- How To
- The Dark Kiss: A Guide to Analingus
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Click hereBefore you say, "Ewwww!" hear me out—it may not be your thing, but then again, if you're open-minded and experimental, just think, you might find an amazing new sex act to add to your repertoire! If the thought makes you squirm, and not in a good way, then go ahead and click back—but if you're even a little bit curious about oral-anal contact, then read on, and let's find out about "analingus," as it is technically called, (and yes, that is the correct spelling, look it up!) or more commonly "rimming" in porn and erotica circles.
Remember when oral sex used to be a "no-no?" (Okay, maybe you're not old enough to remember, but it's true!) There was a time when it was outlawed in most states, and it was considered a perversion. No one admitted they did it, even if they did. Can you imagine your sex life without oral? I didn't think so! Rimming (I'll use this colloquial phrase from now on) is one of those sex acts that still remains in the sexual dark ages. It's time we brought it into the light, for those who want to venture into that arena. There isn't (and shouldn't be) any shame associated with any sexual act—rimming included.
Still, feeling some hesitation and even a little embarrassment about rimming is normal, for the very reason I state above—the anus is one part of our body that we have internalized a great deal of shame about in our culture. It takes overcoming some of that to even entertain the idea, let alone actually attempt it.
You might want to try some other forms of anal play first—fingers or toys—before you move on to anal-oral contact. In fact, I would bet if you're actually curious about it, and not just reading this for the gross-out factor like someone slowing down at the scene of an accident, you probably have already been involved in some sort of anal play.
Sometimes couples fall into this experience through a delightful mishap—he is going down on her, and—oops! His tongue slips down lower than either of them expected, and she jumps and moans and they both look at each other like: "Wow! What was that?!" It can happen the other way around, too, if he likes to have his balls and perineum licked and sucked—especially if it's dark! Either way, this happy accident can lead to a desire to explore this idea further.
If you're interested in it, but your partner isn't, let it go. One sex act shouldn't ever come between you, and who can enjoy something if they know the other person isn't enjoying themselves, too? But if you're both curious and interested, just not sure how to proceed, then talk about it. Who wants to give? Who wants to receive? Sometimes it's both of you, sometimes it's just one of you. If there are concerns about hygiene, then read on, because I'm about to assuage them.
The biggest fear with oral-anal contact is feces. (Some of us won't even put food that's fallen on the floor into our mouths!) If you can get past the psychological aspect of it, the reality is that with proper hygiene, there is very little danger of coming in contact with feces. Why? Fecal material is actually stored above the rectum in the colon. There are only trace amounts that remain in the rectum or on the anus, which can easily be washed away.
Infection is the real concern—the possibility of introducing bacteria into our digestive tract from oral-anal contact. The dangerous bacteria are E. coli, Salmonella, intestinal parasites like Giardia, and of course, AIDS. The good news is you can seriously minimize your risks. If you are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, and you know that neither of you is HIV positive, has any STDs, and are free of parasites, careful washing should be sufficient.
You can shower together, which is always fun foreplay, anyway. One technique I've learned is to fill the tub halfway, squat down, and insert a soapy finger into the anus. Turn your finger around a few times, so the water and the soap wash away any residue in and around the area.
Some couples prefer to do enemas, which clean out the entire colon. You can actually buy disposable enemas, or if you're in this for the long-haul, get yourself a kit. They're easy to use—while on your hands and knees, you just insert the little nozzle into the anus, and squeeze the bottle to push the fluid into the rectum. You will feel the urge to go after a few moments, and you can sit in the toilet and just allow the fluid to drain.
If you're still hesitant, you can use a dental dam—a kind of rubber sheet that works sort of like a condom for the mouth. You can approximate one of these using unlubricated condoms (don't use any lubricated ones or any with spermicide!) or even just some Saran wrap! Kind of like sex with a condom, it doesn't feel quite the same, but it's still pretty good—and it's 100% safe.
Now, on to the fun part—actually trying it! It helps to get relaxed. A sensual massage from the giver to the receiver can only be helpful. Whatever you can do to relax each other, do it! My favorite position is doggie style—for two reasons: 1.) it provides maximum exposure but still allows for genital play and 2.) it is the most vulnerable.
One of the turn-ons of rimming can be the surrender in it. You are opening up parts of yourself to a lover that have never been touched—not only that, they have been culturally shunned and rejected. Many of our associations with the anus are negative: that's a "bad" part of the body or that part of us isn't "ok." This is a way to give yourself wholly and completely to your partner, and for your partner to accept you that way as well. I've also heard couples say that this position works well, especially the first time—if the receiver needs to hide their face in a pillow at first to deal with any shame that comes up.
Other positions you can try are doggie-style, but standing up. Just make sure you have something to hold onto that's stable! You can also lie on your back, but I would suggest using a pillow under the hips to raise everything up. I've also known couples who can do a sixty-nine position, but unless you do lots of yoga or are a gymnast, I don't know that you want to try this on the first go!
So, now you're relaxed, you're positioned... it's the moment you've been waiting for. Don't rush it—ease into things, so to speak. Kiss and touch and lick all around the area first, starting wide and moving in—begin with the hips, the lower back, the thighs, and of course, the ass. Nibble, suck, stroke with your hands, and move in, slowly, toward the anus, a little bit at a time.
It's good to start with kisses. Just feather little kisses around the anus. Pay attention to your lover's response. If they back away, start wide and circle in again. Sometimes you have to build up to it. You can also try some genital stimulation first to heighten arousal— with your fingers, though, not with your tongue. Unless you are using a dental dam or a facsimile, once your lips and tongue have touched the anus, you don't want to put them anywhere else until you're done.
If your lover is enjoying the kisses, move on to using your tongue. Flatten your tongue and press it against the anus. You can wiggle it back and forth gently, or start just by licking with the flat of your tongue. How does this feel? Um—fantastic! The anus has lots and lots of nerve endings, and they are highly sensitive to touch. Kind of like with oral sex—fingers are ok, but a tongue? Oh, heaven!
Once your lover is starting to respond to your licking (moaning and squirming and arching the back are all very common now!) you can try pointing your tongue and sliding it into the anus. This is kind of the scary part for the giver, but remember, you've done everything possible to be clean—let down your inhibitions, and listen to the sound of your lover's response. That's usually enough to keep the giver motivated to keep giving!
You can (and should) keep stimulating your lover's anus until they tell you to stop. You can keep up manual genital stimulation as well (or your partner can do it for themselves). Having an orgasm with a tongue sliding in and out of your anus—I just can't do it justice in a description, I'm sorry! Fireworks, weak knees, ringing in the ears, you name it.
When you're completely done, the giver should wash their mouth out with an antiseptic mouthwash, just to be on the (very!) safe side. Listerine is probably the best (I'm not doing a commercial, honest—but anything that tastes that bad has to kill more germs, right?) If your hands have come in contact with the anus, you should also wash those.
Rimming can be a very pleasurable experience, if you're willing to give it a try. There are definitely very safe ways to practice it, minimizing all the risks—and the benefits are extraordinary! You can have deeper intimacy, more pleasure, and you now have something new to add to your bag of tricks to keep your sex life from growing dull!
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Bibliography
Taormino, Tristan. Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Cleis Press, 1998.
- COMMENTS
While I could give support to analingus performed on women, I can say I have had both sexes do me. I enjoyed returning the act on women, I preferred giving older women oral service. The act is giving the other an intimate contact. When the parnter knows or expects it, they will be prepared. As for UTI, that may be caused by unclean phallus injectors and must be avoided. I think if she is not prepared for oral, she may not have the fluids needed to protect her from an infection. One woman I had did advise she had UTI’s. Another one may had one and rejected my assertion of cunnilingus. I think one should do cunnilingus then analingus so any fecal matter is not transferred.
Bruce
I'll never forget the time as a young man that I was dating a woman (not serious or exclusive) and we found ourselves in a friends apartment for long enough that we felt comfortable getting naked for the first time. In an awkward session of rolling around on the couch. We found ourselves in a groping exploration of each other and I realized I was in a classic 69 pose, a new one for me. I decided to go for it, and show her that I was an experienced guy (ho ho). Her ass was in my face and I went for what I assumed was pussy territory...wrong. Her sweet ass cheeks were right there and I went for it, kissing and licking and forcing my face between her cheeks while kissing and licking all over. My tongue slipped between her cheeks and went to town in earnest, and I was loving it. She suddenly moaned and gasped, and shook all over. Then she suddenly came up to my face and lay back there looking up at me with a beautiful smile and loving eyes with a loving expression that I had never seen before. She reached for my hand and squeezed, looking up at me. It was a few days later that her sister made a pass at me at a a party, and whispered to me that she knew what we had done and wanted to experience it too. In the next few minutes I learned that I not only had made love to her ass but her anus as well...and had apparently done an excellent job. I had loved it myself and slowly learned that I had somehow become a sought after date in our extended circle of friends. Ever since, I have had many partners and found that kissing ass is the most intimate act that I have ever experienced, and many women I dated have been repulsed at this while others have told me that I was the best lover that they ever had. I can't describe what I feel when I have a partner who is willing to share this most intimate act.
I’d have to agree with the author… nothing beats a hand job while getting rimmed. It truly is an indescribable pleasure. My first wife (who shall remain nameless but whose initials are Carol) used to do it to me. How I got her to do that, I’ll never know!
Very informative. Having said that, although I love anal sex, I dislike being rimmed primarily because of the frequency of Urinary Tract Infections (UTI). I have repeatedly tried to prevent cross-contamination, but somehow I just can't seem to get the concept through to my lover.
He'll start licking my pussy then go down to my anus & back to my pussy. Or he'll put his fingers, his cock or a toy in my bottom, and the next thing I know, he's trying to put it in my pussy. It really puts me on edge, since I can't relax my vigilance or back I have to go for more antibiotics. I've talked about it, he claims to understand, yet the same thing happens over & over. It's gotten to the point I try to sterilize the whole area because I know he's just going to do it again. UTIs don't seem to bother him, but they bother me alot, so I guess I have to reluctantly end our physical relationship. (It's been eight years, and he still doesn't get it, or doesn't care.)
I've been married to my wife for 29 years. We were both virgins and on our wedding night I began my very inexperienced attempt to perform cunnilingus on her. Not knowing the specifics, haha, I began licking away softly in the dark at anything I could feel with my ups or tongue.
She gave me a loud "Oooh yeah!" at one point and I began licking and kissing away, as she moaned in pleasure,......... ......at her anus!
The next morning she asked "Where did you learn that?" and giving her a befuddled look I said "That was my first time I swear" and she laughed.
"Did you know you were licking my butt? " she asked and, before I could feel humiliated and stupid,she kissed me.
"I loved it! It kind of tickled!" she added.
it's been a regular part of our sex life ever since.........and our kids and grandkids probably think we're boring old fogies!!!
I am lucky enough to train my young gf into doing this. I love how it feels. When she is on her knees giving me head I would turn around and have her lick my hole. Or I would lift my leg up on a chair and let her lick it from the front. After I nut on her I would piss on her face. She loves it
The ultimate act of submission and an activity which I adore carrying out, but I prefer the spelling 'anilingus'.
I have long been a lover of licking my wife's ass. She knows that I will during most of our love making tongue her ass, so she will keep her self clean. With that said there is no way to stay completely clean. For those who fear the worst 30 years and never any thing but the sweet sound of my lover's moans as I wiggle my tongue in her ass. I have grown to love the taste of both of her sexy holes. I don't think we would ever not include it in how we love each other.C61F
it was so good to read a thoughtful and accurately written article about this sex action. the emphasis on mutual calmness and checking in with your partner as you progress onwards is very true in my experience too. thanks again.
I am still amazed at all those who see an article like this and knowing before they select it what the subject matter is, yet still feel compelled to read it (or possibly not?) and then put their ignorance on display in the comments
It makes me feel "homo-ish" or any other excuse using someone else’s non-immoral choice of sexual practice as a slur is not acceptable. As mentioned either by the author or another poster, it was not all that long ago that oral sex, male to female aka cunnilingus, was the taboo subject of the out-there cutting edge 'mainstream' porn films (before vid tape). I remember the buzz going around when a stag film or “dirty movie” (requiring a projector and a screen) was available and “it has lots of eating pussy” being the big draw. Heck, we had seen lots of intercourse and blow jobs but eating pussy, wow! I remember guys discussing whether they would or not, like it was a really daring practice and all the eewwws about it. There seemed to be a racial component to the discussion as many more black guys (almost 100%) than white said that cunnilingus was a non-starter like “if she ain’t satisfied by my cock then forget it. I don’t play that shit.”
I was an early devotee of kissing pussy having started with my sister as youngsters (very youngster). Then the golden age of porn movies brought about by Beta and VHS tapes featured lots of cunnilingus, black, white, Asian and everybody. How the times have changed as going oral-vaginal down on the ladies is pretty much universally acceptable by all now (in Western cultures at least). Happily oral-anal is gaining ground fast if the experience of the erotica driven significant increase in the popularity of cunnilingus is any measure. In my own experience I am now on my third partner/lover who loves getting rimmed.
My first was with my ex of 30 some years and she loved my going down on her back door. She even reciprocated on occasion particularly during 69 action. That progressed rapidly and frequently to anal intercourse. I have it on an absolutely reliable source that since my taking her anal cherry, she has continued on in her love of anal with subsequent partners.
My second (and late) wife became an analingus addict (receiving) and subsequently I became one too (giving : P). Almost every love making session had some. A few times it even led to anal intercourse. She was not as comfortable with giving but one of the few times that she did is the standout salad tossing interlude ever for me. I came home from work, we kissed, she knelt, took out my cock and began to suck me, turned me around, spread my ass apart and dove in with full french kissing intensity, tongue frequently and firmly in my anus. I could tell at the first contact of her lips that my ass had a day’s accumulated perspiration and ripening but there was not a second of hesitation as she kissed and tongued my ass lengthily and ferociously. That finally turned into us kissing madly as I savored the unmistakable scent and flavor of my ass that graced her lips and cheeks and the full realization of what this wonderful woman and reluctant rimmer had given to me. I literally kissed her face clean. Our making love afterwards was pretty intense too.
After what my late wife did for me, while I am not into scat, I am also not put off by a well-seasoned anus. Several months after she passed, I had a new lover whose reaction to the first few times I caressed her intimately in the anal area told me and rightly so that analingus was going to be treat once again. It also turns out that she loves anal intercourse too. And this lover fulfilled several other fantasies as well, being very much younger, a true red head, and technically an incestuous one. I wish my lotto luck were only as a fraction as good as my analuck.