- Incest/Taboo
- Lockdown with Sis
- Comments
All Comments on 'Lockdown with Sis'
by CrossedAngel42
- 27 Comments
Please proofread your stuff can't stand use of incorrect wording and misspelled words very distracting from content
If you wish more to read your story you might want to put more common measurements rather than exaggerating 10in cock and make your sister average height 5 10
You had to spoil it with the brother claiming to have a 10 inch cock. I'm sure that I'm not the only one who gets turned off with guys claiming to have outrageous and uncommon penises.
Congrats on finishing your second story. The writing is OK, but there are a LOT of distracting misspellings. ("Crouch" for "crotch;" "plaiting" for "plating"; "site" for "sight"; "peak" for "peek"; etc.) If you cannot proofread yourself, you need an editor/proofreader.
I thought for your second story that you did a very good job. Editing it something that will improve as you continue to write. Some people are a little to anal about critiquing others work, don't let that get too you. I would encourage you to keep writing and I look forward to reading your next story.
Don't pay ANY attention to the people who can't spell themselves yet want to critique you.
Holy crap! One person doesn't know the difference between "to" and "too".
The other person wants you to concentrate on "Edoting".
Not to get into detail, but your story definitely made my cum hard... ;) Anyway, amazing story, I can't wait for more of your stories to make me orgasm...
There are two things that will destroy a good story and make people lose interest. The first is a combination of bad grammar and bad spelling. The second is to talk about the size of a man's dick. The only people that care about the size of a man's dick are gay men. Just leave it out. None of the readers have 10 inch dicks, so it immediately takes them out of the story. You can do more with your tongue and two fingers than with a 10 inch dick.
In reality though, pretty bad. Full of spelling mistakes and the 10" dick? You are insulting your readers and as such will get hammered in the comments. Things like this are so easy to remedy, I suggest you do just that.
Dozens of them in just the first few paragraphs before I was forced to abandon it.
Through when you meant throw? Really?
One thing I noticed about the scene where she was masturbating while on video feed for the class. At the end, she slammed the lid of her laptop closed. Since the camera on most laptops is mounted above the screen, this would have swept its field of view downwards. Was anyone recording the feed, and if so, did they look at the last few frames before the lid closing both blocked the camera's view and put the laptop in sleep mode?
this is the best. Please continue. and don't spoil with crap like other involments. just continue and make it more romatic
Your story line was ok but you definitely need an editor to go over your selection of words.
Him......am sure you meant hem
Through.......am sure you meant throw
Overall, a fair effort l thought
I liked it, though like someone else said the 10 inch cock isn't great. I usually go for no description especially if you're writing first person then the reader can make up their own image
oh and slamming 10 inches into anyone, unless they're an experienced porn star, is going to hurt
Can’t wait for the next chapter.
Wish she my sister
I had considerable trouble with yours. Do yourself a favor and get a proof reader and an editor. Sometimes suggestion is more powerful than discription. Don't give up your day job!!!
E.h., hem, not him
Rigid, not ridged
Phrases instead of sentences.
Plus, 10" dick? Oh yeah, we can all relate to that, right?
I did enjoy it, though it wasn’t perfect. To echo what’s already been said, an editor is probably a good choice. Hardly world ending, of course, but it’ll smooth out the rough edges nicely.
Also, I would have liked to have seen a longer sex scene between the two when they finally came to the deed. It felt awfully short, given the previous build up.
Those points said, overall it was well done.
I'm less concerned with spelling and grammar errors than the others. As a first time effort it was pretty good if a very rushed. What ruined it for me was the possible impregnation. I love sibcest stories but not sibcest impregnation.
Loved the story. Perfect short story. If you add more will definitely read
I read your newer story first and can’t believe both were written by the same person. You have definitely perfected your craft in the 2 years between postings.
This story was more patter and cliche while your Neighbors story is fresh and creative. This story had 10” cocks, hitting the cervix, and a ton of typos and misused words, while Neighbors was much cleaner grammatically and realistic.
On another note, I loved Don’t F*ck With Cats on Netflix too!
Obviously boys write about hitting the cervix. Women know that it hurts. Its better to never mention dick size or cup size. Let the reader imagine their idea of perfect. In real life I've never once thought of cup size while seeing or feeling someones breast. Fat and saggy or small and cute is all I notice. And my preference is obvious. And dick size can be a problem, holding back and not being able to go balls deep when you cum is a real loss. I've had my share of being pushed away while going too deep and I'm not 10. I don't know how the girls in porn handle it.