Hijinks

Chapter 1

Amelia Hart sat swirling her coffee by hand rotation, fuming and wondering what sentence she would receive from a Court should she kick her husband savagely in nuts, only to have the Arsehole complain to the police about her alleged inhuman behaviour...

Burton yawned, watching his wife and thinking she was preparing to bitch about something.

The couple were in a party of ten tourists under the care of a guide/driver on Day Two of a 350-mile 'Roughing it' exploration circuit past the Blue Mountains beyond Sydney. The choice of travelling by bus was a compromise after her husband had bitched that he had no intention of driving into New South Wales rural wilderness and getting lost if their vehicle's GPS system broke down or lost signal.

The tour included a night hotel stay in Dubbo, where her grandfather had been born and camping one night on farmland where his father had been a stockman.

Two minutes after Burton's thought about an on-coming bitching session, it was vented.

"You disappointed and humiliated me by fucking our guide/driver last night."

Burton looked behind him, pretending he was looking for someone she was addressing.

"Arsehole, look this way, I'm talking to you."

"Oh sorry," he said in his best chivalrous voice. "I saw no connection between your outburst and me."

"Liar, I saw her under the camp shower obviously washing away semen."

Burton had no idea what washing away semen could be so obvious in the dark but decided he should make a token confession and that might calm her a bit. He'd had a great time last evening banging the slim and lovely boobed Lulu, and having her banging him belly-to-belly in absolute passion until his ability to ejaculate had him running on empty.

"All right, you relentless sleuth. I admit to being sucked off, but that's definitely it," he lied. "Because of my marriage vows to you, I avoid seeking penetration of any other woman."

"Hah-hah, and you expected me to believe that."

"Yes, considering you are a reasonable woman."

She spluttered and said as a reasonable woman, she couldn't image any other woman being sexually satisfied from just sucking his penis and he definitely would be driven by passion to go for more, much more."

"You would have come in her vagina and then rolled her over to go for her anally, I know you."

"No way, Lulu is the daughter of husband and wife missionaries."

"Meaning?"

"Well, I guess that means she was brought up to adopt a high standard of ethical behaviour."

Amelia snorted, "That's an unbelievable lie, total bullshit as Australians say. Own up that you fucked her and perhaps I'll lay off you a bit."

"I find that unnecessary and it would be a lie. Her flimsy dressing gown fell open accidentally and I saw her tits before she had time to cover them again. She apologized profusely and I complained that had given me a boner. She said sorry, and asked was that sufficient an apology."

"I said no, unzip me and suck it."

"She cried oh yes because she hadn't had a cock in her hand for 12 weeks and swooped on to me and sucked until I filled her mouth with semen. She swallowed and so there was nothing on her body from me for her to shower away later. It must have been another guy after me who gave her the full works."

"Who?"

"I have no idea. Why don't you ask Lulu in the morning to confirm my story and reveal who the mystery man was but be aware."

"Be aware of what?"

"She'll probably ask when did you and I last have sex?"

"Why would she ask that?"

"Because I gave her such a huge load to swallow that she asked when did I last have a release and I said about a month ago, that you were heavily involved in an affair with one of your girlfriends and that had left me stranded."

"Omigod, I didn't know you'd become aware of Judy and me being involved in hijinks."

"Oh Amelia, hijinks, what a wonderful sanitized name to describe two women sucking through each other's pussy hair while sinking fingers anally."

She almost vomited when hearing that hard-hearted wording bereft of emotion as he brutally attempted to denigrate the passionate embracing that she and Judy engaged in, with fingers, lips and tongues working to stimulate their highly sensitive parts until they flooded forth in climaxes.

She groaned in despair, thinking she was married to an insensitive coot who apparently only received as much enjoyment from sinking into her welcoming vagina as he probably would when masturbating, alone into the bathroom hand-basin and then leaving the results without bothering to flush away the muck.

To her amazement, Burton then indicated an interest in her secret sexual life.

"This Judy Miles, is she a screamer like you?"

The pig, attempting to curb her freedom to vent her emotions when having sex in any manner she chose whereas he just grunted. Yes, he was a pig."

"I'm surprised you're interested. My friends don't usually appeal to you."

"Judy has a swell looking body."

"You mean big tits, don't you?"

"Yeah, a good guess."

"That was no guess, Bozo. Would you like me to try to set her up for you?"

Amelia gaped in disbelief. What on earth had made she say that?

"Are you for real?" her husband asked, appearing anxious to hear the reply.

"Why this sudden interest in Judy?"

"What? Oh, one of the boys claimed at the local pub last week that there are to 10 randy women in our street in Melbourne who meet once a week for coffee, and when the couple of religious ones depart, the others shed their gear and engage in twos and threes on the carpet. He asserted you and Judy are the top performers, especially when Judy had up to half her wrist into you and yet you struggle to get even your smallest finger buried into her anally."

"Omigod, that will be loud-mouth Betty Holden talking to loud-mouth Barry, her husband."

"You said that, not me," Burton leered.

To avoid her husband pressing for more information about the Castor Street Coven, Amelia was forced to force a change in conversation.

"Well, do you want me to capture Judy's interest in having a night with you?"

Burton, completely diverted, scoffed, "You won't be able to make that work; she doesn't appear to like me."

"Well that's understandable Burton but she may overlook that when I tell her you have a large dick. Dan's dick is small and she struggles to keep it in."

"How do you know that?" he said, suspiciously.

"Judy and I see a lot of each other, and we have to talk about something fresh each time we meet."

"Oh. Did you tell your female lover that I had to allow you to measure my dick before you would accepting my engagement proposal, to ensure my dick was capable of being a reasonable fit in your vagina and capable of getting up near to your cervix to fire copiously in that area."

"Omigod, how disgusting. You can't remember clearly where you last left your car keys or when we last ate out at a decent restaurant. But you can precisely remember me pulling out a tape measure when we were parked for our usual grope-without-penetration session 15 years ago."

"Well some occasions are memorable."

"Meaning, you taking me out to a flash restaurant is not a memorable occasion?"

"I didn't say that, that's simply your interpretation," he told the Assistant Professor in Biology.

"God, little wonder most citizens regard lawyers as being slippery. Very well, I'll do my best to try to set Judy up for you."

"Thanks, but tell her not to bother unless she really intends to fuck me."

"Omigod, you are a pig, a rude and arrogant pig."

"Thanks babe, I enjoy your well-meaning compliments and probably you'll be rutting me in out tent tonight."

Chapter 2

Burton had just returned from Court in Melbourne after successfully defending a client-lawyer from conviction in a lower court for over-charging a prostitute for representing her on her first ever court appearance. Burton had argued that the judge in the lower court had wrongly refused to accept admission of evidence showing that the prostitute had stolen the lawyer's BMW when driving her back to his office after her Court appearance. He'd stopped to help a woman who'd been pulled out of her wheelchair by a homeless man who wanted to go for a short joy-ride.

The prostitute had driven less than 100 yards when she slammed the car into the rear of a refuse collection truck, inflecting serious damage to the car. The car was insured but the client had refused to pay as requested by her lawyer the $500 excess due before the insurance cover kicked in.

Burton produced evidence that the defendant had added $500 to the woman's bill for defending her and five months later, at the time of the appeal on overcharging was due to be heard, the account remained unpaid and details of five further refusals to pay were produced as updated evidence.

Burton sighed, thinking that all the Arseholes around these days were not all male.

His PA transferred a call through to him. "Bert, it's a Mrs Miles and she says it's a personal call."

"Hi Judy."

"Hi Bert (Usually only his wife, her mother and his mother called him Burton)."

"You're looking swell today Judy," he joked.

She laughed and said his wife alleged (which is when Burton operated the switch to make his phone line secure) that he wished to see her best friend nude.

"Oh really, and who is she?"

"Me, you silly sod."

"Oh, good one. Nude sounds good. Any limitation?"

"No, Amelia said you wished to have it all."

"How beautifully disgusting. When and where."

"Amelia checked your diary and this Saturday looks fine; you have nothing listed. She has managed to secure two late cancellation tickets for the ballet on Saturday and will take her mother to dinner after the ballet and will sleep the night at her mother's apartment. Your two children will be at their boarding schools, of course."

"Wow. Sounds great."

"Excellent and oh, we can't go out for dinner as we may be seen by my and my husband's friends, risking high-volatile speculation. I'll tell my husband that I'll be at the ballet with my mother and I will stay with her that night after a late restaurant meal. He'd rather slit a bicep rather than go to the ballet, so that takes care of everything."

"That all sounds good to me. Come over at 7.00 and I'll have the barbie fired up and a jug of Vodka Martinis ready for her ladyship and me."

"Great, have condoms on hand in case you wish to try backdoor. Bye, sweetie."

Burton shook his head in wonder. Apparently, he'd been elevated from arsehole to sweetie just because he wanted sex and probably had been told he wished to fiddle her awesome boobs. Well, he knew from experience that little was constant with women.

* * *

Judy arrived at 7.20 in a sexy brilliant red little dress and he leered, "Awesome."

She backed off from the front entrance and said nervously, "Bert, it has to be consensual sex all the way and no going over the top."

He soothed, "Of course, a kiss please."

The expertly applied kiss with no tonguing made Judy feel she was Cinderella. Wow, she felt a little damp already.

As they walked out on to the beautifully privately screened side patio beside the pool, he asked should they rip one off now.

Judy, thinking about their pool at home, a vinyl ugly 8ft-wide partly elevated eye-sore sticking out of the lawn, when he'd purred should they rip one off now?

Imaging she was being treated like a princess in a magnificent setting, she breathed oh yes, and turned to watch him pour her Martini.

Wrong, the bastard had sex on his mind. And she had consented!

Bert reached behind and unzipped her little red dress and smoothly, and with her hurried cooperation, pulled it over her head with one hand falling free to fall behind her back and the obviously skilled seducer had her bra off in astonishing speed, far faster than she ever could.

Amazing.

As she stood, mouth slightly open in shock, the sod stuck a thumb in her mouth to suck while he pounced and began slobbering over her expansive breasts, with her nipples erecting at the speed of lightening in apparent joy at receiving the wet and hot-breath touch of a snogging male.

Responding to the urges of being revved up, Judy felt the necessity to display some interest. She had grabbed at his crotch before she was half-way thinking about what it do.

She blinked.

He was more than a handful down there.

Omigod, she sizzled in delight. All of that for her and it wasn't erect yet fully erect! She weakened at the knees.

As if guessing what was happening to her, Burton slung an arm down low and pulled her against his groin while at the same time he dropped faking his attempts to eat her tits to begin tonguing her deeply.

Judy felt herself bursting on fire and acted appropriately. She began swinging her hips to grind against the mass that was his dick.

Awesome.

Chapter 3

Amelia arrived home at 7.45, looking sullen, to get their breakfast as Arsehole was being picked up at 9.00 to go harbour fishing. That is, if he was strong enough to lift more than a finger.

She wrinkled her nose as she entered from the rear of house smelling cooking.

What the fuck, had her best friend stayed to cook breakfast for the three of them? Wow, that took some nerve.

Amelia entered the kitchen to find the only occupant was her husband.

"Hi," he said, smiling expansively, wearing one of her aprons and cooking. But he never cooked.

"Hi," she said, wondering what the fuck?

Arsehole pulled her to too him by the top of her dress, cleverly hooking a finger inside her bra to take some of the pressure to avoid the dress being torn.

They kissed deeply and when pausing for a breather he said, "Judy is a great fuck with magnificent tits but I have to say, she can't waggle your arse like you do.

Amelia felt as she was floating toward the ceiling in delight.

He pushed her away gentle and said he needed to check the pancakes.

"I didn't know you could cook, other than on the outside griller."

"Oh, I found how to work the stove," Burton said, pointing to the open handbook. "Sausages and tomatoes are in the warming drawer and mixing stuff up for pancakes was a breeze."

He sped over with a cup of coffee for his wife and returned and begin dishing up.

"This is heaven," Amelia said, sipping machine coffee, relieved that her husband didn't appear bent on shacking up, as they say, with Judy. And she was about to learn more.

"Oh, something that you reject outright or perhaps it's something worth receiving careful consideration," Burton said carefully. "Judy says perhaps we three should get together in bed."

"Oh fantastic, when?" his wife gushed, obviously highly excited. "We both believe that our coven has run its course."

"You decide."

"We should meet here every Thursday for dinner at 7.00 and we'll guarantee to Judy that she gets home at 10.15, as Bridge finishes at 10.00 sharp as required by the church hall trust."

"Oh, haven't you attended Bridge Club regularly for a number of weeks, periodically?" Burton asked suspiciously.

"Oh, have I?" Amelia replied, blushing heavily. She said hurriedly, attempting an instant diversion, "Darling, could you play with my tits, I feel so excited thinking about our upcoming threesome."

The sucker hurried over to him, moaning he probably couldn't get a sustainable erection probably until that evening as it had been under enormous strain the previous evening.

"That's fine darling, I'll enjoy the attention that you are about to bestow on my breasts and while you are doing that, I'll be thinking about what to wear on the evening of our first threesome without having to think about what to serve for dinner because that evening you will be our barbecue chef."

"My pleasure," said Burton, as he pulled down the top of his wife's dress expertly and pulled her bra above her flawless small breasts and went to work on them that he regarded as an absolute pleasure, but to be carried out only occasionally.

The End