All Comments on 'Sauna Fun'
by phoenix196
- 6 Comments
Chapter I hope I often wonder why shemales love women and men or for that matter why hetero women and men are attracted to shemales.Strange world isnt it?
Well it was rushed, there wasn't much character development and I spotted a few grammer errors. It cold be better and maybe you will do better on your next story.
Thought it was a good story, but it needed more details. And not just go from one position to the next and then it's over.
Fantastic. I've only ben with a tgirl once, many years ago, and would love to once again
You wrote,
"Turning me around and bending me over the bench she digs her nails into my hips... The sensation of her cock spasming inside me makes me cum hard in her hand spitting my seed over her fingers and stomach."
As written, your protagonist must have cum SO fucking hard, his wad blasted out of her HAND, and THEN ricocheted off the floor, the wall, and the ceiling, finally hitting the shemale, (who's banging your protagonist from behind, BTW), in HER stomach.
The world's first three bank cum shot... better call fucking Guiness! Or do you have a better explanation?
it's not so long that you couldn't have proofread it, at least once.
But, that logistical miracle is not the real issue. You present your mysterious bikini clad sauna seducer as playful and mischievous, cute and smiling, with a twinkle in her eye.
How does that description match up with someone who also "digs her nails into my hips..."?
Further, your playful minx then proceeds to shove her "huge hard cock" in an unlubed VIRGIN anus, and then "enjoying the tightness", immediately proceeds to fuck with "long hard strokes".
Evidentally, you have never shoved anything resembling a hard cock into your, or anyone else's dry asshole. A sauna may make someone sweat, but an asshole doesn't sweat. (Well, actually, I've known more than one sweaty asshole... let me try, again.) A sauna may make someone sweat, but the rectum does NOT sweat internally. That would make it self lubricating, and as much as ass fuckers the world over would love it, the human asshole is NOT self lubricating.
If you had experienced anything resembling a hard cock in your asshole, not even dry, but just without enough lube, you would do the same thing your readers do as they read this, cringe.
Here's a pro tip for aspiring smut writers: do NOT make your readers cringe during the smutty part(s).
If you've ever shoved your cock in the dry ass of someone else, you would be reminded, every morning when you look in the mirror, NOT to do so, when see the lump left after the owner of said asshole elbowed you, breaking your nose. And never letting you near their ass, again.
Even though it is a fantasy, a fantasy without realism is just words, never becoming more, or having any impact.
People don't suddenly change from playful and mischievous, to someone intentionally inflicting pain.
A person being seduced by a stranger, upon having fingernails dug into their hips, is GONNA react, and probably end the seduction. Same goes for having a hard dick shoved into, and having their dry ass fucked hard. They are GONNA react, and likely end things.