The Surrogate Ch. 02

She put her hands over her face, rocking back and forth slightly. He waited. Finally she looked up again, looked into his cold, set, angry face, and said, "I am so sorry, Michael.

"I had no idea I--"

"No, of course you didn't! But what did you think would happen? Did you think you could go on fucking another man indefinitely and not get found out? It never works, Jo, don't you know that?"

Another silence. "I ... didn't think about it. I had no idea what would happen, I was just ... lost."

He watched her, as she looked down at her own hands, absorbed in her guilt, ashamed of the pain she had caused him.

"So? Tell me," he said.

And she did. She told him about her friends Lucy and Christine--about their ribald conversations, about Dell and his stamina. She told him about searching for the vibrator and what she'd been doing with it and he stared hard at her while she blushed.

She told him about the retreat, reminded him how angry they'd been at one another that week, explained about giving in to Trev's seduction. And then, hardest of all, she told him about how the affair continued. She apologized again, above all for that Saturday, but Michael was unmoved. Finally she was done and the room was quiet again.

"How many times?"

"Maybe ... eight, altogether. Six or eight. I'm not exactly sure."

Michael leaned forward. "And just so we're clear: why, Jo? Why did you stab me in the back and fuck another guy, over and over again?"

Joanna's feeling of sad resignation gave way to renewed fear. She had to be honest, absolutely had to be, but....

"The first time was just--just being drunk and stupid. And thinking about Dell, I guess. Thinking about what Christine had told me, and what I'd been doing with the vibrator.

"After that I swore I'd never see him again, never be alone with him. But when it started up again... It was like being infected with something, feeling out-of-control all the time, all feverish. And terrible too--guilty and ashamed. Every minute of the day."

She sighed. "It was exciting, Michael. It was very exciting. He had a lot of ... of control, he could ... keep going for a while, as I said. I had an orgasm during intercourse with him. Sometimes more than one."

She stopped, thinking Well, that's it. I've done it now. It's over.

He sat thinking. She was surprised that he didn't seem to be angrier.

"And now? You act like you want me back, Joanna, like you want to save our marriage, but why? Why would you want to go back to the two-minute man, go back to never having an orgasm from fucking for the rest of your life?

"And for that matter, why should I possibly believe that you'd do any better this time at being faithful? What happens when the next guy comes along who has a reputation for lasting a long time, huh? Why wouldn't you be hopping in a flash right into his bed?"

"Honey, I love you. More than I can say. I found out the hard way that our love and our marriage mean infinitely more to me than ... than anything sexual."

He snickered but she went right on talking. "If you told me you'd come back to me but I'd never have another orgasm in my life I'd say, 'where do I sign?' I was a fool, I got tempted by something and did something I'll regret for the rest of my life--but it was worth so much less, so much less than what I've lost. And so much less than the pain I've caused you."

She wanted to keep talking--wanted to say "I don't care if you come inside me in 15 seconds, after 6 strokes, every time--I just want you back." But she didn't dare; she was sure that would only make things worse.

"And as for the second question, the answer is the same. Don't you think I've learned--a little sex on the side isn't worth it. The pain it has caused, to you above all but to me too, the threat to our whole marriage. I could never, NEVER do that again, knowing what it cost us this time."

Thoughtfully, almost contemplatively he said, "but it's not that you wouldn't be tempted, right? I mean, you had sex with Trevor that was better than any we ever had, why wouldn't you be tempted? Even if you never gave in--you'd think about it all the time.

"I guess you'd have the vibrator, though," he went on, sarcasm creeping into his voice, "so it wouldn't be a total loss. So glad that something good came out of all this!"

"And where would that leave me? With a wife who knows, who just KNOWS that there're guys out there who can get her off better than I ever can. Who knows it because she spent a few weeks playing with one.

"How do you think that would be for me? Knowing that, having to live with that?" He wasn't sarcastic now--it was almost like he really wanted her answer. "Do you think I could live with that, and still feel like a man rather than some sort of cuckold loser?"

I've lost him, she thought. This is it--Agnes is right, this is what he'll never be able to get past. I've lost my husband.

She said, "you'd be MY man, honey. The man I chose over every other man in the world. Over Trevor, over anyone else who might be out there. Who I love and cherish, and want to make this up to."

"Yeah, well I remember you committing yourself to that choice a long time ago, Joanna. We had a little ceremony, they call it a wedding? And it doesn't seem like your commitment held up so well."

He got up heavily from the chair. He didn't seem that angry to her--mainly just tired and defeated. "Thanks for talking tonight. I guess we both have a lot to think about."

Michael left the room without looking back.

****************************

Marina could see he was nervous and she teased him. "What's the matter, Michael? You never do this before? I know you have two kids, so you've got to have a LITTLE bit of experience."

He smiled, but the nervousness didn't go away. They were about to have intercourse for the first time. He'd been working with Marina for nearly 11 months, making steady progress. Still, this felt like the biggest test of all.

She unbuttoned his shirt, slid it off his arms, and ran her hands across his chest. "This is just the first time, Michael. If you go 15 minutes, great. If you last 30 seconds, great. You know that each new step is challenging at first.

"Besides," she smiled, "you've been acting like you like my body. I thought that the prospect of being inside me would be worth a little nervousness!"

He smiled back. "You are such a flirt, Marina!" He shook his head. "This isn't ... I mean I never--"

"You never thought your surrogate would be funny or a tease, right?" She stuck her tongue out at him. "You thought she'd be a sex-bomb robot or something?"

Putting on a monotone mechanical voice she said, "please prepare erect penis for intra-vaginal penetration. Insert penis and wait for the beep."

They both cracked up. Then they finished getting undressed and lay on the bed.

For a first time it was just fine. They lay together touching, caressing each other, and when he was ready she said, "okay, honey, just come on top of me. I've been looking forward to this!"

He penetrated her smoothly, and her happy groan gave him a thrill of excitement right down his spine.

"Now do whatever you want, Michael. Stop whenever you need to, and don't forget to breathe."

They fucked for about eight minutes before he lost control. She lay passively, her arms lightly on his shoulders, smiling at him, moving with him but not pushing back. Michael tried to empty his mind, to do nothing but feel the pleasure of her hot pussy and her delicious soft body. He only had to stop twice; the rest of the time he was able to slow down slightly or change his motion when he felt himself getting close to coming.

When he lost it, ironically, was when he had a thought about how well he was doing. That made him fantasize about 15 minutes or more of hard-driving sex, pumping fast and deep into a gasping, writhing Marina--and it brought him to his ejaculation within about 20 seconds.

When he rolled off her and lay by her side, Marina sat up on one elbow and said, "way to go, Michael! That was terrific."

They talked about it for a few minutes. She reminded him of some of the things he'd learned--above all about being attentive to his own feelings and responses, so that he could anticipate his approaching climax and adjust what he was doing.

"And as you know, Michael, every man is different. If you find that putting your hands on a woman's breasts brings on your orgasm, then don't do that. Or looking into her eyes, or grabbing her hips if you're doing it doggie-style--whatever.

"And with practice, you'll learn what your triggers are and get good at staying away from them."

"The last thing, of course," she said more seriously, "is that maintaining control when your partner gets active and excited is more difficult. That's what we'll be working towards."

They took turns showering and then got dressed, chatting easily. She said, "you really are doing well, Michael. I don't know what your plans are, but if you want to you'll be able to give your wife a pretty terrific surprise in a couple more months."

He shook his head. "It won't be her, Marina. I'm pretty sure it's over--so it will have to be somebody new."

Seeing the pain on his face she came over and embraced him. "I'm sorry, Michael." She kissed his cheek. "Then we'll just have to finish making you the perfect stud for some other lucky woman!"

Again they laughed, and headed out the door.

****************************

"It's going to be tonight," he said.

"Are you sure, Michael--really sure? Because once you take this step, going back will be pretty much impossible."

"Elizabeth, we've been through this over and over. It's been four weeks since Joanna and I talked all through her affair, the what and the how and the why of it. You and I have discussed it how many times since then?

"I'm ready--it's time. I didn't tell you, but the Hendriksons accepted my revised offer on the house. I'm going to close on it in about 3 months, and then I can get it ready for me and the kids.

"And you know as well as I do why I can't live with her anymore."

Elizabeth nodded. She had known this was coming, and while divorce saddened her she didn't really feel that Michael was making a mistake. Given who he was, she doubted that he could ever have been happy with Joanna again.

"All right then," she said. "Let's talk about the future, and how you see it."

****************************

Michael was sadder than usual at dinner. Amy and Will were oblivious but Joanna noticed, and she wondered about it. She was fearful--everything made her fearful, since that awful night when she'd told Michael all about her and Trevor. She was holding on for dear life, hoping that time would start to heal the pain and he'd see how much she loved him, how much he'd be losing by ending the marriage.

But when he came into her bedroom that night she took one look at him and started to cry, even before he opened his mouth.

"Joanna, I'm going to file for divorce," he said. As he sat down in the chair his face was pale and unhappy, though she didn't see it. She had her face in her hands.

She nodded and tried to respond. "I, uh ... give me a minute, Michael. I'm sorry." She cried a few minutes longer, then grew calm, wiped her tears away with her hands, and looked back at him.

"Is there--is there anything I could do, baby, anything at all? I know I hurt you terribly, but you have to know how much I love you.

"I could quit my job--I'd do that in a minute if you said so. We could move away, start over somewhere else. I'd even try to be more ... you know, adventurous, in bed. I know I haven't .... "

She blushed and looked down. "I could learn to, uh, suck your cock ..."

He had to laugh at that, even though it was a sad situation.

"No, Jo, it's not about that.

"It's about trust, and about how I feel as a man, and how I would always feel, if we stayed together. I haven't mentioned this to you, but I've also been seeing a therapist--for months. I've talked about it nonstop, as you can imagine. This is how it has to be for me."

They were silent, both of them sad. She didn't try to talk him out of it any further.

"I'm sorry," he said, and got up to leave. He didn't know why he'd said that--shouldn't SHE be the one who was sorry?--but he still felt it.

He heard her behind him whisper, "I'm sorry too, Michael."

****************************

Joanna called into work and told them she was sick. Then she called Christine, sobbing; and Christine called Lucy and said "emergency," and by 10 am the three of them were sitting together in Joanna's kitchen. She was crying, and her friends were sitting unhappily next to her, their chairs pulled close to hers, their arms around her shoulders.

"I'm such an IDIOT," she kept saying; and when she was calmer she told her friends the rest of the story. They had known she and Michael were having a rough time but she'd kept all the specifics to herself. Now she poured it out: Michael's premature ejaculation problem, Dell, her fantasies, the vibrator--and the affair.

"God, Joanna, I feel terrible. If I hadn't told you all about Dell and his .... And the thing is, I didn't even go out with him that long. He was good at sex, but not at much else. Like being a boyfriend or even holding a job."

Joanna shook her head. "It's not your fault, Christine. If I'd--what's that expression? If I'd 'kept it in my pants' I'd still be happily married. Maybe I wouldn't be as satisfied in bed as some women, but I'd still have my husband."

They talked for a long time. Lucy and Christine had been through break-ups, of course, but neither had ever been married. They did what they could, but they hardly had any good answers for their unhappy friend. There was some talk about "better times ahead," and of "getting back in the game, sweetie--you're still young and beautiful"--but it was far too soon for Joanna to feel much consoled by the prospect.

****************************

He thought he'd wait a few days to talk with her about the arrangements, let her have some time to get used to the idea, but Joanna came and found him two nights later.

"Can we talk?"

Michael nodded and said, "why don't we go into the bedroom."

Joanna had a piece of paper in her hand with some notes written on it. She said, "first, Michael, just so you know--I don't want the divorce. I don't want to lose you, and if there's the slightest chance, any chance at all, of us staying together I want to take it. I'll do anything you say."

She waited, knowing the answer, and sighed when he shook his head and said, "sorry, Joanna, but no." She was too cried-out to weep anymore. She said, "okay then. I thought we should talk about the kids, and custody, and money and all those things."

He shocked her then. He smiled and said, "well, I've got one piece of good news for you. I bought the house around the corner that was for sale, the Hendricksons', and I'm having it fixed-up and repainted. That way Amy and Will can go back and forth easily--she can even ride her bike there now, she can stay on the sidewalk and doesn't need to cross the street."

"A house? You bought a house? My God, Michael, what were you thinking? where did the money come from?"

He told her about Aunt Jane's bequest, about how it covered the new house and the needed repairs and still left nearly $80,000 for a college trust fund, and she just stared at him.

"So this happened what, three months ago and you didn't bother to mention it to me?" She was pissed. He stared right back and said, "yes, well, I believe you were the first one in this marriage to start doing things secretly."

That stung, and Joanna had to look away. "Yes, you're right," she said. "It's just--No, I see your point." She shook herself, tried to let go of her anger.

"Okay, so ... so we'll be living really close together. I can see that will be good for the kids. That was one of my biggest worries."

They talked for a long time, about custody and visits and privacy; even about dating and sleep-overs. In the end they settled tentatively on joint legal custody but with Amy and Will continuing to live mostly in the current house with Joanna. They'd visit freely with Michael at his house, and have bedrooms for whenever they wanted to stay over, but letting them have the stability of one primary home seemed like a good idea.

They went on to money--to pension plans and child support and alimony. Michael earned somewhat more than Joanna so he'd be paying something, but not a lot.

At the end of the conversation they talked about lawyers, and about keeping it civil and non-confrontational. Michael said, "I want to thank you, Jo. You're being really great about this; I was afraid of a fight."

Looking right at him she said, "I'm not going to contest this, Michael, if a divorce is what you really want. I'm not going to make it ugly, so we end up hating each other."

With a little smile she said, "and if my reasonable behavior gives you second thoughts at all, makes you wonder if you're really doing the right thing, that would be okay with me too!"

He smiled back at her. It was a nice moment.

****************************

Michael was behind Marina, pumping her vigorously on the bed, holding onto her hips. He was elated at his control. Doggie-style was his favorite, just thinking about it always got him excited, and to be doing it without coming instantly was thrilling.

Not to mention that Marina's pussy felt fantastic, and she was squirming her ass back against him in an unbelievably erotic way. He could feel her starting to pick it up, whispering at him to "fuck me harder," pushing back at him, acting like her own orgasm was coming.

He thrust harder and faster, joining his groans to her gasping voice, and in another minute they both came, practically at the same time, banging together frantically. He collapsed, pulling her gently over on her side, still spooned in behind her so that his dick stayed inside her. He glanced at the clock: 17 minutes.

They lay there relaxing, sweaty. Michael stroked and kissed Marina's neck and shoulders gently. He couldn't help it--he knew he was just a patient, a client, but he was so grateful to Marina, and fond of her too.

"Okay, okay baby," she murmured, pulling away from him. She rolled over and smiled. "Don't get too lovey-dovey on me--but that was pretty good, wasn't it?"

She grinned as she said, "you're making ME come these days, rather than me getting you to shoot whenever I want." In a teasing, sing-song voice she said, "some girl's gonna be awfully lucky...." They both laughed, and she climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom. Marina nearly always took a quick shower after sex, leaving Michael to do the same when she was finished.

When they were both dressed, she said, "I think you're just about done with me, Michael." She chuckled and said, "it's kind of ironic, my work--the more my clients make me feel good, the sooner I have to cut them loose!

"And honey, you have been making me feel really, really good lately."

Michael knew she was laying it on a bit thick, but he still liked it. And the fact was, he did seem to be pleasing her, consistently lasting long enough for her to reach her own orgasm if she wanted, pushing and twisting against him, moaning or talking to him.

More seriously, she said, "I actually think the next half-dozen appointments should be our last ones. We haven't done it cowgirl style, though I think you're not going to have any trouble with that one. And I want to review a few of the things we've talked about, okay?"

He nodded. "I don't know how I'm going to be able to thank you, Marina."

With a dead-pan expression he said, "would it be all right if I bought you a Mercedes?" He enjoyed her whoop of laughter, and laughed right along with her.