Falling and Flying

"Yes, so?" Tears were streaming down his cheeks. His emotions were unchecked and about to get away from him. He was so despairing to find some way out of the mess that he was ready to listen.

"What if I already had a child out of wedlock at that moment we met? You said yourself that anything we did before we met wasn't each other's business. So my already having a child would have done what?-would that have kept you from loving me?-from wanting to marry me?-would you have changed anything from that moment until right now?"

"Yes, I would have walked away four months ago after you dropped the bomb on me about going on your 'endless summer' with your fuck buddies. I was a naïve, foolish young man then, but I'm growing up in a hurry!"

Bristol broke down and collapsed to the floor babbling incoherently. Somewhere in the gibberish, David heard, "I know you still love me. I know you do."

"Yes, Bristol, I still love you, and I probably always will, but we are done. The pain you have caused me will also never die." He wasn't angry, he wasn't disappointed, he was simply defeated as he stomped heavily out the front door of his ex future mother-in-law's cottage. He forced himself not to look back for fear he would cave in.

"He's gone Mommy, he left me." Bristol could barely get the words out as she was beyond hysterical.

"Yes baby, I know. I heard the door slam."

"Why Mommy, why, why, why... did he leave me? He was the perfect man for me. We were perfect together."

"First off, honey, I doubt that any one man would ever be perfect for you." She knew a lot more about her daughter's lifestyle than David did. Holly was holding Bristol in her lap like she did when she was a little girl. Holly was certain that Bristol had never really told David the full extent of her sexual experiences.

"What do you mean? I never loved anyone else like I love David! I told him about my need for other men until we were married and he told me he understood and would try."

"Yes honey but saying he understood it might be a bit of an overstatement. Tolerant might be more accurate. Plus you like sex way too much, and the male gender in general, so a statement that you would be faithful for the rest of your life...well let's just call that dubious. On the other hand, I truly do believe that you love him. It's just...

Holly was interrupted by Bristol's blubbering.

"Secondly, and more importantly, you never told him your wild oats this summer would include another man impregnating you. I think you're being unreasonable to expect a man like David to raise another's child. He wants his own family too much. He wants children so badly. He told me all about your shared dream of a whole brood of kids and how much meaning that would give both of your lives." Was her daughter really that obtuse?

Bristol was inconsolable now, her body wracked in convulsions, and she was sobbing uncontrollably. Holly became concerned that she would have to call 911. All she could think to do was hold her tightly while rocking her while whispering in Bristol's ear. "Shush now baby, Mommy is here for you. Everything is going to be ok baby. Shhh, I love you baby."

Holly didn't really think it would be ok. She loved David like he was her own son, but she wasn't a young woman caught up in a new romance like her daughter. Her daughter was a slut. She was a loveable one, but a slut none the less and she and David, that was an odd couple if there ever was one. Only fools believed that love would conquer all.

She knew Bristol was asking too much of David. But, she was her daughter so she would help her get through this somehow. It had always just been the two of them before David and they would find a way. Still she was shedding tears too. Some for Bristol's pain but mostly for David, an innocent young man caught up in a situation far beyond his years and life experiences to cope with it. It was obvious that David adored Bristol. His torment would have an effect on him for the rest of his life. In a way, Holly was more worried about him than her own daughter.

On Bristol's part, she truly didn't understand David's point of view. He clearly knew that she loved him unconditionally. Why did he have so much trouble separating the physical sex from the love part? She wasn't sure she could go on with her life without David in it. Yes she was just that obtuse.

NINE YEARS LATER:

David was distracted by a complex work problem as he sat, quietly studying his laptop, hoping for an inspiration that had so far eluded him. He was sipping his favorite coffee drink. It really wasn't a 'drink' per se. It was just coffee, black, which was his favorite coffee drink; he was far too pragmatic a man to indulge in the various exotic concoctions served here. His thoughts were sharply interrupted.

"Hello David."

He recognized the voice before she completed the second syllable of her 'hello.' And it still had the same effect on him as it did all those years ago. His pulse quickened, his face flushed, and he had trouble breathing normally. He immediately thought back to the few months after they split up. It was a painful time period. Before he hit bottom he experienced many of the same emotional and physical responses that he felt when he met her. He thought that odd. It's funny how falling feels like flying, for a little while. He couldn't remember where he heard it, but he now understood what it meant.

He rose to his feet to greet her, and while he tried not to, a sizeable smile broke across his face. "Bristol, oh gosh, my...what a surprise..."

There was an uncomfortable pause as neither of them quite knew what to say next. David wasn't sure there was really anything left to say between them. That wasn't the case with Bristol. She had a lot to say. As soon as she saw him sitting at the table she vowed to herself that she would do whatever it took to have him back in her life; even if it was only as a friend.

"Is it all right if I sit with you for a couple of minutes David?"

That shook his being back to consciousness. "Certainly, I'm sorry for being rude. I was... well I'm just so surprised. It's been so long." He was so flustered he almost missed his seat while directing her to sit across from him. It caused his chair to make a god-awful screeching sound as it skidded across the stained concrete floor. It was loud enough for every face in the place to turn towards him. Just great, he always loved being the center of attention and he went beet red.

He saw Bristol give a knowing smile at witnessing his familiar discomfort around her. She still found it endearing. It pissed him off though, and it clearly showed on his face. After all, he wasn't the same kid he was almost ten years ago, was he?

Always the intuitive one, "I'm sorry David, it was just the, I was just remembering how much I missed your tendencies. I didn't mean anything by it."

"I understand. I'm not the same kid Bristol. A lot of time has passed and much has changed. Would you like a drink?" He was still being short with her. He couldn't decide how he should feel, and the engineer in David didn't like things unsettled.

"Thanks, I have one coming, soon I hope?" And she glanced back hopefully at the crowded counter. "I thought you left the area I didn't know you were back. How long have you been in town?"

"Actually, it's been about five years since my company relocated me back here. How's your mom?" As soon as he said it he became embarrassed again. Thirty seconds from seeing the person who was the love of your life after nine years and, "How is your mom?" is what comes out of your mouth. God David, you are so smooth.

David finally had settled on being reflective so he relaxed. He instinctively knew Bristol was just curious about his life. He had to confess he was inquisitive about hers too.

"I've really missed your mom; she was always so good to me." His thoughts quickly returned to the last conversation he had with Holly. It was very emotional for both of them.

David had always appreciated the fact that after their breakup, Holly hadn't chosen sides, or told him he was making a mistake, or begged him to reconsider and stay with her. She had simply told him that she understood and asked him to stay in touch as she viewed him as the son she never had. She gave a rueful smile and was crying openly as she hugged him goodbye. Even though he promised to stay in touch, both knew that was the last they would see each other.

"She's good David, and she still misses you and the conversations the two of you had. You didn't need to disappear on her too."

"I know, and I feel bad, but...well it just hurt too much. I will have to look her up. In any case tell her I said hello, and that I miss her too."

"You should tell her that yourself." She kind of snapped at him, and then waved her hand as if to dismiss the thought. "I'm sorry David, I never wanted it to go the way it did. She smiled brightly and gazed at him impishly. "I'll behave, I promise. I just want to know what you've been doing over the last...what is it nine or ten years?"

"Nine years, seven months, and 13 days to be more accurate. That day was a seminal moment in my life."

Bristol was shocked and it clearly showed. "It didn't have to be like that. That was your call David." She spoke barely above a whisper.

David sighed. "Actually, yes, it did have to be that way. But, that's enough about that. It's ancient history now. So tell me, did you get the big family we...I mean you, wanted so desperately?"

"I did. I have four beautiful children. They're age's four to nine."

"And their father?" He had a feeling he knew the answer even before he asked.

"Never in the picture. As you know, the first one was an accident, but the others, well I planned them, but they each came from different fathers. And no, none of them know about it."

Now it was David's turn to be dumbfounded. "Why would you do that? It must have been quite a burden to raise them by yourself. Wow, I'm not sure what to say?"

"There was only one man I wanted to be the father of my children, but he, well he didn't want, well I mean, I did him wrong and he left." She was crying softly. "Besides, my mom loves being a grandma, and she has helped tremendously."

David laughed as he remembered that Holly was broken-hearted by David's leaving, but she was very excited about becoming a grandmother. "I'll just bet she does."

There was another uncomfortable silence that was fortunately interrupted by the pretty young barista in her coffee stained green smock bringing Bristol her drink. It appeared to be quite a concoction.

"Good grief, Bristol, what is in that thing? Is there any coffee in it at all?" Despite the tension of their meeting, he was slipping back into the familiar banter they had enjoyed all those years ago. He noticed she still had an annoying habit of texting someone while talking to another. He thought it rude but wasn't sure if he felt that way only because he couldn't do it and stay focused on both parties.

She just laughed and stuck her tongue out at him. But she did put her phone away because she remembered how it annoyed David. Then she grew pensive.

"David, I have to ask you a serious question. If I hadn't gotten pregnant over that summer break, would we be married, and would you be the father of my children?"

"...That's a really good question; it's one I don't have a definitive answer for. My guess is yes, we would have married, but I don't think we would have lasted long." He paused thoughtfully. "I was never comfortable with your ah, outside interests. I was a young kid and so deeply in love with you. I guess I was hoping that showing my love for you would have been enough for you to give them up. Maybe it was all for the best?"

"Maybe it would have ended as you say David, but you never gave us a chance." She tried to maintain her composure. "I never felt anything for anyone like I did for you. I still love you. You have to sense that?"

"When I left, I told you I would always love you. And yes, I still think of you fondly, but there would have been other issues Bristol. Things change as we grow up. But yes, I do sense your feelings. That was never our problem." David spoke wistfully and with a profound sense of sadness that he shouldn't have had to experience until much later in life.

"But Bristol, and please don't be offended. How many different men are you seeing now?" He didn't say it with any rancor or spite. He was just trying to make his point. He noticed her cringe a little. "Honey, I still care for you, but I don't think we would have worked. Despite what you might be thinking, I am not nearly as naïve as I used to be. I grew out of that very quickly after we split.

"I understand but I still think we could have made it work."

The conversation was becoming uncomfortable and repetitive, so he tried to deflect. "So, any more kids in the future for you Bristol?"

"No, four is what I wanted, so after Britton, I had my tubes tied. "Christie, my first was the only accident, and you know what that did to my life. So no, no more."

"Christie?"

"Yes David, I named her after you...or at least after what we had together for such a short time. The time we were together was the most fulfilling period of my life."

"Bristol..."

She waved him off again. "Listen to me David; I'm not letting you back out of my life. I can tell you are enjoying our talk, but you are acting nervous so I'm worried that you can't wait to leave and disappear on me again. I won't let that happen! Even if it's only as a friend, I'm afraid you're stuck with me." She was giving him a hard stare as if daring him to argue.

"Well Bristol, I'm not saying it's the case, but how would you stop me?" He was smiling as he spoke.

"Because I've already told Mom that I ran into you, and she said you are coming to dinner tonight at six. She will make your favorite, lasagna. Oh yeah, and she told me if you don't show up, she will personally hunt you down and kill you. And, you are going to meet my kids. They are great little people; you'll love them." Bristol was beaming and very proud of herself as she said it.

David relaxed and laughed loudly, drawing looks from the room again. But he was oblivious this time.

"You know Bristol way back then, I almost made a deal with the devil. I was thinking that I would stay with you and raise your kid as my own if I could have your mom's lasagna once a week!" They both convulsed into laughter at that point. Not only were people looking at them anxiously, some were also moving slowly away from them. They probably were worried that with two individuals who quickly changed from tears to laughter so quickly, that they were probably better off putting as much distance from them as possible.

When they both calmed down, Bristol asked. "So David, what's your life story. I want to see pictures of your family." She saw him deflate and immediately realized she had made a mistake. "If you don't want to, I mean it's really none of my business...."

"It's ok, I was married once, but it ended in divorce. I transferred back here after the divorce."

"David, you don't have to..."

"No, I don't much like talking about that time... I'm not sure why but I want you to know."

He was quiet for a moment, lost in his thoughts. She was forcing some very bad memories to come to the surface. "I was lost for many months afterwards. I don't know how I finished school, but I did. About eighteen months or so after we broke up, I met a girl. We fell in love, but it wasn't like, well I didn't feel quite the same as, well anyway." His voice was breaking; he had to regain control of his emotions.

"We both wanted the same things, you know like you and I talked about before. I even explained what went wrong with you and me. She said that she was definitely a one-man girl, that I had no worries along those lines. Anyway, we planned our life and got married several months later."

"What happened?" Bristol was on the edge of her seat. She was genuinely curious but was also just beginning to understand the depth of what she had done to David back then.

"We bought a house, we immediately started trying to have kids but it wasn't working. After two years without success, we got ourselves tested."

"Oh my, don't tell me. Oh my god!"

"Yes, I was sterile. Probably from the car accident when I was a kid. Anyway, I told her we could adopt, that I loved her and we would make it work. She wanted to have pregnancies. She said it was part of the family experience. Having her own kids was an insurmountable problem for her. So we got divorced."

"That bitch!"

David gave a sardonic smile. "No, she wasn't. Our marriage was more like a business contract anyway. We had a common goal but when one party couldn't deliver, the contract was null and void. It was all very amicable. I understood..."

"Oh, I see." She interrupted. Bristol understood clearly now. "David I'm so sorry for what I did to us."

"It's ok. It worked out for her in the end. She found someone else that made her happy and they have two little girls. I still communicate with her. Guess what? She and her husband asked me to be the girls' godfather. I guess being a godfather is better than nothing, right?"

Bristol was crying softly. Her tears still upset him. "Don't cry honey, I guess our lives don't always turn out like we thought they would."

They talked for a little while longer, David filling her in on the more mundane aspects of the last decade of his life. David glanced at his watch. "Oh my, look at the time. I better get going if I'm going to make dinner at six. I assume Holly is still in the same cottage?"

"Oh yes. The kids and I still live with her. You know she loves her grandbabies to death. She dotes on them terribly."

"Wow, it must get crowded there. Her place isn't that big?"

"It works for now, but god help us when they are all teenagers!"

He had to get away to analyze his emotions. He jumped up. "I'll see you at six Bristol," and gave her a friendly hug.

"Not good enough honey." And she grabbed him, planted a smoking hot, knee-buckling kiss, on David's lips. She even tried to tickle his tonsils with her tongue. "That's just in case you have some lame idea that you aren't going to show up. Six O'clock sharp!" And she turned and did that thing with her hips that used to make him crazy.

That one kiss was all it took. He felt the same electricity coursing through him, every emotion, good and bad, hammered at him remembering how he felt all those years ago. How is it possible for her to still have the same effect on me? For one brief moment, he thought about running for cover, but then remembered he wouldn't get his lasagna. He chuckled softly and headed for home. For the first time in a long time, he was looking forward to something.

It's funny how falling feels like flying for a little while.

He wasn't disappointed. After Holly saw him as he was being led in the door by Bristol, she not so gently pushed her daughter out of the way and tried to squeeze the life out of David. They all had a wonderful evening, and Holly's lasagna was even better than David remembered.

The kids had spaghetti, except for Christie, she was old enough to enjoy the lasagna. The three younger kids got spaghetti with red sauce. It was just how they liked it, with nothing green in it. There isn't anything quite as entertaining as young kids eating spaghetti.

Bristol was right, her kids were amazing and they took right to David. They were very comfortable pulling him in every direction to show him their world. He was more than happy to accommodate them too. Kids had always been naturally drawn to him. David always said it was because they could relate on the same intellectual level then he would laugh at himself.