Danny Ray

I hurried home after work and showered and douched, just in case. I fixed a quick pasta salad and had some steaks ready to grill when the doorbell rang.

"Come in," I yelled from the kitchen. Bonnie took off and greeted Danny at the door. "Good girl. Nice to see that someone in this house still likes me," Danny said to the dog. He meandered into the kitchen and took me by the waist and spun me around into a hug and a kiss.

I started to cry as he held me. "I am so sorry, Danny. I don't hate you. I said horrible things to you last night and I didn't mean any of them," I said.

"Ssshhh," he whispered in my ear. "It's okay baby. Why don't you pour a nice stiff drink of Jack and tell me what the fuck was going on last night?" he had a big, stupid grin on his face.

"How could he be so forgiving?" I thought, "He stays so calm and commanding. I'm a mess and he just remains stalwart."

I poured us each a high ball. Danny was leaning back against the kitchen counter and I leaned into him, kissed him and took a big gulp of whiskey.

"I was being an idiot last night. I was nervous anyway, anticipating what might happen and then you were flirting with the waitress. I thought, 'I can't compete with a set of tits.' I was jealous. Then I thought that maybe I had misjudged and that you weren't really gay at all."

"Christ, Ethan, I was flirting, I didn't want to fuck her," Danny said with a laugh, "I told you I'm gay. I told you I want you. What more evidence do you want? She knew we were gay, we were holding hands for God's sake."

"I told you I was being an idiot," I swallowed the last of my Jack, but it didn't help. I started to weep uncontrollably into Danny's shirt collar. He was hugging me and kissing head and trying to calm me.

"You sure are a high tension guy. There's no need to apologize. I'm just glad you called and invited me over to talk. I'm actually flattered that you were jealous. It shows that you like me," he brushed my tears from my cheeks with this thumbs.

"What say, I get the steaks on the grill and you set the table. You okay baby?" he whispered in my ear and he kissed my cheek.

"I'm fine. Thank you Danny. I...I...love you," I whispered back.

"I love you to Ethan," he said.

Dinner was perfect. It was like nothing had happened between us, only it had. We had confirmed our love for each other. After dinner, we cleaned up and moved to the deck in the warm summer breeze. I poured us each another Jack. Vino veritas -- in wine, truth. Alcohol loosens the lips and the truth is revealed.

"Ethan," Danny started slowly, "I haven't been totally forthright with you and I need to come clean before we can go into this relationship openly and truthfully."

"Oh shit," I thought, "conversations that start out this way never end up well. Maybe I was right, maybe he really isn't gay."

"That day I saw you at the Canyon Club and you called me Danny Ray, I corrected you and told you that Danny Ray was dead. That's because it hurt me hearing someone call me that again. On my first tour of duty in Afghanistan, I met a guy -- Jace Reynolds. He was your age. Anyway, one night on patrol, I could resist. I had finally come to terms with being gay. DADT was still in place in the military and so I was careful not to say or do anything to jeopardize my service. I found myself face to face with him and I kissed him. I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't stop myself. But, he kissed me back. Soon enough we found ways to be together. He was the only one in the platoon to call me Danny Ray. I had told him about you in high school and that you called me Danny Ray. I fell in love with him."

Danny continued and sipped his whiskey as he talked, "Soon enough his tour ended and he went home. I knew he was married, but I had hopes that once he was back, we could be together. A few months went by and I didn't hear from him. I racked it up to a one time fling for him, but then he returned on a second tour so I re-upped. We were inseparable when we going out on patrol with others in the platoon. He told me that he loved me and that when we got back state side he was going to divorce his wife so that we could be together."

Danny stood up and walked into the kitchen to pour himself another stiff one. When he returned, his jaws were clenched and the corners of his mouth were turned down. He didn't look at me. He was looking into his glass as he would swirl the whiskey around before taking a gulp.

"On night, I made sure we were out on perimeter patrol together. It was pitch black out. There was no moonshine and we couldn't use flashlights or we would draw fire from the Talaban forces. We were several yards away from the perimeter fence when the gunfire started. We ran to fall into a foxhole. My adrenaline was pumping and I was high on excitement and fear. The tracer bullets pierced the darkness and I was firing back. I knew that Jace was by my side and I leaned over and pulled his face to mine and kissed him, deeply. But I tasted blood. It was his blood. I spit and spit again as I pulled back and saw nothing in his eyes. His body wasn't moving. He had been shot. He was dead and Danny Ray died with him. I laid there in that foxhole with him until light of day allowed my men to move his body. That was the last time I saw him. He was sent back stateside in a flag draped casket for his wife to bury."

I didn't say a word and moved my chair next to Danny and hugged him and kissed his head. I had no idea the kind of pain he must was have gone through. "I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered. He still hadn't shed a tear and I was worried that he was keeping this bottled up.

But Danny continued, "After I got home, I drove up to Denver where his wife lived. I had to find out where she had buried him and I needed to pay my respects. I showed up at her doorstep. She was a little put off, but invited me in. I found out that when Jace had gone home after his first tour of duty, she had gotten pregnant and had given birth to a baby girl. I was shocked to say the least. She did tell me where the body had been laid to rest and as I was leaving she handed me two envelopes addressed to her. "These are for you. I don't want them around here anymore. To many bad memories," she said as we parted.

"I didn't read the letters until I got back to my motel. The first letter was dated the month he came back for his second tour of duty. He told her that he was leaving her and he wanted a divorce. He said that he had met man and had fallen in love. He didn't even bother to mention my name. Jace was proclaiming his love for me but ashamed to write my name in a letter." Danny just shook his head in amazement and took a big gulp of whiskey.

"The second letter was sent about month before he was killed. He denied everything, told her that it was big misunderstanding and that he wasn't in love with a dude for God's sake, just a breakdown during the stress of war. Jace said he didn't know she was pregnant until her last letter and he would never leave her or his baby," Danny stopped. That was that.

"I know first hand how you felt last night. You felt betrayed. I understand that...better than most," he hung his head. "I would never do that to you. I want you to know how much, how deeply, I love you and that you can trust me with your heart."

"I do know that Danny," I said rubbing the back of his neck as I hugged him close to me.

"Please call me Danny Ray, Ethan. I would like you to do that for me. I didn't die after all. My heart got tromped on by a pair of marine boots, but I didn't die. I'm glad I lived or I wouldn't be here with you."

"Oh, Danny Ray, I love you so much," I started crying again, but still he hadn't shed a tear and now I knew why. He wasn't sad. He was glad to be relieved of being held hostage in an untrue love. I could give him the love and companionship he needed.

EPILOGUE:

A week went by after Danny Ray's revelation. I was standing behind the counter at the shop. Danny Ray came shuffling in, hands in his pockets. "We have an appointment at 11:00 a.m.," he said.

I looked up at him with a questioning look on my face. "At the clinic," he said with a motion of his head for me to leave with him. "Dad, I need to leave for a while. Come up front for me please?"

I knew what this was about and I was excited. Excited and scared. I knew I was clean and Danny Ray told me that he was clean, but we needed to be safe. The test was simple and the little prick didn't hurt too much. We went to lunch and talked about everything except what we were doing, the big step we were about to take. Finally, Danny Ray's phone buzzed and the clinic told him the results were in. We rushed back to the clinic like teenagers eager to have sex for the first time. In actuality that is exactly what was going to happen.

We sat in the doctor's office side by side holding hands. "You are both negative for STD's and HIV/AIDS," he announced unceremoniously. I think both of us were finally able to let out the breath we had been holding in.

Danny leaned over and gave me a quick kiss and we were back to work. I was nervous all day thinking about what was about to happen. We were actually, finally, going to make love. The months of longing and anticipation had arrived.

The night was perfect. Danny Ray took control, dominating me in a way that told me he loved me, leading me to what I needed, what I wanted. It was sensual and erotic, but it wasn't just about the feelings of lust between the two of us. I was vulnerable but so was he, maybe more so having been spurned after the fact by an uncaring lover.

We explored every part of each other, kissing, licking, hugging, and rolling around on the bed in delirium. He rolled me onto my back as he braced himself with his strong arms over me. He's eyes were glued to mine. Tender wanting eyes, pierced my soul. He grabbed a pillow and stuck it behind the small of my back to raise my rump. As he kissed me, his hands were busy preparing me. I willingly spread me legs and let his fingers do their magic, exploring me in my most intimate places. When he finally penetrated me, I felt complete. My head flew back against the mattress. My vision went black, and then stars, fireworks, blinding light. He was calm, blowing warm breaths across my neck and chest. "Relax, breathe baby," he crooned softly as he slowly took me -- took total control of me. He was the perfect top to my bottom. We fit together like puzzle pieces. He brought to us to that uncontrolled place of no return and both toppled over the ledge together, simultaneously. Without a barrier between us, he filled me and marked me forever as his. Rolling me over on to my side, we faced each other kissing and hugging until our impulses took over once more to take that free fall of ecstasy.

It was nice waking up next to the man I loved. We showered and made our way to work. That afternoon, I got a text from Danny Ray: DINNER 7:30 I'LL PICK U UP. I was in love and that only made my day better. As we locked up the gates to the shop, my dad said, "See you at dinner tonight?"

"Oh, I won't be over, Danny Ray and I are going out," I answered.

"So are we," he said, "Danny caught me in the shop yesterday after you two went to lunch. We had a little talk and he invited your mother and me to go to dinner with you two."

"That's cool. I guess," I was stammering. My dad had a big grin on his face. My mind wandered, "I knew Danny Ray and my dad got along really well and my mom loved him. They both were glad that Danny Ray and I were boyfriends, but I really didn't expect him to be inviting them to go to dinner with us."

Next text from Danny Ray on my way home: DRESS NICE

"Hum, what's up," I thought, but I was blissfully lost in thinking of last night. I took Bonnie out for a short walk and fed her some kibble. I played ball with her in the back yard for a while before finally getting showered and dressed for my date with Danny Ray. Oh, and my folks.

Danny picked me up at 7:30 as promised. I felt a little underdressed since he was wearing a white shirt and tie. He was so handsome. I got lost in his hug and kisses, but he ushered me out to the black Charger and held my hand as he opened my door for me.

He took me to the Double Eagle, one of the most expensive places in Las Cruces. My mom and dad were just parking as Danny Ray helped me out of his car. We held hands and chatted with my folks as we were seated at our reserved table. Danny Ray and my father pulled out the chairs for me and my mother. Gentlemen. I noticed that there was big bouquet of yellow roses on our table and looked around the restaurant and noticed none of the other tables were so adorned. I was beginning to suspect something was up. "What's up with the roses?" I said looking at Danny Ray and then at my parents who were all smiling.

"They are for you Ethan," Danny Ray answered.

Then I saw the card. I pulled it from the long stems and read it: Ethan, I love more than anything, signed Danny Ray.

I wanted to cry, but I fought back the tears. Danny had dropped to my side on one knee and I knew what was coming next and my eyes began to water. He pulled a small box from his pocket and opened it up to reveal a gold band with three diamonds across. My hand went to my mouth. I was in shock.

He reached for my left hand and held it in front of us. "Ethan Parker will you do me the honor of marrying me?" he said with a huge fucking smile on his face.

"Oh fuck," slipped from my mouth. "I mean, yes, Danny Ray, I will marry you."

He slipped the ring on my finger and kissed me. The tables around us erupted in applause and cat calls. My father was beaming and my mother was also crying. It couldn't have been more romantic.

After Danny Ray was seated and I was over my shock and surprise, we had our dinner. Dad told me that Danny Ray had asked him for permission to marry me the previous week and he and my mom had readily agreed that we should be together.

That weekend, we moved Danny Ray's things to my house, now our house. I was putting boxes in the back of the truck, Barbara, Danny Ray's sister, called me over, "I want to ask you something. I can't talk to Danny about this cause he'll just get pissed. The baby daddy is out of rehab. He called me this morning." There was a long silence. "He was high. He just got out and he was high. I don't ever wanna see that fucker again." She started to cry. "I ain't gonna marry him and sure as hell don't want him to see the baby. He didn't even ask about it. He just wanted me to come over and get high with him."

"You aren't..." I started to say.

"Oh fuck no. I want this baby to be perfect and I ain't doin nothing to hurt him," she assured me.

"But...I want...Shit, there is no way to ask this without sounding like a fucking cunt," she said. Her cursing stung me. I wasn't used to women using that kind of language. "Okay, so here's the deal, I want you and Danny Ray to adopt my baby and raise him like your own. I see how you are with each other and I can't think of anybody that I would rather see do this for me. I can barely take care of my self, let alone a baby."

You could have knocked me over with a feather. "Don't say anymore Barbara," I said, "I need Danny Ray here with me when you ask something like that." She hesitated, fearing what her brother might say.

"Danny Ray," I called out.

"Yo, babe," he said coming over and pulling off his leather gloves.

"Barbara has something to ask us and I don't want you say a word until she's done," I admonished.

He gave me that look. "I know how you get. So just listen to her. This is really important," I said.

Barbara hesitated and I put my arm around her for support. "Go ahead," I urged "tt'll b fine," I tried to calm her.

She started by reiterating what she had told me about the baby daddy using again and then started with the big question. "Would you and Ethan?" she stopped, "I can't think of anybody better." She stopped again. She seemed to gather all her strength, "I want you and Ethan to adopt the baby." There it was out.

The look on Danny Ray's face was priceless. A huge smile appeared and he grabbed his sister and hugged her tight. "Sorry, sorry," he said, "didn't mean to squeeze the little one." He patted her belly softly. He let out a whoop and holler and took me by the waist and whirled me around.

"A baby, Ethan. We're gonna have a baby," he said laughing and carrying on.

"I guess that mean's yes," Barbara said looking at me filled with delight. Her stress seemed to melt away.

"Thank you Barbara. This is the best wedding gift you could ever give us -- the gift of a family. I promise we will make sure he gets everything he needs and you will always be a part of his life. But will it be okay if we have him call you Aunt Barbara until he is old enough to tell him that you are his mother."

"Sure, I guess. That's fine with me. I'm so happy that I can do this for you two," she said with a kiss to my cheek.

Danny Ray was moved in and we were living life as a couple. He was great with Bonnie and she loved having extra attention. We had Barbara over every Sunday for dinner, just to check on her and make sure she had everything she needed. She was staying clean and sober and was attending her Pediatrician appointments, eating well, and exercising. I went with her as her coach for the birthing classes. I wasn't sure I was ready to see a woman give birth, but it was going to be our son that she was birthing, so I had to suck it up.

Sharon and my mom were planning our wedding and helping set up the nursery. It seemed that Danny Ray and I were just an afterthought with the women of the family. We were there to make choices and write checks, which was fine with us. Neither of us had the skills to do those jobs.

We signed up with Planned Parenthood in Las Cruses for a Parenting of New a Born class. That was definitely a good idea, since neither one of us had a clue how to handle a baby. This was going to be a challenge. Danny Ray and I decided that when we married he would take my last name, Parker, and we would adopt the baby with that name as well. We also picked out a name for him, Austin Daniel Parker. A nice solid name.

April came fast and our mom's made sure we were ready. The wedding took place in the First Congregational Church in Las Cruces. It was a small, private gathering mostly our parent's friends and a few of the guys that Danny Ray worked with and Jim from the shop. It was just people we knew would be comfortable coming to the marriage of two men. Everything was very traditional, except for the bride, of course.

"Do you Ethan Parker take Daniel Ray Suarez as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish above all others, till death do you part?"

"I do," I heard myself say as I slipped a ring on Danny Ray's finger.

"And do you Daniel Ray Suarez take Ethan Parker as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish above all others, till death do you part?"

"I do," Daddy Ray said as he stared into my eyes, now filling with tears of joy. I held out my hand and he slipped the ring into place.

The Wedding March playing on the big pipe organ at the end was a little much, but hey, they are our mothers. The reception that our parents gave us was fun and exciting and exhausting. Danny Ray and I were able to dance together in public and I felt free. Barbara was large and getting larger. I danced with my mother, and my father even gave dancing with Danny Ray a try.

After the party was over, Danny Ray, as always, escorted me to my truck (okay our truck) with his hand in the small of my back. I was truly in love and truly happy and from the look on Danny Ray's face, so was he.