I Don't Like Violence - Ch. 01

I Don't Like Violence So I Put All My Stat Points Into Charisma

Chapter 1

So in this world everybody is born with a certain set of stats, right? You can't control what it is you're born with, it's more or less determined by your genes. However, if you decide to take the path of the Adventurer, you are allocated additional points, and gain more as you progress in life. "Adventurer" is a bit of a catch-all phrase. When the gods created the stat system, it was initially used by mercenaries, but over time the system proved so useful that people started using it for a wide manner of purposes. Not just any though, average jobs were off the table. An adventurer is always expected to use their power for others, and to keep moving around- though having a place to come back to isn't off the table- so while you might see freelance police adventurers, you won't be seeing any professionals, teachers, athletes, or anything like that. It's a system fueled by a sense of adventure. Or by some, altruism I guess.

Enter me. Leonard Flax, Leo for short. My parents are, well you can probably guess from the name. They're flax farmers. I'm the youngest of three sons, kind of a victim of bullying, though my brothers are over that phase now- pretty apologetic and cool about it actually, but that doesn't change the fact. Their bullying had a deep-seated effect on me. I don't think I need to say more, you read the title I assume. I'm not the violent type.

Yet the road always kind of called to me. I'd always do my work on the farm while gazing out at the horizon, wondering what else could be out there. Maybe there was someone like me, the little guy, who needed protecting?

When I turned sixteen, my dad started pushing me toward an apprenticeship. Two sons was enough to handle the farm, why not send me out to learn a different trade? I decided to aim to become an adventurer. My parents weren't thrilled, but you know how teenagers are. I didn't give up. So, soon after that I was enrolled as the apprentice to a fighter. It really didn't suit me though, and per the fighter's own recommendation, I studied under a bard instead, which I enjoyed much more. I learned the art of supporting others and of getting out of situations rather than getting through them.

Now today is my eighteenth birthday, the day I become officially eligible as an adventurer. I know right away what I'm going to do. It's unorthodox- I don't know if anyone has ever done it before. I wonder what the local deity will think of it.

The thought puts a little extra spring in my step as my master, Eustace Luvenio, bard extraordinaire, leads me toward the big city where the temple is. I'd been by it many times, but this would be my first time actually entering. I knew about what to expect, but the reality is never quite what we expect, is it?

"Remember to be polite," master reminds me. "A goddess is not one to be spoken to with even a hint of-"

"Of course I know that, master," I tell him, gripping at the straps of my satchel. "You trained me well. Don't worry."

His smile is difficult to see behind his chestnut-colored handlebar mustache, but recognizing it had been one of the skills I had picked up, and it was there. "I am very proud of the progress you have made, Leo. It's sad to think you will be leaving so soon."

"I don't want to think about it," I say truthfully. "Let's... save the goodbyes for when the time really comes, okay?"

"Right you are," he agrees, adjusting the feather in his cap. I wonder if it's to hide his eyes growing misty. I only stopped mine from doing the same by distracting myself.

"Here it is," I breathe, then gulp. We had arrived sooner than anticipated, due to my spry gait. "Here... here I go."

I take a step through the threshold but feel myself stopped, one foot suspended in the air. I'm yanked back a step and feel the gloved hand of master Luvenio on my shoulder. He fixes me with a stern look. "Take a breath first, boy, I can't tell if you're excited or scared to death at the moment."

I follow his advice, doing a quick breathing exercise, albeit with some difficulty. I was about to step inside, his timing could have been a little better! But the more I dwell on that, the longer it will take to calm down, so I don't. So after a moment I clear my throat, indicating my readiness, puff out my chest, and swing open the doors.

The inside isn't as bright as I imagined it. The windows are small and stained glass, probably for the sake of secrecy. The floor is the same dark, dense wood as the doors, which absorbs a good deal of the light, most of which is produced by chandeliers stood throughout the hall. People in robes, mainly men I note, carry about their business at meditative, deliberate paces.

I jump slightly as one of them seems to appear at my side with a question. "Welcome to the temple young lad. Judging by your age, I would assume you are here for the goddess's blessing upon adventurers, correct?" He isn't as old as his manner of speech implies, but he isn't exactly young either. His face is long and narrow, and doesn't quite suit the friendly smile he wears, but I try not to hold that against him in my first impression.

Instead, I self-consciously smooth back my slightly-too-long brown hair and give him my best confident smile. "Yes sir, I turned eighteen today. I am ready to become an adventurer."

"Whether you are truly ready remains to be seen," he says, though his hand at my back guiding me deeper into the building shows that those were simply words of wisdom, and not an expression of doubt.

"O-of course," I try to agree, though my heart tells me otherwise. I have my whole life plotted out already, how could it go wrong? I'll be a dashing hero, but not the sort that saves damsels from dragons, that sort of storybook nonsense isn't worth anything except to daydream. No, I'm going to be-

My thought is interrupted by our arrival at a very imposing door. It looks like it's solid gold, and I can't help but melt a little at the sight of it. Where did the church get this kind of funding? Again, my thought is cut short, this time by the door opening. Light poured out from behind it like an explosion, and my unprepared eyes were blinded for a moment. When I adjusted, I saw... well, it would be hard to describe.

I looked around. We were indoors, right? And yet for all appearances, I was now standing on a cloud. A cloud with marble flooring, if that makes any sense. The door was still open behind me, looking so dark by contrast that I couldn't even see the priest standing in it. But what was in front of me was much more interesting by far.

I had never seen a goddess before. Few do. She looks fairly human, only... a lot bigger. I've never had much of a head for guessing, but I'd say she's about 10 feet tall. And golly is she beautiful. Blonde hair that seems to never end, rosy cheeks softer than flower petals, and a body that... well, I don't have much to compare it to, but I go red just being in its presence, even robes in white as she is. On second glance, I see the robes are in fact more clouds. Gods really don't spare any expense when it comes to presentation, I suppose.

"Come closer," she beckons with the softest, most beautiful of voices. Her previous closed eyes open, bigger and bluer than any I had seen before. "Bold new adventurer, ready to save the world one quest at a time." I blush at the fondness I hear in her voice. Like a mother complimenting her son dressed in a wooden barrel and pretending it's armor. "Pray, show me your writ of adventure," she continues, gesturing with her hand. As she does, a bit of cloud pops off of her cloudy seat, and I'm suddenly aware that there are dozens of little cloud beings with faces, tending to her needs. Cherubs, I realize.

This one extends a part of its misty body in the shape of a hand. I reach into my back and pull out a roll of yellow parchment. I had filled it out with the help of my master earlier, though only I knew its contents. Until now at least. I place it in its... hand, and it brings it to its mistress. It's then that I suddenly suppose it is probably appropriate to bow, so I genuflect and lower my eyes as the goddess reads it.

"Oh," she voices, clearly surprised. "This is... highly unusual. I have never seen such a build before. Are you quite certain that it is adventuring you are after?" she asks.

"More... more than anything, ma'am!" I say, head still bowed. "I just... I don't like fighting, your holiness. So I want to try my hand at solving things another way."

"How very unique," she muses, with that same fond tone as before. "I will observe your goings with great interest. Raise your head, child."

I do, and I nearly fall over. She has risen from her seat, and immediately I am treated to the sight of the biggest, most perfect pair of naked breasts I have ever seen. So spherical, yet with the perfect curve of weight, capped with clean, almost shiny pink nipples, innies to match her motherly figure and personality. A trickle of blood escapes my nose before I have a chance to think.

The smile on her face tells me this is far from the first time she has witnessed such a reaction... or bared herself so to an adventurer. "You are just my type, Leonard Flax," she says in a conspiratorial tone. She half crawls, half floats toward me, until her face, nearly twice the size of mine, looms over my head, plump lips spread in a smile. "I will grant you my boon. And to go with your particularly unique qualities, an extra gift that I trust will serve you in your journeys." She reaches out a slender arm, which I have trouble following, eyes drawn once more to her chest. But it comes closer, seeming to reach for my chest, until...

I crumple. She touched me... there! My body is immediately wracked with intense sensations the likes of which I had never imagined. What was she doing? Why? "There's no need to thank me," she giggles, winking. "Oh, but when the women thank you, make sure to tell them it was my handiwork~"

Handiwork? Women? Thank? What was...? And then all at once I was back outside. Still sitting on my ass, in front of the door.

Someone to my side clears his throat, and I quickly jump to my feet. I don't... really feel any different, though I suppose, given my stat allocation, that's to be expected. The voice belonged to the same priest as before, who's trying to hide his smile. "The goddess of Duzille is known for her occasional mischief. I suppose you were just victim to a taste of it?"

A taste would be one way to put it. "Truly sir, I am not quite certain what transpired," I say. Then I pause. What the fuck did I just say?

We share a blank look. Then he smiles understandingly. "Your new stats will take some time to adjust to. I recommend visiting the Hedge Guild to practice with your newfound strength before searching for work."

"I... I thank you good father," I tell him, blushing as my words come out not exactly the way I intend them to. "For your help to me, I shall be eternally grateful. Blessings up the heavens be upon you." Hooooooly crud I'm some sort of smooth-talking bard like master Eustace now!

Head reeling, I step out the door, to find the man himself there waiting for me. "Leo," he says fondly. "You are an adventurer now, I'm..." Before I can even say anything, he dabs at the corner of his eye with his handkerchief. "I'm so proud of you, my boy."

I want to make a remark on how corny (not to mention abrupt) his greeting is, but somehow something tells me I would have better results by going along with it. It isn't hard to do. This was goodbye for us. He was a high-leveled adventurer, I wouldn't be able to join his party for a long time, if ever. So puffing out my chest, I swallow and nod. "Thank you, my master... Were it not for your wise tutelage, I would not be here today. Yet at the same time, I cannot help but lament the fact."

"You already sound like me, good heavens," he sobs. "You truly are my apprentice." He takes a deep, shuddering breath and places his hands on my shoulders. "Let us go to the Hedge Guild. There we will part ways. I will join my party, and you may begin your tutorials. We will say our final farewells after luncheon."

We make our way there mostly in silence. The moment is a heavy one for the two of us, too heavy to cheapen with words, ironic as that is. We part ways at the entrance, he making his way to the dining area, and I to the reception desk.

I'm not sure why but I expected a cute girl to be at the desk. I'm instead disappointed by yet another man, rather plain-looking, clearly not an adventurer, himself. "New adventurer," he guesses with a friendly smile. I nod in response. "Alright, let me take your information down then. Put your hand on the metal square here and we'll add you to the Hedge archives. Then we can see about your training."

I do as he says, the small metal panel heating up slightly as I touch it, with a faint glow. The man at the desk pulls a contraption up onto the desk- some sort of looking glass- and points it at me. Through it I'm able to see his stats, and I assume he can see mine too. His are about what I expect. They aren't represented by hard numbers, but I can see the shape is fairly even and small, as would be expected of a non-adventurer.

But then his face contorts into an expression of utter confusion. "This... is this right? Hold on now, this can't be normal."

"Ah, well, sir I can assure you, it is functioning as intended," I assure him in my oddly eloquent new manner of speech. "I have elected to allocate all of my adventuring points onto my charisma stat."

He looks at me over the glass, then through it once more. "All of them, eh?" he says, sounding somehow unconvinced.

"Yes sir," I insist. "Why do you ask, is something amiss?"

"Well... Yeah, I guess there is. See... I can't see the top of your Charisma stat at all. It's just... pshooooo, off the chart!" He mimes with his hands to illustrate.

"Is that... not conceivable, if one allocates all of their points to...?"

He shakes his head. "No, this kind of stat you only find in HIGH level min-maxers. Kid, you simply didn't have enough points to invest to get this kind of number. This is- oh." Suddenly his face softens into a look of dawning comprehension. "This is a blessing from the goddess."

I blink blankly. "Well... Milady did mention bestowing her gift upon me, but I was not under the impression that was it..." I shake my head. "Well, I suppose that must be it though, if this is such an anomaly."

"Wow kid, I don't know what to say," the man mutters. "You're something special I guess. But... I mean, charisma though? If this were dexterity or strength I could understand, but... I don't see how off-the-charts charisma will make a legend out of you."

I'm ready to explain it all to him, but again that sense that there was something better to say comes over me, and I indulge it. "Well, perhaps that is for time to tell. Who can say what the future holds?" I lean on the table with a winning smile.

All at once, the guy drops any pretense of argument and nods, an agreeing smile on his face. "I can't argue with that. Well, welcome aboard, newbie! Oh uh..." again, he looks puzzled. "I guess since the rest of your stats are normal you won't really be needing any training. Most folks need time to adjust to their newfound speed, strength, you know, the works. Some of the wizards who raise their intelligence super high actually need several weeks to adjust, you know. But charisma... Well, I hate to be a broken record, but I don't really see what you can do about that. I'd say you could just about hit the road as you are. With some supplies of course."

I fold my arms pensively, digesting the information. "That seems sensible to me," I ultimately agree. "In that case... I bid you farewell, my friend!"

"Yeah, uh... god... speed," he awkwardly responds, waving as I head out. "Or something."

I spend the next hour or so explaining the situation to my master- or my former master, really. I won't bore you with the details, we share a tearful goodbye, along with a promise to meet again here one day. And then I'm off to gather supplies. I have a starting stipend from the guild that I'm expected to pay back eventually with my quest rewards, but I quickly find that I don't need it. A few honeyed words are all I need to convince the armorer that his best quality light armor would be best served on myself, the cobbler's swiftest magical shoes will bring him fame and fortune if set upon my feet, the enchanter that her wands will never see finer use than in my hands, and so on. I am effortlessly able to haggle my way down to coppers, and left with far more than I know what to do with.

Ever the bleeding heart, I hand out a few of my leftover silver to the paupers, and for good measure, a gold piece for the church. I feel I somehow owe something, if not to them then to the goddess.

By the end I'm standing at the edge of town, bedecked in breezy elven cloth-mail, a cloak of camouflage, ample supplies, several fine pocket and cooking knives, a small bag of wands and scrolls, and even a valuable town-port-orb. If ever I need to return to town, I just have to break it and I will be back at the shop I bought it from. I can hardly believe my blessings.

The sun is beginning to dip slightly, but I figure that rather than spend the night in the inn, a night outside but not too far from town would be an excellent first experience. In the rough, but within a reasonably safe radius from the city. No high-level monsters to worry about.

I encounter nothing for the first league or two, except for the lovely birdsong in the trees. Their music grew the nearer I got to the forest, until my ears caught the hint of something that sounded like a bird, but not quite. An imitation whistle, perhaps a signal. Fortunately, my wisdom was at least naturally high enough to catch that detail.

Sadly, my dexterity is not enough to prepare me for what came next. A bola- no, two bolas- whip through the air, and before I know what had happened, I am flat on my back, awkwardly bent over my backpack, the wind knocked out of my lungs.

"Help!" I start to cry, but my mouth is stuffed with rope before I canget the first vowel out. That's when I see what I'm dealing with. Goblins. How typical. I would have kicked myself for not being prepared if I could.

"Stupid human," the tallest (relatively speaking of course) among them squeaks. She stands only about navel-height to me as far as I can tell, with short, wild hair that looks naturally black, but mixed with red powder of some sort. A primitive dye, I figure. "Humans always think they strong enough to go alone." Rather annoyingly, she places her hands on her knees and bends down to my level, with the biggest condescending smirk I had ever seen in my life. Looking down on me, imagine that!

The two behind her, each distinguishable by their hair color, one yellowish green, the other gray, cackle in their high voices. "They never think goblin smart enough to beat them," Gray says.

Red kicks me onto my side and I mumble in protest. "Looky-looky, many shinies, this human has!" she squeals with delight. "Big Ookna very happy when we show her!" She grinds her bare heel into my backside and giggles- it would have been cute were it not for the situation. "Likiki, you and me, we go tell Ookna. Nunu, you guard. Stupid human too stupid to get out. Even you good to keep him. Hmm?"

"Yes, Nunu keep human!" Green says eagerly. I can tell she is eager to please. Probably a newbie, herself. That is when it strikes me that they are all female. I hadn't really thought about it before, but I had imagined goblins would be like humans, the males being the more hands-on type. Maybe they're matriarchal...

I shake myself from the distracting thought as Red and Gray scamper off. Green- Nunu- sits down on a rock and watches me.