which actually means I force my theories onto my roomie, Carli. And even though Carli basically lives to hear my theories, I usually reserve them until Saturday mornings over breakfast, which to all of you and myself is actually about Noon with a lunch meal.

Also, on any given weekend, like most Friday nights, the roomie hosts a small pre club night mixer at our house to get her and her crew warmed up and ready for several hours of dancing at one of the local clubs. I have a theory about how there are cocktails involved with each Friday night of dancing, but I don't go all "Danni" on them because they have a designated driver (Adam) and also because I came to an agreement with Carli that I would limit my theory preaching.

It seems that if I overload her Saturday morning (hungover) brain with too many of my ridiculous and outlandish theories, her left arm begins to shake and convulse, so I live up to my side of our agreement and choose my battles wisely to get the most out of each theory I lay on her at the breakfast (lunch) table.

So, my story could be any given Friday night or Saturday morning, but before I begin, let me clean up a few loose ends. First, I have no theory whatsoever as to why the roomie mumbles under her breath something about "ground hog day" every Saturday morning. Secondly, I never go to the clubs with them because I don't want to get punched in the face just because I wear the other gender of clothing nor do I want to find myself in the club's Men Room being used as someone's own personal form of stress relief. And thirdly, well, I have a theory as to why I spend most Friday nights being awkwardly silent while the club crew preps for a night out, but as I already mentioned, I'm being mindful of how many theories I throw out there into the wind at any given time, so I'll hold onto that for now.

"Carli, I know you're a little hungover and extremely tired from all the dancing you did at the club, but you know my knees will buckle if I don't tell you my theories of the weekend on why you always insist on hosting pre club night mixers here at the house on Friday nights."

"Ugh, Danni, is this your "Saturday morning theory" about how things become awkwardly silent for you during the pre-club night mixer's and it feels like you're trapped in an endless loop of time-space travel because you're warp jumping from one worm hole to the next worm hole so much that it actually seems to make time stand still when I have a few of my friends over before we head out to club for a while on Friday evenings? By the way, what time is it? Like 7am?"

"Well, if you're going to stand so close behind me in the kitchen that you can over hear me mumbling under my breath as I make you a grilled cheese sandwich and rehearse my theory speeches, then you could at least poke me in the ribs to let me know that you're there. Besides, you know I always have a backup theory, so have a seat at the kitchen table. And it's Noon, Carli."

"Hold up roomie, we already agreed that you would stop with all the unproven theories just as soon as you overloaded my brain with them and it makes my left are shake and convulse. I mean, look at me, will you? I can feel the tremors building up in my fingers."

"And that's just your body still shaking from the club dancing, so that doesn't count. Besides, I said I would back off "when" your arm shook uncontrollably and you seem to be eating your grill cheese sandwich just fine, so shut it. And don't even try to hide that your friend Julia spent the night here last night. I'm over all that and in my mind, I have settled on the theory that Julia is too tired and buzzed to drive home after yet another Friday night of exhausting dancing in the clubs. Or in other words, just another one of my many theories that can only be known as the truth."

Hey, she's hungover and hungry, so I'm going to win this one, right?

"Well Danni, you can't claim it as a theory if you searched for drunk posts on social media, but I will give you the win if you tell me your undisputed theory about how and why your awkwardly silent moments with Adam at the pre-club night mixers have seemed to be falling off. I mean, my theory is that you have finally realized that he wants to fuck you hard, even though he knows you're a guy who wears female clothing. So, roomie, what's your theory about that?"

Oops, let me take a break here, not that I'm taking a break because Carli caught me off guard with that theory or anything, but because I feel it's important to let you all know that nothing has ever happened between Adam and I unless "awkwardly silent moments" are considered a thing. But Carli has a little something to do with that because she puts a piece of duct tape over my mouth on Friday nights to keep me from boring her crew with relentlessly boring theories as they prep themselves for a night of fun and dancing.

And resume with the presence of Julia exiting Carli's bedroom and entering the kitchen, which supports my theory that awkward moments that come from getting caught off guard are best handled by a third party to change the subject (and change it quick).

"OMG, enough of the theories between you two already. You guys could wake the dead. Anyways, what time is it? Like 7am? And by the way Danni, would you be a sweetheart and call up to the club and ask them if I left my legs behind? I'm whipped. Ooh, and I'm hungry too, just like Carli was a few moments ago. Come here Danni and trade me a quick peck kiss on the lips for a ham and cheese breakfast sandwich. And shut it Carli, he is not my roommate, so I can make such trades with your cute little fem boy roomie."

"Ugh, clubbers! With smashed potato chips in the middle, Julia?"

"OMFG, my sweet little fem boy is getting a swipe of my tongue too! And pucker your lips like I showed you late last night when I caught you peeping on the crew while we were having our nightcaps here after the clubs closed."

"WHAT? You kissed my roomie good night, Julia? And you taught him how?"

"Relax Carli, I caught Danni peeping on us when I went to use the bathroom and he seemed to have his eye on Adam, so I just showed your cute little fem boy roomie how to pucker his lips when he finally caves in and kisses Adam's dick. I mean, how to get the game started anyways. Well, it was my theory anyways on how to get things started."

"What? Danni! You swore to me that you always fall asleep before we get back from the club and now, I hear that you're peeping and theorizing how you're going to finally sneak Adam into your bedroom?"

"Well, wait, what? Wait, you're just trying to change the subject because you know I have a few more real Saturday morning theories, so let me get back on track and bring up my theory about how Carli left last night in her kitty kat dress and why Julia was wearing it when everyone arrived back here for the usual nightcaps! I mean, I'm theorizing that happened because I'm always fast asleep when the crew arrives back here for nightcaps. So, if my theory is correct, just how does that happen, Carli?"

"Oh, I would theorize that happens just about the same way as, you know Danni, just what the hell happened between Adam and you after Julia showed you how to pucker kiss his dick?"

Oops, pause for thought regrouping please.

"Anyways girls, I'll leave the two of you to enjoy your lunches and to nurse your hangovers now. I'll just be in my bedroom prepping myself for next weekend's valid theories."

Now, to be clear, all that happened between Adam and myself after I caught his attention and lured him into the hallway was that he finally uncrossed his arms from across his chest and I only placed one hand on my hip, but we kept our normal hallway width distance. I mean, he did say that my ponytail made him want to fuck me even harder than hard, but my theory is that compared to the uncrossing of his arms, that seemed like step 23 or something.

End Danni has a theory 01