All Comments on 'Nerd Night at Sister's Sorority'
by SLVe
- 19 Comments
The present indicative is a terrible, boring, pretentious, and uninvolving tense to tell a story; narrate in the 1st person past indicative (I took, I said, he said etc) if you want readers to follow your narration. Also agree with the previous commenter about the hazing aspects of the story. 2 stars, because it started dull and went downhill from there
it was okay maybe continue the story get the two of them to become a couple.
Are you even in high school yet?? Or is English I perhaps a third language for you?
Sorry, but the writing sucks.
I read the other comments and couldn't believe my eyes. This story was well written and certainly conveyed what Spencer was thinking and feeling in a strange situation. I think that the people who make negative comments so often lose themselves in a search for perfection that they also lose the meaning and feel of the story as well. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination!
Hell YES I like it. Those that have a negative opinion of this story don't count anyway,.Tastefully written, not a 1 page bang-o-rama, yet it didn't drag on forever, either. (and you left yourself set up for chapter 2!
Bring It!!!!!!
Holy shit is right. You do realize this is site about erotic writing and not an English Comp. site? If you want great writing and mostly great grammar I would suggest you go to one of the great public libraries in your area. Just don't read A Tale of Two Cities. While it is classic bit of literature, it's opening is not grammatically correct.
Get a grip you tool.
I love it. Had an interesting opening, kind of timid, but I felt this whole story develop just as the Spencer did in the story. I love it! Keep em coming !
Truly well written. I would have preferred a little more character development to give a slightly deeper feeling to the brother /sister union, but that's just my personal preference. The story was amazing and amazingly well written. I have no idea what Holy Shit was going on about because I didn't find the hiccups or stumbles a non native speaker would make and I've read enough of these stories to know. Keep writing, I look forward to making you one of my favorite writers.
Thanks for the feedback, everyone.
I wrote this story in a short period of time with the goal of having clear start and end points so I could get to the good part (the sex). That was mostly accomplished, although one consequence is I may not have spent as much time crafting the work and editing it as I would normally. This is in contrast to many prior (currently unpublished) stories that are slower developing and as a result, unfinished. The advice posted has been very useful in how I should approach that going forward.
I think this one loses a bit of its bite with the reveal given away in its title and genre categorization but that's the drawback of marketing.
Love stories where the nerd younger brother gets to surprise fuck his beautiful sister.
Hope you continue the story. I want to know how they handle the MORNING AFTER.
Will they continue?
What is the Outcome. Did brother and Sis give it Away that they were related. or did they keep the Secret. Do they continue or does the other girls want to give Spencer a Try. and Gwen could be hot on the Date Scene.
Probably kept the secret,and so did Gwen,and they came out to everybody as boyfriend and girlfriend and dated their at College and remained exclusive,I also think Gwen and Spence played off the notion to other classmates that its okay for Nerds or Geeks to date HOT Sorority Girls and change peoples opinions that its perfectly fine,since both Gwen and Spence fell in love after Gwen found out it was Spence making love to her.
Awesome Story all around.
Would have given 5 stars, but you completely omitted a conclusion. Where's the outcome? How did she react after the fact? to his confession? does it go any farther? Apparently she wasn't on BC for the creampie, was there a pregnancy scare. It's not a couple of loose ends, it's unended.