All Comments on 'The Long Shot Pt. 14'
by DragonCobolt
- 10 Comments
Honoured Dragon,
You built a whole universe, showed an apocalyptic conflict beginning. You cannot end it with an epilogue. This story needs a middle half. You must to tell us what happened, for this story is too well written to be ended so.
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Really Amazing truly wonderful but the rest of the story is another tale for Another time.... Into the forest i go to lose my mind and find my soul
Aw, thanks Anon! My thinking was...like, at a certain point, there are a diminishing returns on space battles. You get the build up space battles, you get the HUGE space battle at Found - but once the countermeasure is found, there's not really much left bar the shouting.
It'd just drag on for little payoff.
...also, this story was very long and complicated and I wanna write something easier!
I very much enjoyed the story, but you went from a pleasant cruise to warp speed in 2 pages. Very unexpected, and shattered the flow.
You ran out of gas and just ended the story with a few words, abandoning your entire cast. Makes reading it a waist of time. Would it be possible for you to reconsider this and write an ending chapter that does the rest of the story and your characters justice?
As weird as this story was (people turned into tiny starships... mkay... lol) I enjoyed it and think the ending is very fitting for the simple fact that life isn't a goddamned fairy tale and people don't live happily ever after. They may be happy for awhile but then the princess gets caught banging one of her body guards or the prince suddenly comes down with gonorrhea and it all goes to shit yet again... but such is life.
5 stars... well done DC.
Much as I liked this story, I was a little confused at the end over exactly what the countermeasure was that would be more successful than the fleets of ships they had been throwing at the endless enemy. With no description other than 'a countermeasure or castle or canon or siege' it didn't read as being anything different than what had already failed.
To be honest, I was feeling pretty burned out near the end here, so I did rush to finish it...
But basically, the idea is the countermeasure is a large device that projects a "shut down" code to the Abomination - it just takes a long time to build, so it can only be built at the far edge of the galaxy from the incursion. The goal was always for it to be kind of a bittersweet ending - that the Concord and the galaxy would be radically damaged and changed, even with the effects of the Long Shot.
But...it was a lot to write and I was under a lot of stress at the time, so it didn't come off as full and rich as I hoped :(