by adonlibere
First chapter was very good. This was more like an afterthought than a chapter 2. Concept is good, but it would be more effective with more involved development leading up to the climax.
I wouldn't even call this a chapter. A bit of a let down after the first one. Nowhere near enough content. There is so much more that could have been explored. Please rewrite it and re-submit.
I love the thought of Kelly, Marie and Olivia all howling away together. Such delicious imagery, especially the way Olivia is so slutty and just gets stuck in!
Loving this story, and now I know there are many chapters available I don’t mind the brevity of each one - it lets us get straight to the point!! Marvellous
A nice little story but needed a better transition from just walking in the front door and into a lesbian bedroom in the course of about five minutes.