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Click here"But none of it was my fault," she said. "I think I need help. Dale growing up, I knew that I wasn't pretty. I also knew that I didn't have a hot body. I realized by the time that I was eighteen that I didn't want to be alone. So to get a man, I had to use what I had. I liked sex. I liked it a lot, and I was willing to let them do whatever they wanted. It made me popular, but only with men. Women hated me.
The first guy who really got to me was Andy. He was big and strong and handsome back then. I gave him my virginity on my nineteenth birthday, and we never looked back. But after Jeff was born, Andy changed, or maybe he reverted back to the way he'd been. He started to blame me for everything. And he left me several times. He always came back when he was tired of fucking whoever he had found or when he ran out of money and needed a place to stay.
As much as I loved him, it took me a while to realize that he never felt the same about me. So over the years, when he was away for too long, I got lonely and whenever he wasn't around, I offered what I had to other men. I guess I considered it my way of getting back at him for what he was doing to me. Both of us could cheat. It gave me a feeling of power.
Then I met you, Honey. You were like a knight in shining armor. I loved you so much that it hurt. And you loved me right back. But I was frightened, Dale. I was afraid that sooner, or later you'd come to your senses and find someone like Maggie. Or you'd leave me too. So ... I cheated on you first. Maybe Andy just twisted me to the point where I didn't see any harm in it. I always gave you as much pussy as you wanted. And you were the only one I ever loved.
Of course, I could never resist Andy. If he came around, we fucked, it was that simple. I always loved you more, but he was like catnip to me. Until you caught us. The second time around, he blackmailed me. He kept telling me that he was going to tell you. I had no choice, Dale. I couldn't lose you again. And it was just sex. I only let him have what he wanted so I could have you.
Today was the worst of all, though. I had no idea that you had gotten married again. I had no idea that you had replaced me. Or that my kids had forgotten me and adopted your new wife to replace me too. I just felt alone and unloved. I felt like I didn't matter, and no one loved me. So I went out and got drunk, and those ass holes took advantage of me." I noticed then that Brenda was acting oddly.
"I want us all to go to the past, back to the beginning," she said. "I want Jeff and the girls to go back to when they were kids. No I want them to go back before that. I want to push them back into my pussy, so they can be born again. And this time I want you to be their real father. I'm going to be a better mother to them this time, and everything is going to be perfect. This time they'll be perfect little angels, and they'll look like us. Except for that evil little bitch Shannon. We're not having her again. This time we're having two boys okay?"
Just as she said that she leaned over and put her head on my shoulder. I could feel her face twitching, and I noticed that only one side of her face was moving when she talked. She was also slurring her words a lot.
I leaned over behind me and saw Shannon there. She had heard her mother's rant and was about to say something. I looked at her and silently mouthed for her to call a doctor quickly.
"I love you Dale," Brenda said softly. "Take me to bed and I'll make it really good." She was slurring her words so badly I could barely make out what she was saying.
"I love you too, Brenda," I said. "I'll carry you to bed."
I picked her up and carried her towards the emergency room.
Epilogue.
Andy pulled through. He made a full recovery, but still needed a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Brenda had a stroke. I had recognized the signs as we spoke and got her into the emergency room. The years of abuse and stress along with a lifetime of emotional upheavals simply were too much for her.
Though physically fine, except for a slight weakness on one side of her body, mentally the Brenda we all knew had left her body. She retreated into a world inside of herself. In Brenda's mind, she and I are still married, and we have three small children.
I visit her once or twice a week, and she asks me when we can go home and make more babies. She thinks that Maggie is her twin sister and warns me to watch out for her because she's sure that Maggie wants to fuck me.
Maggie and I are the only ones in the family who can visit Brenda. Whenever the kids visit her, she goes into a psychotic fit. Her mind can't accept them. Strangely enough, she has no reaction to Shannon. Shannon can stand right in front of Brenda and Brenda simply doesn't see her or acknowledge her presence. Shannon thinks it's a hoot.
Andy visits Brenda a lot. He combs her hair and feeds her. He feels a lot of guilt for how she turned out. Brenda thinks he's her brother.
Lauren and Greg are happily married with a baby on the way. Lauren works in the same pharmacy that Greg works in.
Jeff graduated with honors from a technical school. All the time that he and I spent together working on cars got to him. He wanted and got a career in automotive technology. After a few years, we plan on opening an automotive service center. He wants to specialize in performance modifications for car lovers.
Maggie and I are still very happily married. Shannon is still with us, in fact, no one was overly shocked when Shannon moved down the hall and into our room, but that's another story.
The end.
- COMMENTS
Good story although I was expecting Dale to marry Shannon, but the plot probably needed Maggie for the wedding scene.
The story was already way too long and vapid, and Andy deserved his fate. Brenda was a nutcase and had a stroke at the end. But the stuff with Shannon moving in their bedroom really jumped the shark and ruined the story. Unnecessary and grotesque. Yeesh.
Good story and well written. Dale didn’t force Lauren to invite Brenda to the wedding. It was a suggestion to Lauren. Obviously some readers are not mature enough or have been through a divorce. When you’re a parent you want the best for the bride or the groom. In this case they were correct in inviting Brenda. It’s too bad that she wasn’t involved in the planning of Lauren’s wedding but she brought it on herself.
This story reminded me of my wedding to my wife. This is a second marriage for us and we’ve been together almost 40 years. With children on both sides and dealing with your not my father and you’re not my mother. This story hit home. Some of the readers have made silly comments and I believe that the reason that they do is lack of life experiences.
Dale is the villain of this story. First he pisses on the flames of reconciliation between Brenda and Andy by playing a white knight. It’s clear Brenda loves Andy more than she does Dale, there is no evidence of it being otherwise. Dale forced Lauren to invite her emotionally abusive mother (which he knew she would bring Andy). He also wanted to rub his new woman in her face. This wimpy tendencies with his passive aggressive nature is the true toxic trait of this story.
Some really excellent writing. It seemed like Brenda's biggest flaw was not being able to say no.
Couldn't finish this. Gave up half way. I tried, really I did. But god damned if he wasn't a pissy assed wimp through out the part of the story I read.
Brenda is was all about herself, prolly a psychopath of some sort or nuther, just like andy, altho andys are a pretty frequent presence in this fucked up world. Not real happy w/ MCs faithfulness and slavish devotion to brenda. 4 stars. rk
Look in the dictionary for ‘Trailer Trash’ and you’ll find Brenda’s pictures. She may be the most delusional character on this site.
Excellent story of humans being... human.
The love, the delusion, the rationalization, the drama, the characters and their steadfastness, along with their changes, and the wrap-up, even though it is somewhat open (and not particularly conventional in at least one way), are all really well-developed and enjoyable. There is enough eroticism to support posting it here, but it emphasizes that this is properly Brenda and Dale's story.
Five for you
One serious problem, from your MC, our hero:
"There is something about watching a middle aged woman get fucked. There's something incongruous about it. You know that you're watching someone's mother, spread her legs and thrust her well used pussy back at the guy who's fucking her with everything she has. It just seems wrong."
The ONLY way that this opinion has ANY validity, is that most of these incidents are, and probably should be, PRIVATE, and seeing them is perhaps an unwelcome invasion.
Other than that, absolutely, middle-aged women are beautiful, or sexy as hell, or both, when happily being railed in their well-used pussy. It is absolutely right, when it is consensual and with the right guy.
28yr old bitch Dale marries aunty Brenda who has 3 kids, oldest 14yrs to play house and daddy. Then he cries like the wimp he is when she's caught fucking Andy. Then he gives her access to all the money he has.
If there anything worse than trailer park white trash
Fucking too long. Dale is a an original asshole who marries a 7yrs older than him woman with 3 kids. What a fucking loser. Same shit MCs
The only thing better than the ending of this story is how many readers are blowing a gasket over it. I still want a lovely Incest or Group Sex vignette with Dale, Maggie, and Shannon.
So many unhealthy relationship and so little time. I am impressed with the character development.
Fourteen pages of "The Best of Jerry Springer," but it is strong, realistic and devoid of the lazy, empty and idiotic cliche-filled writing that drowns this place like sewage on a hot summer day. This cat is one of the best ten writers on this site. Fifty bloody stars.
Yikes. How did the blackmail work? He already knew about the ex. Huh? Brenda was a maze of psychoses.
And Shannon ending up with him and Maggie ... in their bedroom? Wtf? He was a stepfather to her for years. The author's ending really killed this story.
Is it weird that I find the relationship of Dale, Maggie, and Shannon incredibly sexy? lol. For some reason their relationship seems fated and beautiful. And super hot lmao.
Brenda was definitely suffering from mental illness seemingly stemming from body issues. Her mental state continued to spiral.
Shannon moving into the bedroom with Dale and Maggie was unnecessary and creepy.
The blackmail was ridiculous. Dale knew about the ex. How did it remotely succeed? Balderdash.
How did the blackmail remotely work? Made no sense that she caved to her ex again. Whatever. She was extremely delusional.
as the author you set a world record in reinventing a character's opportunities to the tune of 18 quadrillion times in this overdose of redundancy for the characters Brenda and Andy. Seriously, i read it, but it was simply over cooked by 8 pages to go. You apparently did not have an editor or reading friend to reel you in from this insanity of dragging us through the mud that was so slimey that you could not see the other side of the quagmire/bog.
Brenda might be the most delusional wife ever in an SS06 story and that's saying something.
Normally I like longer stories from this author but this one stopped being interesting by about page 6.
Although it was too long, I loved how the kids gravitated to the Step-father, who lived them more than their mother.
SS06 has a gift for completely destroying a good story with the last sentence.
I thought Brenda was the piece of shit until the very end when Dale took the award and started doing his daughter.
I’m done with SS06.
I really enjoyed the story it was really well thought out. I do wish Brenda
got mental help and did better. I really look forward to see how things
turn out for Shannon, Maggie and Dale.
GOOD JOB
This is my 3rd or 4th read through, and it's still a great story. I love your stories with a fiery little redhead who saves him. I really hope you write more! It's been a while!
[30.03.23]
Excellent story!
Shannon is def a pit bull, Brenda's delusional, Andy's a ???????, Dale is a paragon, Maggie is the Dog's Bollocks.
11/10!!!!!
Don’t waste your time on this. Just like the ppl in the story, author probly had a stroke while writing this
Brenda is a weak, worthless piece of shit! She should be on some street corner with a pimp who beats her daily!
The triangle with Dale, Maggie and his daughter Shannon (yes daughter though not biological) is beyond disturbing. Uggh.
What cracked me up was a 28 year old marrying a 35 year old (whose not really 35) with 3 kids 😳 like who the fuck marries some old skank with cellulite, a pot belly and flabby tits? 😂😂😂
The stuff with Dale and Maggie and his daughter Brenda (who cares about the sperm donor) is execrable.
I gave this Story 4 Stars . I still cannot believe that Shannon is living with her Dad and his wife .
Brenda could be a star on Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer. Sort of can't believe I read the whole thing.
Let you into a little secret, you’re all wasting your time posting comments here, Stang hasn’t posted on this site for five years he last modified his profile seven years ago. He ain’t listening anymore.
He’s on another site now (we all know where) and there’s another thirty odd stories since he left here, though he’s not posted anything for over a year on that site either.
Was right up with you until the last sentence. Think it would have been better if Shannon finally left the nest once mom had her stroke. Kind of surprised Dale did not "warn" Brenda about his marriage and introduce Maggie to Brenda prior to the marriage ceremony. Was clear that Brenda had some serious deficiencies and was in need of some major counseling. Dale was clearly a saint.
mfj
I was with you 100% until Shannon moved into the master bedroom. Nicely done and creative. You should have given Maggie a nice Bentley or something like that.
I just couldn’t keep reading, slowed to a stop on page 9. The same crap from the woman and Andy, over and over and over.
Shannon loved Dale so much that she became his "mini-me," following his lead in car, collage and career. He was clearly her male parental figure and that role has great influence over how the child views self, others and the world at large. Very few things could be more destructive than to insert sexual activity into a young woman's relationship with her Dad. Shannon will make Brenda look like a paragon of mental health once the toxicity of Dale and Maggie fucking her takes hold.
After reading the first page can you all say = WHITE FUCKING TRASH? lol. Dam
Drgwng, i see you dont write anything here but comments, no stories or poems. Perhaps youre not the finest of judges of literary art. The story type wasnt really my favorite but it was well written, it moved well and was creative. Pernaps a bit more proof reading, but it showed skill that i dont have because ive never written a story or poem here ether, but i see quality in things that i can't produce myself, and to me the story line isnt all that important. Whats wrong with constructive comments? R. Bachman.
Wow, was this ever a flaming pile of poo. Easily this author's worst, I had no idea he could produce this level of crap. Also, at least ten pages too long. The Mc had to be one of the most complete idiots ever put on paper. Compared to some of this writer other work must have been on drugs when typing this. Just ridiculously bad and will force me to study muc
First time through I thought it wasnt too bad. But this time I realized how it dragged.....really dragged.
Even at that it got so damned cliched, which if those were cut out this would have been whittled it down to 9 pages.
Honestly would have been better if she was more like a real person instead of a blow up doll with the ability to talk.
The emotional impact would have been far greater for the reader if it were just Andy she was cheating with.
Speaking of Andy...you nailed 90% of the southern Republican boyz below the Mason Dixon line, talking like a tough Alpha male, while being a worthless limp dick of an Omega male. If that was your goal...good on ya, if not you ust know way more of them pantie wearing skits than you realize.
It was a 4 or 5 until that last line…..blood or not, an ongoing parent-child relationship should not ever turn sexual.
A three way with step parents? This one goes beyond normal levels of creativity. For its length. I caught very few mistakes. Cool read. Rated it 5.
Like some of the other stories. TOO much is spent of the cheating wife's story. Drags the whole story down in the gutter.
Long story but worth each and every word. I think that you have a great sense of story telling and I've just enjoyed the hell out of yet another of your tales.
Loved it and would love to read even a flash follow up with Dale, Maggie, and Shannon.
The funniest part of stories like this is these scenarios might as well be set in Narnia they are such fantasy. Isn't it interesting how ALL of these types of stories have perfect husbands, who are always sexually amazing, have great bodies for their age and the kids love them more than the wife? I want pictures and transcripts from reality. You know it's bullshit. I am not saying the men cheated first but these situations are never as one sided.
Jesus what a twisting tale, but really so good except for the ending where Shannon moves into there bedroom. That just dropped a star for me.
TOTALLY PATHETIC, AND SO IS DGHEAR FOR PRAISING THIS CRAP!
YOU HAVE COMPLETELY RUINED ANY DEGREE OF RESPECT I EVER HAD FOR YOU.
I QUIT READING ON PAGE SEVEN...
I have been reading a number of your stories and found that you are one terrific writer.
I had to stay with this story just to see how it ended. It really held my interests.
with respect
DG Hear
A great story. I really enjoyed your writings. Love to see u continue the story with Shannon and Dale.
I want to read the story.
But this one is twice as long as was needed.
Dale is such a clueless schmuck that by all rights he should have been swindled out of all his assets and ended up jerking off to photos of Mustangs. But since he's got plot armor, of course things turn out great and he ends up banging his new wife and stepdaughter together. Sounds like a parody plot, but it's played straight. Funny stuff.
Went on too long. Brenda obviously needed therapy to address her self esteem issues. She allows herself to be used by her ex-husband and no one in the entire family even consider that there might be something wrong with Brenda psychologically? Kind of a stretch.
Good story overall, bit too long for my liking but stuck it out and was happy with the ending.
Keep up the good work :)
I agree with the Anon of 03/08/20 except that for me the ending reduced a 5 star story to a 2, close to a 1.
The writer has completely turned the values the characters had on their heads and had them doing something totally inconsistent with who they are and what they stood for. It is bizarre.
Brilliant piece. Very sad in the end. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Bio Dad should be castrated. Bio mom should have her mouth and it sewn shut
Interesting ending but somewhat bizarre even if dad and daughter are not biologically linked. And making Maggie share her husband? Sounds like the people that think a monogamous relationship is sacred just threw that out the window in the end. The relationship between the three should have been explored more deeply before giving the reader such a shocking ending. It cheapened the characters and therefore cheapened the story as a whole. What was a 5 became a 3 with one stroke of the pen.
I agree most of the Characters acted Dumber than Dirt .. And I am sorry for giving Dirt a Bad Name .Except for Shannon But She should have told her Daddy .
I picked up a fair number of birds with broken wings, but on my best or worst days I never brought home one as traumatized as Brenda. Even I would have figured out she couldn't be healed after the finding her with Andy the first time. The only character in the whole story that I really liked was Shannon, everyone else was either too angelic, blind, despicable or simply too stupid. Now, the ending... I guess that was inevitable, so I'm still waiting for "...but, that's another story. Signed: BTW
Go back and read the story just a mite slower and you'll notice that Shannon is NOT actually his daughter. From the time she was a little girl and all through the story they had a special relationship that everyone noticed and that her mother resented. She was her stepfather's wife long before he married her mother. She just wasn't old enough and he wasn't ready to think of her as his woman. When she was old enough, she picked guys she could use as fill-ins to have her pussy punched and replaced them when she was in need of another good fucking. She stayed with Dale and Maggie until he was ready to give her what she always wanted and then the story you were reading ended.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Great ending!
Shannon adored Dale, so it was nice they got to be together in the end. Dale never got to have biological children of his own, which was a tragedy as he was a great Dad. Maggie was too old, but Shannon would have been desperate to have his children... I'd be surprised if she didn't have at least three kids with him.
Good story and good plot all the way through but to end it on his daughter sleeping with him was just a good way to ruin an otherwise great story.
Really enjoyed this story had some ups and downs, with sections that where not as good as your usual offerings but a part 2 would be great.
A pretty good story. But I gotta say, that StangStar can dream up some pretty good characters. A lying, cheating, conniving whore who’s morals make Jack the Ripper seem like an alter boy. And a brilliant engineer who is as dumb as a box of fucking rocks when it comes to “real world” situations. Interesting mix though. And I did like the story, even though I thought it was about six pages too long.
It was a good story until the very end. Everyone got what they had coming to them. Then the real tragedy of the story. Shannon moved into our room. That killed the hours I spent reading this story.
I never would have guessed that Stang would turn one of his heroes into Woody Allen. Yuck!
The cheating wife gets to live in a fantasy world
The two kids have families and careers
and the hero of the story has a hot bi sexual wife and they tag team his daughter
How is that not a happy ending?
I just couldn't get past this part: "I just looked at him in shock. I wondered how I could have ever risked losing Dale over an asshole like him. The problem was that when it came to Andy, my body just took over. There was something about him that just overwhelmed me. My mind and my heart knew that Dale was a better man and he loved both me and my kids far more than Andy was capable of. But when Andy and I got together, something just happened."
REALLY????!!!!! After having Dale in her life as long as she did then letting Andy continually come back into her life with that comment above, this VERY LONG-WINDED TALE is just plain disgusting!
No, No, No !!! Dang you! Dang you! Dang you! I had a terrible feeling that you were going to really screw up the ending and I hated making myself read to the end, but I did, and now I'll feel bad about this for a long time. What kind of perverted thrill do you get out of all the pain and anguish you put us through the way you ended the story. SHAME ON YOU!!! You could have made a happy ending but you chose not to. Dang you!
You captured the essence of a twisted mind. I work with dimwits like that everyday. Each character I could relate to. Great job.
As in all great tragedies, the hero or heroine comes to grief, not by the events that challenge them, but by the way in which the flaws in their character shape their response to these event.
Brenda is a truly tragic figure. A woman of such low self esteem that she can't believe anyone could truly love her, a woman who can only justify her worth by the number of dicks that men put inside her, a woman so lost in her own capacity for self-delusion that she can barely distinguish between fantasy and reality, cunning and stupidity, using and being used.
Dale may appear at first to be the hero - but story isn't really about him. He is the ballast, the anchor, an island at the centre of a whirlpool of continually evolving characters and events. He doesn't really grow or initiate the momentum of the story, he remains a constant - a whetstone - a focal point for the actions and evolution of the other characters.
The end is as inevitable as it tragic. Brenda sinks deeper and deeper into her own delusional world until her entire grasp on reality has disappeared, and, by some strange, ironic twist, gradually replaces Dale as the immovable island around which the other characters begin to evolve.
A brilliantly written tale of betrayal and consequence that manages to balance compassion, irony, humour and suspense with a skillful and subtle insight into the human frailties that (to varying degrees) lurk within us all.
LA
I really enjoyed reading this. I am theme reading right now - cheating/revenge and cane across this. I enjoyed the character building as well as the storyline and would love to read more by what I think is a talented writer. Sure there were some mistakes, but they didn’t detract much.
except for the stupid wimpy male. I liked Shannon better than Dale.
Something was very wrong about the way you wrote Dale. I mean how stupid a man can be?
should check and recheck all the fine print and possessions, TK U MLJ LV NV
When you mentioned the story had a Sci-Fi element, I bailed. Immediately. Don't get me wrong, I love sci-fi. But it doesn't belong in the loving wives section, at least in my opinion. I say, if you want to write sci-fi, please take it to the fantasy section.
But other than that it was a real piece of shit. Talk about beating a dead horse, you must have added 3 or 4 extra pages by just restating the same concepts and retelling the same stories from all the characters' perspectives. Are you getting paid by the word? Psychotic cheating woman, clueless wimpy husband, even for the second wife. Just obnoxious and repugnant. And stupid, did I say stupid?
that needs culling the first time cheated as you usually do --- as said before the last line killed it for me as i have stepkids--that was sick ss06 unlike most of your stories that usually get a 5 --this gets a 3
Didn't see that ending and didn't expect it. Your ending didn't really fit the story as-far-as I'm concerned!
A long story but worth it.Brenda has a lot of emotional problems from the get go.
I agree, it was a really good story, even if a little much to have to send Brenda crazy in the end, until that last sentence. Yes, we know she's his stepdaughter, but it took the whole thing in a direction it just didn't need to go.
This story was great until you killed it with the final sentence and what it was hinting at.
and it is. It is a bit long though, just in covering the transportation that went on. The characters were pretty clear, or transparent. Do I think that they should have stayed together, no. Why, because they never addressed the problem from the beginning, in that after the first time caught, they should have realized that she needed help. The kids knew it, but hubby didn't even address it, or try to fix things, so that getting caught the second time was inevitable. Did he still love her, I guarantee it, but not the same way. I felt sorry for him in a way, but not overly so. What the real shame was, that Brenda probably could have lived happily ever after, with a loving husband, if she had received the proper treatment after the first time she was caught. All through the story, Brenda was conflicted, and torn. she knew what she was doing was wrong, but in her own words, she couldn't help herself. This really is a story of tragedy, for her. I really felt sorry for Brenda, not that everyone else lived happily ever after, but they had all that experience in their lives that they would never be able to get rid of.
You have got to write a sequel explaining the three way relationship of Shannon, Maggie, and Dale. It is simply cruel to throw that in at the end and just let it lie there.
Don't marry a woman with such a significant amount of baggage.
Maybe you could marry her if she had just 1 kid. But 3 of her own from the start??
And then you have none of your own blood even after so long a marriage?
It just speaks of bad decisions on the woman's part.
Even if she was a widow, unless she had planned her life properly, no one should have so many kids until they are financially comfortable. And have made arrangements for the future of their family.
Seems like the length of the story has exceeded the author's grasp, it wouldn't surprise me if it was the worst proofread of all his stories. There were words mashed together without spacing all over the place, missing words and other typical errors that go hand in hand with sloppiness.
14 pages??? SS could have cut it to 4 pages and it would still have been enough. Seems to me that every one in the story was a glutton for punishment except for Shannon, she at least tried to make the others look to the obvious, the rest kept going back and forth, over and over the same shit ad nauseum. You have done lots better than this one SS, you've disappointed me.
That being said, if Dale truly loved Brenda then after the first time that he got back together with her they needed to do at minimum three things. First was to get her tested for any STD's. Her behavior sounds a lot like late stage syphilis. Second was to get her out of Lauren's apartment and home where she could be watched while undergoing intensive psychotherapy as well as a good restraining order against Andy so he doesn't screw her up anymore. Third would be to have surveillance cameras to make sure that Andy did not see her again during said therapy. I am a BTB guy for the most part, but these actions while extreme are needed as he should not have any trust in her promises anymore. For the most part, he should have stayed away from her since he got the divorce, but since he didn't he was a glutton for punishment otherwise. Brenda simply could not be trusted, as someone once said she was two sandwiches short of a toolbox. If this is how she loved him, I would hate to see how she hated him. He should not have taken up with her again. At least not without those measures in place. And that would be unreasonable on him for then he wasn't her husband but her jailer. She had zero self control, and basically instead of the Midas touch, she had the exact opposite by turning everything she touched into shit.
Sigh. Good read until the epilogue.
Why ruin a good story with an epilogue that changes your characters?
Really annoying.
Except for that little curve ball at the end it was a rather enjoyable story. I feel slightly bad for Brenda she was a little more whacked than the average Stangstar wife.
When is the story going to be finished from the last part of Shannon 's actions?
that you and some other authors write about.
Before I married my wife, we'd had numerous conversations which involved our definitions of cheating. Not necessarily making a conversation slated towards that, just that it included it. There was no way either of us could ever say we didn't know the other's expectations.
And yet here you have Brenda who had been married for twelve (?) years and she apparently doesn't understand that about her husband...?
I ask because how can she NOT know he thinks all of these strange fucks are cheating...? No way she doesn't know that - or why hide them - and yet she's not wracked with guilt over them... it doesn't eat her alive to know what she's doing is wrong and would be awful for the man she "loves"...
Towards the end you make it sound like she realized that since Andy cheated on her that she had to cheat on Dale... really...? Really...? Come on, REALLY...?
One bad relationship and we're to believe that shapes her entire psyche - or deforms rather... If we're to believe that she mimicked Andy because she now believed that's the way all relationships worked... Why didn't she try to beat on Dale too...? Isn't THAT how all relationships work too...? Or walk out on him for extended periods of time...?
But no, it's only the sex part that she makes part of her personality.
You can't now argue she was always a slut... you've told us Andy was her first and not until AFTER she was eighteen...
Maybe you should admit that at times you have no clue what motivates your characters - which unfortunately for an author is not such a great thing.
By the way, I should point out I generally enjoy your writing... it's just when you try to delude me with crap that I want to beat you with a wet noodle...
Stang - Since this is the first time I'm commenting on one of your stories, I thought I'd let you know upfront that I'm generally a big fan of your writing. Having said that I had a major issue with this story, which is why it didn't get me the way most of your stories do. No, it's not the length. Brenda has obvious issues. She's basically a slut resulting from very low self-esteem. For some reason, it's never explained why, Dale falls head over heels in love. But through their entire marriage he never notices her issues. Her life is a tragedy and instead of her husband and daughter getting her the help she needs, they treat her like a pariah. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty big BTB fan, but IMHO there was no "B" here. Just a really sad woman, with self-destructive tendencies who needed significant counseling and assistance from her supposedly loving husband, but never got it. I'm not condoning or even accepting her cheating, but when her issues are finally discovered by clueless Dale, he abandons her. She broke her vows, but so did he. The "in sickness and health" part.
Keep up the otherwise great work!
Liked it a lot. Now the sequal for another time you mentioned should be written.