All Comments on 'Heather's Virgin'

a dumb ass, what's a man his age save himself for? true love? I don't feel sorry for him he should have fucked her in the first month they met

. . . have no problem with the idea, but you shifted so often and quickly that it made it too jarring for this story. You’d have done better by making them longer, and not worried about keeping the time line precisely chronological.

More time and description could have been invested in how Gerald and Heather were developing their feelings. The real divergence seemed to me that Gerald was developing a sense of love faster than lust, while in Heather the sense of lust overtook love, which was why she bedded Dominic. Still, that was what I inferred, because you didn’t actually write it. Heather was still in lust with Dominic through to the end, but I never got the impression she was in love with him.

Sometimes it happens that way, that people who are supposed the be growing in love grow in different directions. This had the potential to be a really good story, more of a failed romance than just Heather losing her virginity, but it needed more length and depth of detail and feelings.

Please don't write any more

What a depressing piece of literature.

However if you choose to continue it, make sure the bitch gets cheated on by her boyfriend, contracts herpes and a strain of VD of your choice. Make sure that her contraception fails her, rendering her pregnant. Then have him breakup with her, causing her to run out of her apartment and into the path of a bus, where she is hit by the bus and becomes paralyzed from the waist down. Have her request that she meet Gerald for coffee, hoping to reunite. He shows up with a stone cold fox girlfriend after he and the girlfriend both lost their virgin cards together. After the selfish bitch is thoroughly and comprehensively devastated, both Gerald and his GF walk away laughing.

Karma is a female pup!

A gentle, sad, technically well-written story. The odd typo, but nothing major. The shifting perspectives was swift, it's true, but for what this is, a short vignette, it's fine.

In terms of the plot, however, it's difficult to understand how Heather went from being in love with her sweet virgin boy, to lusting after the first hunk she meets. The implication is that Heather is as deep as a spilled pool of hot sauce, and imo, Gerald is definitely better off without someone so easily swayed by a hot body, and deserves someone who'll nurture and appreciate his nature.

True love doesn't run off the second a man shows his abs. True love ties you down, teases you until you're helpless and moaning, fucks you however she wants to, then leaves you feeling small and loved and protected.

What I suspect (and it's only a suspicion) is that you might want to explore next is moving more towards dominant female/submissive male, with a little gentle humiliation and denial thrown in. I think you could write this well, in a way that people of a like mind will be able to appreciate. Perhaps posting in fetish would work well for you there.

Ignore the whiny men-children in the comments who bitch about anything that doesn't have a man dominating the hell out of a woman, because of their own sad life experiences and fragile egos. Not every story has to cater to the tiny throbbing penises of the burn-the-bitch crowd.

Keep going. You have support.