by Parkerjay77
Very good start but more needs wrote. Love the story so far and hope there is more with his other 2 sisters, his mother and others.
You have a good story going so don't stop now. Get the other two sister's and Mom into the game.
Great start, i liked it a lot. Look forward to the next chaptor.
I can't wait to hear more about what nick does with his new found powers and as far as the minor and I stress the word " minor" gramatical errors WHO CARES. The most important thing is the story itself. I would ike to say this to all of the " grammar groupies " out there not all of us have spel check on call 24/7 LET IT GO and as yourself did you read it to enjoy the story or to take delight in correcting some1
really enjoyed the story, so i would advise that you carry on with this series! thought grammer and everything was fine!
Good, but extraordinarily difficult to read! Use quotation marks so we can tell where someone starts and stops speaking.
A terrific start. You've got to develope this idea. Keep it up!
When your story has people that are speaking, you need to enclose their speaking in quotation marks "that way readers will know when a character is speaking as opposed to thinking" he said.
Decent story, but for the grammar. Quotation marks at the least would be very much appreciated. And a once over before you actually post the chapter might be in order, too.
i agree with anon #1 it was good but u need to work on those quotation marks so we know what they r saying and what they r thinking
There is no GRAMMAR problem, the issue is punctuation. Keep it up, very enjoyable story, but I agree with the other comments that quotations marks would be very helpful.
As others have said, the punctuation needs work. It would not hurt to invest in a dictionary and look for an editor, as well.
"in the distance I saw a -steak- in the sky."
"Did that meteorite really give me -supper- powers?"
Here are some words to look up in that new dictionary:
streak - steak,
dinner - diner,
desert - dessert,
super - supper,
there - they're,
hopping - hoping,
compliment - complement,
stroking - stoking,
All that being said, I hope you do continue with this story. It seems far from over.
Hey I just found this story and loved it but really wanting to see what happens next. Will there be a part two in the future
I liked it but it was hard to tell which was thought and which was actual speak since there were no quotation marks.
Stopped just a few paragraphs in. Seemed to have potential, until the writer insisted on being a twat and never using quotation marks...
You have a good story that needs to be expanded like the fact they had him locked up and Scientists and Doctors of all descriptions were looking over him. Plus his buddies and any other Family besides his immediate family like Aunts,Cousins,etc.
i like to see an additional story to add more to this. like will he try to lay his other two sisters , maybe move back home to take care of all the women in is family. and will he bed that nurse too. the skys the limit. don't stop now. hope to see more from you. I liked it a lot but then im a little twisted I guess
"I was driving to work like any other regular day when I looked up and in the distance I saw a steak in the sky". Really.. a Steak?
What is the name of that Movie?
that's a rare car id give like 3k just to own one in crappy condition and restore it
quotation marks and do the math on the ages. I mean like really. I can forgive spelling errors but....wow lost my hard on.
Hope you write a lot more chapters on this one. A few very minor suggestions:
13 + 33 = 46 (the Mom's age)
Dinner is a meal you eat; diner is a place to eat food.
Supper is a meal you eat; super is a power you may want.
Great story, really. Keep it going!
I just found your story, and it's a great start. I wish you'd come back and finish it. Other than a few spelling and editing issues (using your instead of you're for instance) my biggest criticism is the lack of quotation marks. It makes it much harder to follow a conversation when they aren't used.
Seeing as the story is over 9 years old, I don't think we'll find out what happened with the rest of his family. Too bad. It was promising.
Learn what a quotation mark is and how to use it. Standard practice to denote speech in print since about 1700.
“What is a quotation mark?” He asked.
“It is a type of punctuation used to indicate dialogue,” Bob responded.
This was a very good story however why would you not continue it? I would have loved reading about the other sisters getting fucked as well. And fucking your mom is always a must as I have done in real life since I have no sisters. Fucking her was the best fuck of my life.
Contractions, apostrophes, and quotation marks. Those are the things that are holding you back. Otherwise, great story.