The Weekend Pt. 02

"So, let me get this straight. You tell Lee that you're going away with Nurse McSteamy for the entire weekend, and then you spend the next three days fucking yourself silly; is that right? What is this, Grey's Anatomy? Please tell me that I misunderstood you somewhere."

"No, that about covers it."

Trudy snorted a laugh and shook her head at Regina, who looked straight ahead of her. Right now, the two sisters sat on white, plastic outdoor furniture that decorated a patio overlooking a backyard. Overhead awning that extended from the stylish one-story house provided cover from the heat of the afternoon. The breeze that intermittently wisped around touched the skin with cool, soft caresses.

Regina enjoyed the time she spent with Trudy. The two weren't especially close as younger siblings but had grown so after the death of their mother. Now, they practically had open invitations to each other's homes. They came and went as they damn well pleased and dared their husbands to have an ill word to say about it.

Right now, Trudy looked at her younger sister with a mixture of perverted admiration for her audacity and incredulous horror for her stupidity.

A part of her got a sort of evil pleasure out of it. In her opinion, Lee deserved a little comeuppance for doing what he did. His actions destroyed Regina, and the fallout of consequences continued to do so every day.

On the other hand, Trudy recognized this for what it really was: self-destructive behavior.

It had been a few hours since Regina's argument with Lee. He left in a fit of rage, with slamming doors and squealing tires. As the seconds clicked into minutes, and those minutes reached 60, she figured that she was tired of sitting in the house and crying.

So, she went to the place that she always went to when words needed spilling; Trudy's patio.

"Well, I gotta hand it to you; it took a big, hairy set of balls to pull that shit off. I'm kind of impressed in some twisted way. I never would have thought you had it in you." Trudy said with a snicker.

Regina sighed and looked off into the back yard. The sunglasses covering her eyes shaded the sadness in them.

"Lee wasn't as impressed with my balls as you are."

Trudy shook her head and harrumphed into her cup of iced tea before she took a sip. "Did you expect him to be?"

The wind caught a wisp of Regina's hair and feathered it in her face. With the crook of her finger, she caught it and tucked it behind her ear.

"Of course not. I just...I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have done it." she said as her eyes fell to her lap.

"Maybe you shouldn't have?" Trudy asked dramatically, astonished that Regina would make that a "maybe" statement. "I get the whole trying to teach him a lesson line of thought, but that never works. All it does is exacerbate an already volatile situation."

"I wasn't trying to teach him a lesson or anything like that." Regina said as she momentarily looked her sister in the eyes. She had to turn away though. Her stare was just too hard to look at. "I did it because I wanted to. It had nothing to do with Lee."

Trudy leaned forward with her elbows perched on the table that sat between them. As always, her eyes studied her sister critically when she spoke. Regina said so much more than the words she chose; one just had to pay attention. Her face was an open window. Even her body language betrayed her when she said something she didn't fully believe.

"C'mon Gee Gee. It had nothing to do with him? Really?" she asked skeptically. Then she shook her head and spit out, "Bullshit."

Regina's eyes widened with the incredulity at being called out. Her mouth popped open with choice words to cut in and defend herself, but Trudy was having none of it. She held her hand up and shook her head before Regina could even start protesting.

"Yes, Yes. I'm calling bullshit on that one, sis. No one tells their husband that they're about to fuck another guy unless they want to hurt him. No one. You're a smart girl. You could have done what most people do and had a quick, discrete one-night stand. Hell, you could have had a full-blown affair and got away with it for months. But you didn't. You wanted to be Miss High and Mighty and make a point about being upfront about cheating instead of waiting to get caught. But most of all, you wanted that man to suffer. So, you went away for 3 days and cut off all communication with him because you knew that he would be sitting in that house torturing himself with images of what you were doing. The movie in his head was probably 10 times worse than what was really happening. It would probably have been more merciful to just send him some pictures; at least he wouldn't have had to wonder."

Regina's cut her eyes at Trudy with a scowl on her face. Sometimes, she hated her sister's busy-bodied observations. What really irritated her was something that she didn't want to admit; how on the money she was.

"Since when do you take his side?" She asked bitterly as she sat back and crossed her legs angrily. The foot that dangled in the air shook nervously.

"I'm always on your side, Gee Gee. Always have been. And you know I'm not the biggest fan of Lee; not after he did what he did. Personally, I think you should have cut his dick off when you found out."

Regina almost had to smile at that. Almost. When he looked at her sister's face, the serious expression stopped her lips from curling upwards. There was more.

"But?"

Trudy smiled a small smile used to soften the blow of a controversial statement. "But...I think it's time that you started being honest. Whatever you have going on with you started long before Lee cheated. You've been angry for a while now, and to tell you the truth, I don't think it has anything to do with him."

She paused for a moment. She knew her next words were going to strike a nerve, and she regretted saying them. But she loved her sister and realized that she'd stood silent for far too long now. She didn't want to say anything to add to Regina's pain, but her silence implied agreement with what was going on.

Part of her blamed herself for this debacle. Regina looked up to her, and she shouldn't have passively sat back hoping that things would work out.

With hesitance, she finished what she wanted to say. "I think you're still depressed about...you know."

She knew. Regina's lips pursed angrily, and she shook her head vigorously as she put her hand up to stop her sister from talking. Without another word, she began to gather her purse and prepare to leave.

"Regina..." Trudy called with exasperation. She knew this would happen. "C'mon; stop. Sit back down. Don't leave. You always do this whenever anyone tries to talk about Cass..."

"SHUT UP! Just shut up!" Regina screamed suddenly. Her finger pointed menacingly as she glared at her sister. "Don't even SAY her name!"

Trudy popped up from her seat and returned her sister's icy stare with a determined look of her own. "No! I won't shut up! I'm gonna say what I have to say because I love you and I can't stand to see you in so much pain!

Regina started to stomp away, but Trudy wasn't having it. She rushed around the table to block her escape and stood in front of her with a defiant look.

"Get outta my way." Regina sinisterly warned as her eyes narrowed.

Trudy smirked, as if she were accepting a challenge and issuing one of her own. "Or what?"

She then closed the gap with a couple of intimidating steps. Regina, who knew that she hadn't beaten her sister in a fight EVER, backed up to preserve space. This kept going until Regina's butt hit the patio table, which was bolted into the concrete. There was nowhere else to go.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked upon Trudy. Regina knew what she wanted to say; she knew. But she couldn't hear it. It was too painful.

Seeing her sister's shimmering eyes begging her to not give voice to her pain broke Trudy's heart. Her face softened with sadness. In an abrupt move, she grabbed her sister into a tight hug.

Regina's eyes started to spill those tears. Her first instinct was to shake them away. She was so fucking sick of crying. But she couldn't stop them. Instead, she snaked her arms around her sister and squeezed.

"Her name was Cassie, Gee Gee."

"Stop it. Please." Regina begged. Just hearing her name weakened her to the point that she was barely able to stand.

"You held her for six months. You did the best you could. Her premature birth wasn't your fault."

"Please." She pled once again in a shaky voice.

"Lee getting that girl pregnant had nothing to do with you. It was an accident."

Pregnant. She couldn't believe Trudy actually said it. When the two sisters talked, it was a word that they avoided like a Pastor avoids cuss words.

Regina felt her throat constrict, like the life was getting choked out of her. Her hand involuntarily went down to clutch her cursed, barren stomach. What was it that the doctors said? Her womb was uninhabitable? Unwelcoming? A hostile environment to carry a baby full term?

Everything that she'd been avoiding giving thought to rushed back to her with centripetal force. The two miscarriages were bad enough, but the heartbreaking disappointment of losing the third one because it was born prematurely was a death blow.

Her name was Cassie. For the two weeks that she fought for her life in that incubator, her name was Cassie.

Regina ripped herself from her sister's arms with a push. Anger replaced the immense pain that she was feeling.

"It has EVERYTHING to do with me!" she screamed in a voice so twisted with emotion that it barely sounded human. "If anyone is supposed to have my husband's baby, it's me. ME! But I couldn't give that to him. We can't have a family because I'm just a barren bitch. So instead, he gets some random girl that he met at a bar pregnant!"

Regina's maniacal laugh burst from her, making her look and sound like she belonged in a mental ward. But that laughter turned softer and softer, until it was quiet sobs. Just as suddenly as her anger flared, it died. Deep sorrow replaced it, and her lips opened again to finally give breath to what ailed her the most.

"She just reached 28 weeks last Tuesday, Trudy. That's 7 months. I killed our baby at 6. Where does that leave me? Huh? What good am I to him?"

Sadness and depression are hard emotions to handle. Anger is much easier to focus into useful energy.

Lee impregnating another woman was a betrayal to end all betrayals. His horrible choices became a convenient lightning rod for all the useless emotions that surrounded Regina and her supposed failures at being a woman. The treachery of lies was magnified by the exposing her insecurities with his carelessness.

The least he could have done was wear a fucking condom.

Yes, she was angry; she was fucking livid! She'd been angry for so long that it was now a part of her personality. The further along that woman got in her pregnancy, the more Regina's self-esteem slapped her in the face. That just created more anger.

That woman was now in her final trimester. The significance of this bitch being able to carry HER husband's child to full term when she'd failed three times was...crushing.

Before Regina found out about Lee's indiscretion, Brian was just a handsome co-worker. They laughed and talked, but nothing crossed the threshold. She knew that he was attracted to her, but she was happily married. She couldn't deal with her emotions surrounding Cassie yet, but she was hopeful that one day she could look at a baby without wanting to burst into tears.

Having Lee there with her was the only thing that gave her strength to get out of bed every morning. He was a source of life for her, like an oasis in a scorching desert. She became co-dependent on him to give her what she needed to function.

That is, until that Saturday morning.

Three knocks at the door took the last bit of dignity that Regina had. A pretty woman, no older than 25, came by to see why Lee never returned any of her calls. She needed to tell him something very important.

Regina looked down at this woman's hand rubbing a belly that had started showing and prayed to God that she was just extremely bloated.

God wasn't listening. Or just didn't care. He'd already had a cosmic joke at her expense. Why not just add this one?

Trudy once again wrapped herself around her sister as she silently chastised herself for being so blunt. The last few years had been tough for Regina. She always tried to put on a brave face and pretend everything was okay, but on the inside, she was killing herself. Poor girl even thought she was cursed or something.

When they finally separated, Trudy placed both hands on Regina's cheeks and wiped just below her tear-stained eyes with her thumbs. After kissing her forehead, she lifted her had to look at her.

"You have to talk to him. You can't go on like this."

Regina shook her head. With desperate sadness, she said, "I can't. It's too..."

"Hard? Since when have you done things the easy way? You're the most obstinate person I know."

That caused a small snicker in Regina. Then her face fell sad again. "But..."

Trudy shook her head. "But nothing. You may have had time to sort this out before you pulled this stunt, but not anymore. If you sit back and let things play out, you're gonna lose him for good. If any part of you believes that you need him in your life, then you better start fighting. Now, not later."

Regina sighed and let her eyes roll upward. "There's no way that he'd ever listen to me now."

"So, make him listen, Gee Gee."

Regina smiled weakly. The two leaned in until their foreheads lovingly touched each other.

________________________________________________

"How did we end up here?"

Those words recited themselves over and over as sweat beaded on Lee's forehead and streamed down both sides of his face. A darkened triangle started up top at the collar of his shirt and ran down the length of it to his stomach.

His feet practically punished the treadmill. Even with his headphones on, he could hear the thump thump that his steps made as his legs ran in labored strides.

He loved running. When he ran, nothing else mattered. He concentrated on breathing evenly and allowing his body to create a natural rhythm. Such a feeling was what harmony felt like to him.

This time was different. There was no fluent movement to his strides; no physical poetry. Every move he made was angry and aggressive, like he was trying to overpower the treadmill. His arms cut through the air as he pumped them in tune with his pounding steps. Instead of the smooth in and out that he normally practiced for breaths when he ran, his lungs spurt erratic gasps that sounded like he was hyperventilating

His mind was at war with itself. It couldn't figure out if it wanted to burn hot with rage or wallow in self-pity. Running, which usually offered a clear mind for him, now just gave him more time to do what he didn't want to do; think.

"Your faithful little wifey let another man have her. Oh yeah, he had her; multiple times."

Regina's taunting words hit him hard. They kept lingering around him like a bad smell. What was worse about her words was the enthusiasm that she said them with. Yes, she was letting her anger speak and purposefully being hurtful, but that didn't mean that she wasn't being truthful.

Multiple times. She let that mother fucker have sex with her multiple times. Again and again, she made the choice to lay with him.

That's what was so unfathomable about it. He never, ever thought she could do something like this. She was always so conservative, never one to go into sex casually. When they were courting, she was adamant about not giving in until she knew that he was sticking around. She wasn't a virgin by a long shot, but she was very protective over who entered her body.

Now, he was supposed to believe that she was suddenly taking trips with random coworkers and giving up the goods in a single weekend?

Was this the first time she did this?

"Who are you to judge? You did start this, didn't you?"

Shut up, conscience.

His guilt began to merge with his anger. One didn't overshadow the other, and they didn't cancel each other out. Instead, they merged to form a sort of self-loathing hybrid.

At the same time, Lee had another feeling that had welled up inside of him; one that was surprising given the situation. It was a little bit of self-righteousness. Yes, he cheated. He hurt her. What he did was a horrible act against his marriage.

But, it was only once. He felt like he'd been good to her for the good majority of their marriage. He put up with her mood swings, cold attitude towards sex (lately), and not being able to have kids. He still loved her after all that.

He was a good husband. He made one mistake, and she wiped out all the good that he did.

Given that he only messed up one time, he was sorry. Not just sorry he got caught, sorry it ever happened. If true repentance was a willingness to atone AND never again repeat said behavior, he was that and then some. Why couldn't she see that?

What she did was so much worse. It was more than revenge for his little one-night stand; it was pure hatred. He made a mistake in the heat of the moment, but he didn't purposely go out to hurt his wife.

What she did was...evil.

He felt himself lurch forward unexpectedly. Looking down, he saw that the treadmill was beeping insistently to tell him that his time had stopped.

He stepped off the machine and walked over to the water fountain, trying to adjust to the floating feeling that he was experiencing upon walking on solid ground again. After letting the refreshing coldness quench his thirst, he went into the locker room.

After a quick shower, he fished his cellphone out of his locker. His heart jumped with anticipation when he saw that he had a missed call. His disappointment came only seconds later when he saw that it wasn't from Regina; it was from his best friend, Daryl.

Did she even care where he was? Did she miss him at all?

Did she still love him?

His brain screamed the obvious answer, but he couldn't acknowledge that right now. The lump that swelled up in his throat was threatening to cause an overflow that would reach his eyes, and he wasn't in a private enough setting to have an emotional breakdown.

He didn't call Daryl back. He flopped down on the bench and sighed in sadness. For months now, he's been clamoring and clawing for ways to repent. He desperately searched for the slightest show of love from Regina like a man dying of thirst searches for water. He even had mirages of loving moments that were probably just innocuous situations that people who've lived together for 10 years inevitably found themselves in.

She had so much anger built up. It wasn't even a wall at this point; it was a fortified fortress, completely impenetrable. Even the walls of Jericho fell when the people cried loud enough. Nothing Lee did since that fateful Saturday morning chipped away at the stone.

The callous doctor with no bedside manner shattered her when he told her that her body would choke the life out of any living thing that tried to grow inside of it. Those weren't his actual words, but they might as well have been. That's how she took it when she bawled in Lee's arms, telling him how much of a failure she was.

Then, like an answer to a prayer, she got pregnant again. Her apprehension was palpable when she peed on the stick. The positive sign was a call to arms for her.

Regina was a fighter. That was one of the things Lee fell in love with. No one, not even a doctor, would tell her she couldn't carry this baby.

She read up on everything. She scoured the internet to find ways to make her womb more "hospitable" for their daughter. She took so much time off work to relax that she would have lost her job if it was anybody but her (they practically worshiped her at the hospital).