Estranged Twins try to Reconcile

A one-scene, one-act play. All participants are 18+ and all characters fictional.

I don't understand it. I'm Joel, a part of a twin set with Julie as the other book end. Of course, I understand that we are twins but don't understand how we became so estranged.

We grew up as close as twins could ever be. We were best friends, protectors and confidants from the time we were in grade school. There wasn't anything we couldn't talk about with each other nor anything we wouldn't do for the other.

We were each other's first fumbling kiss at 10 years old that left us asking what all the hubbub was all about.

We lost our virginities at 18 in connecting rooms after the senior prom. We admitted that it wouldn't have happened if the other wasn't doing the same thing. Somehow, it didn't seem to cross our minds that maybe we should have done it with each other, instead of surrogates. Well, maybe it did in later years. OK, so it certainly did cross MY mind little later.

All through high school, our circle of friends had a big overlap. She had more female friends and I had more male friends but the disparity wasn't great. By common consent, we dated outside of the non-overlapping friends. That wasn't difficult for either of us. Julie started high school at 5'3" and slender. Fair sized boobs and a nice ass. She graduated at 5'4" with really nice boobs. Easily C-cup, 34. I wasn't very tall, 5'9", and kept my weight at or just below 165. I was on the wrestling team the entire high school years. Made all-state in my senior years. Physical features, I was very similar to Julie.

Other than size and sex, we were remarkably similar: dirty-blond hair and blue eyes. Mine were sort of standard blue while her eyes were so blue that when you looked into them you'd think you were looking into the Marianas Trench - which you could fall into and never hit bottom. You'd go a long way just to see her smile. The only thing that stopped her from being a perfect 10 was her nose was a little larger than the common metric required. Of course, my nose was similar, with the addition of it being a little crooked from having been broken one too many times. Didn't make too much difference to me because I wasn't close to a perfect ten, or nine or even seven.

After graduating from high school, we went to an out-of-state university. Since we were freshmen we were required to live in the dorms for the first year. Through some fancy foot work we ended up in the same cluster - her room just down one door and across the hall.

She majored in zoology and I majored in biochemistry. I made the wrestling team as a walk on - no scholarship, though.

So, here we were again - close neighbors and having many of the same classes. So, of course, we frequently studied together and went out. We didn't call them "dates", though.

One Friday, halfway through the first semester, we finished up studying for a calculus exam. "Joel, you want to go bowling?"

"Sure. We haven't been in while."

"Before we go, can I ask you a question?"

"Always. You know that."

"Why are we going out together on a Friday night instead of going out on dates?"

"Julie, I really hadn't given that much thought. We do go out some with others so it's not as if we're social outcasts."

"Maybe we've hung with each other our whole lives and we've just got used to it, like old married couples?"

"Likely. So?"

"Where are we going with the rest of our lives then? I mean, I don't think we're going to get married and raise a family. How are we going to meet our future wife/husband if we're always together?"

"Aren't we jumping the gun a bit? We're just freshmen with at least three more years of college before we graduate. Don't know about you but I don't plan on getting married before then."

"Well, I don't either but the pool of eligible significant others is pretty large here and we aren't sampling it much."

"True. So what are you suggesting? That we separate our rooms next semester? That we don't get an apartment together next year?"

"No, I'm happy with our current arrangement and maybe a common dwelling next year. How about we make a concerted effort to expand our contacts?"

"So, Julie, what you're suggesting is that we act like boyfriend/girlfriend that tell each other they need some space but don't actually break up? That it?"

"Close. We're still twins and that won't ever change. Just not be as close."

"But we're not boyfriend/girlfriend with its sexual component. We're twins and you're my best friend, as well. I'd really, really miss my best friend if we're kind of breaking up. I can understand wanting to expand our social circle but if it comes with losing my best friend...I think it's a very poor tradeoff."

"Joel, that's not what I want either. Not having you around would be awful. That's not what I want, at all...Just, let's try to make new friends and open up dating. OK?"

"All right. I'm not sure how we will work this but OK."

She gives me a kiss on the cheek.

Inside, I'm anything but settled. I've never given much thought to our relationship. It just WAS. Nineteen years is a long time to become used to another person. How do we change that overnight or even slowly over a few weeks?

Maybe she's right that we need to open up. I've never really considered what happens when we graduate. I guess I just assumed that we'd magically find partners and live happily ever after. What will become of us? It's difficult enough to consider losing your best friend but your twin?

I felt we've burned a bridge. Or maybe two bridges: one behind and one in front. Can't help feeling that we've lost that closeness in just a couple of words and never again will we be as comfortable with each other as we were before.

We did make an effort to start dating around. Of course, it was easier for her, as beautiful as she was. Once men got the idea that she was unattached and unencumbered (by me, I assume), she was a very hot item. Seldom was she around on Friday or Saturday nights. Dating scores were five for her and one for me. I just enjoyed when she was around, namely during the week and before exams.

She seemed happy. That was all I could hope for. Because we seemed to have lost the closeness, she didn't talk much about her social life. When she asked about my social life, it seemed perfunctory, without any real interest.

We did keep living together. The next three years saw us sharing a three-bedroom apartment. We added another roommate, Cheri, to help with expenses. She was majoring in chemistry. She's the same age as Julie and me.

Cheri was the direct opposite of Julie. She was a tall, thin redhead. Cute but certainly not beautiful like Julie. Very small chest - she could easily go without a bra, and often did. At first, I had very little attraction or interest in her. Maybe a holdover from her parents. She came out of her shell over the first few months of living with us.

Very quiet, almost no social life. She's our first cousin and we all seemed compatible. Growing up, there wasn't a lot of contact between our parents and Cheri's, so we only met her a few times. Cheri's parents are strict born-again and our parents were, in their eyes, black sheep. So, little contact.

Because of the differences in Julie's and my social lives, Cheri and I were often together on weekend nights. We were drifting into a friends-relationship, much like I used to have with Julie. That really hurt to say that: "used to have with Julie." I didn't try to deny that Julie and I were no longer best friends. We were still twins but I no longer knew what that meant. Guess that meant that I wasn't uncomfortable with her going out all the time, like I was when we started all this crap. I also couldn't deny that I had sexual feeling for Julie, as much as I suppressed those thoughts. She was still exceptionally beautiful.

Anyway, Cheri and I moved closer together as our college career was coming to an end. We never dated or entered into anything in the apartment. Not sure if was just not to shit in your nest or that Cheri and I really had no physical attraction for each other. OK, we probably could have ended up in bed if either one of use had made a concerted effort but we were much more comfortable as friends. We could carry on with things like her asking me to show her some wrestling holds. We both knew we were flirting but nothing serious was intended.

Although some things seemed to go by quickly and other things to pass with glacier slowness, we finally ended up taking our last final exams. That was the unavoidable breaking of the "Fellowship". Julie was going to graduate school at the University of Washington. Cheri and I were joining a major pharmaceutical company on the east coast. We ended up in different divisions but at the same building. We also ended up sharing a two-bedroom condo.

Not much changed in Cheri's and my relationship. We were still just good friends. We went out with other people and occasionally with each other. We never got beyond a goodnight kiss. All this might seem sterile but we really enjoyed each other's company, it's just that we didn't seem to love each other.

We kept in touch with Julie by phone, text and video call. It gradually got longer between contacts. She just seemed to stop replying. The drifting apart that started in our freshman year just kept expanding.

Both Cheri and I were very good at our jobs and were given several promotions and raises. After about four years at the company, we were sitting in the living room. I got a beep on my phone to announce an incoming video call from Julie. Since it had been almost six months since we last heard from her, both Cheri and I were excited to hear from her. The call popped up and I put her on speaker.

"Julie, hi from both of us."

"Yes, hi." Cheri put in.

"Hi yourselves, guys. How's things?"

"Not bad. We enjoy work and the pleasant surroundings. Yourself?"

"I just finished defending my Ph.D. dissertation and am now officially Dr. Julie Parsons."

"Yes! Congratulations! Congratulations!" I shout.

Cheri echoes the same sentiments.

"So, now what?" I ask.

"Starting next week, I've got a postdoc at the University of Miami studying sea urchins."

"Sea urchins? Those spiny things that crawl around the reefs?"

"That's them."

"OK. How's life treating you otherwise? Married yet?"

She hesitates a little. "Life's fine. Not married or engaged...How about you? And you, Cheri?"

Cheri answers for both of us. "We're still friends who still share a condo. Nothing's changed. Neither has a significant other."

There's quiet from both ends. Somehow, Cheri and I just seem to be living together in a world mainly composed of work. Neither of us is complaining, though. Julie doesn't seem to want to expand on what she's been up to.

"Well, it was good talking to you both."

"Congratulation, once again."

This ended about three minutes of twin communication.

When she signed off, Cheri and I just looked at each other, not sure what to say. "Joel, what's happened to you and Julie? When I first met you two she was clearly your best friend and confidant. You would sit together for hours talking about everything under the Sun. Now all you could manage was three minutes?"

"Cheri, I need to take a walk. We'll continue this when I get back. OK? I just need to think a bit."

"Of course. I'll be here."

It was a nice warm evening, so I didn't need more than putting on my shoes before going out. I asked myself what HAD happened between Julie and me? All I know is that we drifted apart and were really no longer twins or even friends. I'm not mad at her, nor do I think she's mad at me. It's just we don't exist in each other's world. Did we simply over saturate our closeness in the first 19 years? I walked maybe a half an hour before returning. No conclusions, only more questions.

I began "Cheri, we've been friends for more than eight years. I've grown to trust you and really like you. You're a great person.

You also know that I don't love you the way you should be loved. Pretty sure that you also don't love me, either."

"Joel, we both know that's true and will probably never change. Not that I want it to, as I'm very happy with our relationship and don't want it to change. I enjoy your company."

"Cheri, I don't either, so that's off the boards...OK, here's my version of the twin-saga.

"Halfway through our first freshman semester, Julie felt we were spending too much time together and needed to expand our social circle. That was it. Whatever had made us best friends for all those years disappeared in a few sentences. As you saw, we were still twins and friends but you never saw us before when we were really best of friends who would do anything for the other."

"But you were still close. I could still see you cared for each other. If you'll forgive me for being blunt, it was obvious that you had a much deeper attachment to her than she did to you."

"It was obvious? Thought I hid it well, especially from Julie."

"Maybe you did hide it from her. She wasn't all that interested in your feelings, so it's probably she didn't have a clue about that...If you'll forgive me for still being blunt, I think there's a part of you that loves and misses her and that missing piece prevents you from loving anybody else."

Wow, did that hit home! "Guess I'll always be a bit in love with her - for all the difference it makes. Cheri, you are truly a friend that anyone would be grateful to have. I just wish I could love you."

"Joel, don't beat yourself up about that. I don't love you either. You're like the brother I never had and I want to keep it that way. OK?"

"Thank you. Thank you...Now how about I take you out for dinner?"

"Sounds like a winner."

In another year, we get an email telling us she's been hired as an assistant professor at Tulane University. She didn't even ask how we were doing. In the next years Cheri and I get Christmas emails from Julie. I get a birthday text.

As a matter of fact Cheri and I were doing great. We were making enough money that our taxes were high because we didn't have any deductions. So, we bought a four-bedroom house with a swimming pool.

One Friday evening, by some chance I got stood up. Cheri took one look at her date standing in the door, obviously drunk, to end that. We decided to have a few refreshments. After a couple of bottles of wine, we started to get friendlier. We kissed a few times. It felt good but not exactly right. Cheri pulled back "Joel, I'd like nothing better than to become friends with benefits but it wouldn't work. We might last a few months but we'd soon no longer be friends. You see?" She had a few tears but she was right.

"Unfortunately, I think so, too. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy kissing you and hopefully, we can continue to enjoy that."

She smiled. "Think that's possible but no hands!"

We seemed to have survived that crises.

We heard nothing further from Julie for another few years.

Then I was invited to be a speaker at a conference in New Orleans. Since Tulane is located in NO, I looked up Julie's email address in the faculty directory. Still Parsons but many women keep their maiden name in academics, so doesn't mean anything. Sent her a text to say that I'd be in NO in three weeks and would she like to get together for, say, dinner?

Got a reply the next day saying yes. The hotel advertises a five star restaurant on the top floor, so ask if that's OK with her. She says that it's a bit pricey. Told her I wasn't an underpaid academic and was on an expense account, so it doesn't matter. Made reservations. Meet in the hotel lobby at 6?

The days passed slowly. Couldn't believe how anxious I was. It was my twin, so it shouldn't have been so potentially stressful. It was, though. I hadn't seen her in ten years and knew exactly nothing about her since we graduated. From her picture on her faculty page, she looked the same. Probably wouldn't be difficult to recognize her. I'm sure she would recognize me, in any event, as I still workout in the gym and am within two pounds of my wrestling days.

Cheri was a god-send. She kept telling me it would be OK. Don't worry. Everything'll be fine...

Wish I could believe her.

I flew down to NO and checked into my room. Since the company wants its executives to comfortable, I had a nice suite.

I felt like I was in a stage play. One of those that has a single act where the actors gather in a single room where all the action takes place. There's nothing outside of that room although some characters go in and out. Julie and I were on stage, in a room. Nothing else mattered.

At a quarter of six, I was waiting in the lobby. When she appeared, she was indeed still very beautiful. My heart gave a lurch and I had to swallow a couple of times before I went over to her. Those blue, blue eyes...

She put out her hand to shake but I pulled her into a hug. "You're just going to shake hands with your twin brother that you haven't seen in 10 years?"

She looked a little embarrassed when she stepped back. Don't know if it was because of just wanting to shake hands or from being hugged in public.

"God, it's good to see you, Julie. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too, Joel." That wasn't said with the enthusiasm that I told her. It's been a long time and it's been fourteen years since we were close. Think I was feeling a little disappointed. One thing for sure was...What? Siblings? Friends? For sure, it was painful.

I submerged all my feelings and doubts and walked her to the elevators. We kept us a very non-intimate series of questions, like, what we were doing. Since our parents were divorced way back when we were still in school and neither of them had much interest in us, that avenue of discussion was closed.

The maître d' showed us to our table. I asked "Something to drink?"

"Yes, please. Red wine."

I asked the waitress for suggestions. She named a good French. Had her bring the full bottle, as we'd have it for dinner (assuming she didn't want fish).

"Cheers!" We saluted each other and took a sip. "Very nice."

We let an uncomfortable few minutes pass, sipping the wine.

I started. "How has life been treating you these days?"

"I enjoy being a professor. Research and teaching. It's good to see their faces when they understand what I talking about. Uplifting. Makes me feel like I'm doing some good."

"Not sure I understand. Understand you feeling good about enlighten students but don't you feel you're uplifting in everything you're doing? Research? Helping an old lady across the street?"

That brings a smile and a little light in the blue depth of her eyes. And hopefully, a more open door into her.

"Research is fun. One hopes that it will be useful to the world but in any event you have to keep plugging away."

"What about in other things? I don't see a wedding ring, so you probably aren't married. Boyfriend?"

"Isn't that a little personal?"

"I don't think so. If I'd ask if you were getting laid, that'd be personal. I'm curious, that's all. Especially since the reason we put distance between our closeness was to expand our social lives...You know that I'm not married and only live with Cheri as a friend...By the way, she sends greetings."

"No, I'm not married. Was almost engaged a little while ago. We were together for three years before he decided I was a little too dedicated to my job."

"Publish or perish? I can understand him being uneasy but not to the extent of packing his bags."

I could see was getting irritated. "Sorry, I'll quit prying."

That seemed to mollifier her. "That's OK. It's still a bit of a sore point but you had no way of knowing."

"We have different pressures, other than "publish or perish" and industry doesn't require you to give up your social life to advance."